Chapter 322

James POV

Inside was a leather journal.

The notebook was worn but spotless.

Clearly, its owner had carefully stored it away.

My heart pounded with sudden nervousness.

I opened it carefully.

Diana's elegant handwriting appeared before my eyes:

March 12

First day in Moly City after leaving the York estate with Mom.

I don't like this unfamiliar city.

I want to go back to the York estate. I miss Grandpa. I miss Jane. I miss the magnolia tree outside my window. I miss... James.

That last name made my hands tremble violently.

She had thought about me?

In that moment, I couldn't identify what I felt—wild joy, disbelief, and something seismic shifting inside me.

I turned to the next page.

March 19

Mom smashed my magnolia crystal ball.

It was the only thing I brought from the York estate. James gave it to me.

Mom said I should stop thinking about it. She said I'm not good enough for him.

...

March 25

Mom's condition has worsened again.

I told Jane. She arranged for a therapist.

Mom refuses to go.

She resists. She cuts herself with a fruit knife.

I knelt before her begging. The knife slashed my shoulder. It hurt so much.

...

The word 'hurt' was crinkled, as if tears had soaked it and dried.

I traced that word, remembering the scar on Diana's back. My heart clenched painfully.

My hands shaking, I turned another page.

March 28

I learned to cook.

I made fried rice for Mom. She said it was delicious.

I have to take good care of Mom.

...

April 5

Mom won't cooperate with treatment. She won't see doctors.

She thinks she's fine.

Jane came back. I went with her to see the doctor and explained Mom's situation.

The doctor said as long as she's away from that terrible environment, with enough patience from family, Mom will get better.

The doctor gave me a care plan.

Jane went with me to buy lots of books about depression.

I'm confident. I have to make Mom better. My gentle, kind mother shouldn't be trapped in past pain...

...

April 17

Today is my birthday.

I heard James and Jane came back from abroad.

I want to go back to the York estate.

I baked a little cake. I want to go find them.

I secretly bought a train ticket, but Mom found out.

Mom tore up my ticket, threw the cake in the trash, confiscated my phone, and locked me in my room.

My seventeenth birthday was my first without Jane and James...

But I'm not angry.

Mom is just sick.

She'll get better.

...

April 25

I've been at the new school for a while, but I still haven't adjusted.

A girl told me lots of boys in class like me.

I don't like them.

I just want to study hard.

If I become good enough, will I be worthy of James?

I don't know.

I also don't know—what I feel for James, is it dependence or love?

...

April 30

After cleaning duty today, someone locked me in the classroom.

I know who did it, but it's okay.

I like being alone.

But that peace was interrupted.

A boy discovered I was locked in and let me out.

He brought me food.

I was really hungry.

I suddenly remembered when I was seven, punished by Grandpa to kneel. That night, James secretly brought me food.

So I remembered that boy's name: Robert.

May 4

Robert is pursuing me.

But I don't like him.

I've heard if you don't feel anything at first sight, you never will.

I'm certain I don't like him.

But somehow, seeing Robert makes me think of James.

Even though they look nothing alike.

...

May 7

Mom's condition is starting to improve a little. Just a little, but everything's heading in the right direction.

Sometimes Mom is lucid. She holds me and cries, saying I've worked so hard.

Really, it's nothing. I don't feel it's hard, as long as Mom gets better.

...

June 30

Mom's getting better and better. She's stopped self-harming and agreed to see doctors.

I'm so happy.

I imagine when Mom gets better, I can go back to the York estate.

I miss Jane and James.

So, so much.

...

July 5

Mom discovered my intentions, that I still want to go back to the York estate. She threatened me with death, demanding I promise never to return.

I didn't want to agree.

Mom went on a hunger strike.

For Mom's sake, I gave in.

...

July 8

Robert followed me home.

I don't like it. It actually annoys me.

But Mom really likes him.

Mom urged me to be with him.

Mom said James is brilliant, that only someone as radiant as Jane deserves him.

Mom also said only someone like Robert suits me.

...

July 10

Mom's support has made Robert even bolder.

He comes to my house constantly.

He's good at charming people. He helps Mom with chores, does physical work she can't do, helps care for Grandma.

But I still don't like him.

I'd rather stay alone in my room.

...

July 16

I think I'm growing to love the dark.

I don't like sunlight. I don't like brightness. I don't like talking. I don't like communicating with people.

I don't like anything with color.

I don't like anything alive.

I'm gradually forgetting who I used to be.

I've finally become that most unremarkable ordinary person.

...

July 20

Bella told me in January, Jane and James and Jake will all come back.

After they return, they'll take over their family businesses. They won't leave again.

Bella said she's preparing a welcome party to surprise them. She asked if I'm coming.

I declined.

I don't dare go.

They're all brilliant people. The distance between us keeps growing...

July 23

I heard Howard's second son is competing with James for the family business.

I don't know what he'll do.

I don't know what will happen to James.

James will be fine, right? He's so smart.

...