Chapter 178: Whole Again Chapter 21 - Jennifer POV
“Jane… I very much want to tell you, but I can’t. I can tell you it’s about Michael’s sister Nare, but nothing more. I can’t break her trust or privacy, and I hope you understand that, but I will say, Michael should have told you. You deserve an answer.”
“He wants me to suffer,” she says, letting go of my wrists and looking down as a tear trickles down her cheek.
I gently take her hands and guide her to the windowsill to sit down. “I can’t speak to what is going through his head, but I do understand what rejection feels like, and even with everything you put me through, I wouldn’t wish it upon you. It’s a pain that… there just aren’t words. It’s like feeling yourself dying every minute of the day, and I’m so sorry you’re going through that,” I say, feeling tears prick my eyes as I squeeze her hands tight. Her lips tremble as the tears build in her waterline. fighting to stay put. “Forgive me for asking this, but are you doing all this to win him back?” I gently ask.
She shakes her head, forcing the tears to spill over her lashes and rush down her cheeks, “No. I’d do anything to have him give me a chance, but I don’t want to be with someone who hates me. I want him to be happy, and I know he wouldn’t be happy with m-me,” she manages to say as her body shakes from the sobs she’s holding back.
“Then why?”
“Because I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to be someone who is so horrible that her own Goddess-given soulmate doesn’t want her. When people found out I was rejected, it wasn’t like with you. With you, everyone wanted to go to war for you to defend your honour. With me, they celebrated. They were so happy to see me in so much pain and that made the pain worse. I lost everything. My friends abandoned me, I ended up with no one, and I can’t even get mad because I know it’s my fault,” she says heartbroken.
“What about your parents?” I softly ask.
She gives me a weak smile, “They’re heartbroken for me, but they’re so happy to see me changing. Working hard and trying to be a better person. For the first time in my life they’re proud of me, and what’s sad is, I never realised they weren’t. I was so blinded and thought I was so amazing and could do no wrong, I never even realised what a disappointment I was to my own parents. Now they see me working hard, and trying hard every day to be a better person and to prove that I can do things for myself, and they’re so proud of me,” she says with a smile; her tears pooling at the corners of her lips.
I give her a comforting smile and squeeze her hands, “Jane, that’s wonderful. You can never replace the love of your parents, and at least they are still there to support you and they always will. As for your friends, they weren’t your friends. True friends don’t abandon you when you’re at your lowest. They were just leeches who enjoyed the perks that being around you gave them. The fact you’re still trying to live your life and take the hits that keep coming, just to make amends shows what a strong person you are, and they can’t even dream of being that strong. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit for going through this alone. If I had gone through it alone, or if Landry hadn’t decided he made a mistake, I’m not sure I’d still be here,” I confess, causing Beatrix to whimper sadly in my head.
Jane looks at me with concern, “You wouldn’t have really taken that step, would you?”
“I don’t know. I just know I didn’t know how to survive the pain. How do you do it?” I ask.
She shrugs, “I really don’t know. You know I haven’t even been able to shift since I was rejected,” she says despondently, and I gasp at her words, “Amber won’t even speak to me. I don’t know if she’s just too weak, or she’s just too mad to speak to me since it was my actions that caused her heartbreak. She always told me to stop. Hated how I treated people, but I never listened,” she sighs longingly. “I guess now I know what being an Omega is like.”
I shake my head, stunned to learn she can’t shift or speak to her wolf. Even though Beatrix was in pain, she never abandoned me, and I never abandoned her. How could her wolf do that?
“It sounds like her wolf has fallen into a terrible depression. I’ve heard of it happening,” Beatrix says with concern.
“Can you do anything? Can you reach out to her wolf? Let her know she’s not alone.”
“I can try, especially since you’re okay with it.”
“Thank you, Bee!” I smile at Jane, “Guess what? My wolf Beatrix has said she’ll reach out to your wolf and try to help her get better. I think you both deserve a little help right now.”
She stares at me in stunned silence. “Why are you being so nice to me?” She slowly whispers.
“I don’t need a reason to be nice to someone,” I shrug.
“First Mei, now you… I just don’t deserve this kind of kindness,” she says shaking her head.
“Kindness is free, and it’s ours to decide who to give it to. I admire how hard you’re trying, and honestly, I have no idea how much pain not shifting must be for you. For you it’s different, you’ve lost something you’ve had your whole life, but me? I can’t feel sad about something I never had. I’ve never been able to shift, but I always have Beatrix, even when we were rejected. But you… I can’t imagine how hard this is for you,” I say as I pull her into a strong hug.
Slowly her arms wrap around me, and I swear I can feel a weight lift off her shoulders as she surrenders to my hug. “Thank you, Jennifer,” she whispers, “I’m so, so sorry for all the horrible things I said and did to you over the years. I know it doesn’t erase it, but I swear, if I could take it back I would. You’re such a kind and caring person. You didn’t deserve the shit I put you through.”
I take a deep breath and let out a gust of air, releasing a weight from my body that I didn’t even know was there. I’ve never believed in needing the person who hurt you to validate those feelings of hurt. It always felt like continuing to give them power over how they make you feel. That being said, to hear her acknowledge and own up to all the pain she caused me and all the tears I shed, gives me a sense of peace I didn’t know I needed. It feels like maybe I didn’t suffer for nothing, that now in this moment some good can come of it.
“Can I offer some advice?”
Jane pulls back and wipes her eyes, “Absolutely.”
“After his training sessions, Michael likes to go into the woods to meditate. To just be alone with his thoughts. Next time, you should go after him and just ask him to at the very least tell you why he has such negative feelings towards you. He can give you that much, if not for you then at least for the sake of your wolf. She’s done nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve this cruelty,” I say, my eyes suddenly going wide as I shake my hands franticly, “Not that I’m saying you do! I would never say that!”
Jane softly chuckles, “Jennifer, it’s okay. You’re too sweet a person to even have a mean thought, let alone be cruel. I know what you meant,” she says, squeezing my hand reassuringly, and I sigh in relief. Jane looks around at the state of the daycare and stares in horror, “Sweet Morrtemis… it’s like a war broke out in here.”
I chuckle, “Yeah, pups be like that.”
“Would you like some help cleaning up?” She offers.
I smile, “That would be great, thank you.”
With smiles on our faces, we get up and get to work on cleaning up the aftermath of Hurricane Pups. I feel like I’ve gotten closure on parts of my life that may have impacted me more than I realised, and the best part is, I think I may have made a new friend. I never expected it to be Jane Lahde of all people, but I can’t say I’m upset about that fact. Nare is probably not going to be too thrilled with me… in fact, now I’m starting to worry about how much this will hurt and anger her. I may have just gotten myself into some hot water, but I want to try and be a friend to both of them. I think we all deserve a chance to move on. Or at least, I hope we can.