Chapter 69 don't want him
The room was cloaked in shadows, lit only by the silvery spill of moonlight through the tall window. The hour was long past midnight, but sleep had evaded me. My body thrummed with a restlessness I couldn’t name. Something deeper than longing—almost like my soul itself was aching for something it couldn't reach.
The bed dipped behind me.
I didn’t have to turn to know it was him. I could feel his presence like a shift in gravity. Kael moved like the night—quiet, powerful, inevitable. His hand brushed over my waist as he settled beside me, and a shiver danced down my spine.
“Elara,” he murmured, his voice a low thunder against my ear. “Why are you still awake?”
I didn’t answer immediately. I couldn’t. My breath had caught in my throat, my heart stammering like it always did around him. He had this way of unraveling me without even trying.
He leaned closer, and I felt the heat of him seep into me through the thin fabric of my nightdress. My breath hitched.
“It’s midnight,” I whispered, as though the time mattered—when it didn’t. Not with him here.
“I know,” he said, his voice a warm, smoky whisper. “But you’re still trembling.”
His fingers brushed lightly down my side, barely a touch, but enough to send sparks trailing across my skin. I closed my eyes, trying to will away the storm he stirred in me. But Kael never let me run. Not from him. Not even from myself.
“You feel like fire,” he murmured. “And yet you’re shaking like the cold is inside you.”
He rolled closer, his hand splaying across my stomach, grounding me. I exhaled slowly.
“Because you make me feel everything at once,” I confessed before I could stop myself.
Kael stilled, his breath ghosting over the curve of my neck. “Is that a burden?” he asked, his voice rough with something I couldn’t name—hope or fear, maybe both.
I turned my face toward him. His eyes glowed faintly in the moonlight, reflecting that ancient power within him. “No,” I whispered. “It’s terrifying. But it’s not a burden.”
He leaned in, brushing his lips softly against my temple. “Then let me hold the weight with you.”
My breath caught again. Slowly, he turned me in his arms, until I was facing him fully. My hands instinctively slid to his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat under my fingertips. Solid. Real. And mine—for now, at least.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I admitted. “Being this close. Letting someone in.”
Kael’s gaze searched mine. “Neither do I,” he said honestly. “But I want to learn. With you.”
His hand cupped the side of my face gently, his thumb stroking along my cheekbone. He always touched me like I was made of something precious, even though I felt anything but. My throat tightened.
“We don’t have to rush,” he murmured. “I just want to feel you breathe.”
The tenderness in his words undid me. I leaned forward, resting my forehead against his chest. His arms wrapped around me like a promise.
We lay like that for what felt like hours. No words. No expectations. Just the steady rhythm of his breathing and the way his thumb traced circles against my lower back. My body slowly began to relax into him, the way it always did, like it remembered something I’d forgotten.
Eventually, Kael tilted my chin up with gentle fingers. “Elara.”
I met his gaze.
He didn’t ask. He never did. He waited—waited for the answer he already felt humming between us. And I gave it to him.
I nodded.
That was all it took.
He kissed me.
Not hungrily. Not greedily. Just… deeply. Like he needed to anchor himself to something real. Like I was real. His mouth moved slowly over mine, and I melted into it, the way you sink into warmth after being lost in a storm.
Kael’s hand slid into my hair, angling my head, deepening the kiss. His other hand remained on my back, holding me close, holding me steady. The room faded away. The world narrowed down to the feel of his lips and the slow burn in my chest.
When we finally parted, I was breathless.
“You taste like midnight,” he said against my lips, “like something forbidden I shouldn’t want so badly.”
“And yet here you are,” I whispered.
He smiled faintly, his thumb brushing my lower lip. “Here I am.”
I buried my face against his chest again, my fingers fisting into his shirt. “I don’t want this to end,” I said quietly.
“Then it won’t,” he answered without hesitation. “We have the night. And all the nights after.”
“But the world—”
“—can wait,” he cut in. “Tonight, it’s just us. No past. No pain. Just this.”
He pressed another kiss to my forehead, then one to the corner of my mouth, then another just beneath my jaw. Each kiss was slow, reverent. Like he was mapping me, learning every place I held tension so he could ease it away.
I sighed, my body melting into his touch.
“You don’t have to hide from me,” he whispered. “Not your fear. Not your fire.”
I nodded, blinking away the tears stinging my eyes. “I’m just scared that if I give you everything… there’ll be nothing left of me.”
Kael pulled back, just enough to look into my eyes. “Then I’ll give you everything I am in return. Until you’re overflowing.”
My heart clenched.
No one had ever promised me something like that.
He shifted, gently laying me back against the pillows. His hand stayed at my waist, grounding, steadying. He moved slowly, with a patience that made my chest ache. His forehead pressed against mine as his fingers brushed along my collarbone, over my shoulder, leaving a trail of heat.
“I don’t need your body,” he whispered. “I want your trust. Your fire. Your heart.”
“You already have it,” I breathed.
He kissed me again. Deeper this time. Like he believed me. Like I had finally given him the key he’d been waiting for.
And as his mouth claimed mine again and again, I realized something.
This wasn’t just about passion.
It was about healing.
About belonging.
About being seen—even in the dark.
Especially in the dark.
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KAEL’S POV
She was light wrapped in shadows. Fragile, fierce, afraid, and still—so unbreakably strong.
I hadn’t meant to come into her room tonight. I’d only meant to check on her. To make sure she was sleeping peacefully. But when I found her curled beneath the sheets, her eyes wide open and shimmering in the moonlight, something inside me shifted.
Elara had this way of drawing me in without a word. Without a look. Just her silence was enough to ensnare me.
And when I touched her, when I felt her trembling beneath my hand, I knew I couldn’t leave.
Not tonight.
Maybe not ever.
When she finally told me she was afraid to give me everything, my breath had caught. Because I understood. Gods, I understood. I’d spent years building walls to keep people out. To protect what was left of me.
But with her, the walls cracked.
And now?
I didn’t want them anymore.
All I wanted was to learn how to hold her without hurting her. How to love her without drowning in my own scars.
I kissed her again, slowly, reverently. Her lips parted for me, her hands sliding into my hair. She clung to me like I was something she’d waited for—something she feared she might lose.
I wasn’t going to let that happen.
Not now.
Not ever.