Religion.

Religion.

Ace – Point of View

The air was thick and suffocating. A ringing had built in my head, high and constant. I counted down the seconds.

“Calm down, Ace. Just five more minutes.” Caine said with a smile, and I glanced at him.

“Calm down? I’m supposed to calm down? Fuck that, Caine. We have a way into the estate, but I’m supposed to do nothing? I grew up in that fucking estate. I’ll know the way blindfolded. We are wasting precious time. I don’t know why I’m even listening to you.” I sneered angrily, slamming my hand on the table.

How was I supposed to calm down when the man I loved was taken?

My heart was a mess. My hands were trembling. My eyes burned with frustration. I sat down and covered my face with my hands. I hated this. Oh, I was going to turn the world red. I was going to kill everyone, but I was supposed to wait? I was Ace Marakov. I didn’t wait. I moved. I acted and thought later. But here I was, waiting. Tied down by the man I loved. I knew that every action could make him bleed more. I knew why I was supposed to wait. It still hurts.

“I don’t want to wait either, but when Armani says something, there is a reason, so wait,” Cateleya said, and I glanced at her. Levi stood behind her. Armani was on the balcony, making phone calls. Even Alex was here.

Before Spades, Friendship was something I never thought I could find. I always moved with the wrong crowd, always fucked up my life, so I thought I was better off alone. Spades changed my life. He introduced me to a whole new world, something I thought was unattainable. Now, I was surrounded by friends I considered family. Everyone in this room was important to me. They were busting their ass to fix my broken home. They sheltered us, gave my Mom a home. Spades indeed changed my whole life.

Armani walked back in, followed by his twin brother. They were smiling. My heart skipped a beat.

“W – what’s happening?” I fell over my words, eyes wide, panic flooding my veins.

“Calm down. You’ll burst a brain cell if you’re not careful.” Alex grinned, and I glared at him.

“If anyone says I should calm down one more time!”

“Spades is here.” Armani cut in, and I stopped breathing.

“He is here. He is really fucked up, but the doctors are with him. He’ll be fine. He is strong. He was ready to throw it all away, but he’ll be fine. This place is really safe, so we’ll be here for the next couple of days, laying low.” He explained, and I exhaled shakily.

“Lying low? Why are we lying low? We can finish this now.” Cateleya glared at her brother.

“Yes, perhaps we can, but none of us is willing to take the chance. Spades is here. He’ll be fine. We should be focused on healing him. We have soldiers who will do the dirty business for us. All we need is Lee. We need him alive.” Caine explained, and I nodded, even though I wasn’t listening.

I walked out of the room, taking the stairs three at a time. I broke into a run when I got to the ground floor. I couldn’t find Spades. I found Constantin instead. My heart sank when I saw the blood all over his shirt. He had blood on his hands. The look on his face was grim.

No. God, no. Oh, please no.

“Where is he?” I whispered, my whole body trembling.

“He is in Surgery. He has so many injuries, Ace. They went to town on him. He has cuts all over his body, bruises. I – I can’t even imagine why they would do something like that to him. It’s Spades. Spades is good. He is not a bad guy. And they did him like that.” He snarled, and I nodded slowly, because he was right.

Spades was good. Spades was perfect. Spades was beautiful. He had a big heart. Everyone loved Spades. He wasn’t me.

Eventually, I found Spades. I sat outside the room where he was being operated on.

My mind was flooded with panic. I didn’t consider myself a religious person, but Spades was my religion. He was my God. Our love made us Pagan. Knowing this, I still prayed to any God that would listen.

I couldn’t hold back my tears. I couldn’t do life without Spades. I didn’t want to. I was tired of this life I lived. It was an endless circle. I couldn’t lose anyone else. I hadn’t healed from the loss of my father. Spades couldn’t join him in the unknown. Spades was the greatest love of my life. He couldn’t be the greatest loss, too. I refused this reality. I fucking refuse.

My mind wandered to the day I killed Silas. I have killed many people, but lately I’ve been thinking about Silas. It had everything to do with meeting his daughter and his wife. Her words were burned onto my skull. Silas fucked me up as a child, but I couldn’t carry that trauma anymore. I was drowning under the weight of it. Marlene was right. Silas atoned in the only way he knew how to. Ironically, Spades saved his daughter's life. He got shot for it, and now, he is hurt again.

This was the reality of being in the Mafia. It was impossible to eradicate all the threats to my peace. Enemies are made. It would be insane to kill someone before they commit a crime, that would be taking away their free will. The truth was, there would always be a gun pointed at our heads. There will always be an enemy, always be a deal gone wrong, a mission that went sideways. There will always be a problem. It was inevitable.

How could I keep the one I love safe?

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring. If I couldn’t keep him safe now, how could I when we get married, or when we have a baby? How long could we live like this?