Chapter 349: 1-2

“I think you should leave me alone,” he said after a moment, looking away from me, “I’m not safe to be around,” again so nonchalantly that I don’t answer right away. Was I once like this? Did I push people away like this back in Middleburg? Yes I did, but that’s because it was easier, even when there was a new student that showed sign of maybe befriending me I pushed them away. Or I just ignored them, because I had learned by age ten that when those rare new people would eventually hear the town gossip. My heart thudded in my chest, sounding like boulders clashing together. I didn’t want to be hurt, so I pushed. If I pushed away first when they stopped being my friend it would be on my terms, it would hurt less. It was rare, but I had done it at least four times in my whole life. Is that what Kieran was doing now? “Why isn’t it safe to be around you?” I asked facing him completely now, trying to understand, “I mean you think I should leave you alone, but you didn’t say that you want me to leave you alone.” I pointed out waiting. “I’m not good.” Good? Good at what? I wondered silently not voicing my thoughts, pausing for him to give me more. “I – I can’t be your friend,” he said in a very decisive tone, that made my heart sink to my belly, and my stomach turned as I looked away. “Is it because I came to see you on the mountain?” I whispered knowing that I invaded his space, and then I did it again today, I thought horrified. “I knew better, I didn’t like it when Sarah came in and ruined everything, but I did it to you…” The light on the screen on the ipad cut out and my face was reflected back to me, my lips turned down, my eyes empty. Kieran huffed loudly, my head snapped up to observe him. He lifted his hand over his chest, rubbing over his heart. Glancing at me from the corner of his eyes briefly. “Why do you seek me out? You’re smart and nice, what do you want?” I blinked. A small smile on the inside, he wasn’t mad, and he thought I was nice. “At the beach-” “You saw me at the beach?” I blurted out,  “I mean I followed your scent but I thought that it was old,” I said tilting my head to the side noting his leg begin to shake. His entire form vibrating. “Yes I saw you… I saw River and even some of the others looking at you, then I left,” he shrugged, putting his left hand on his thigh. The movements of his hand doing nothing to the shaky leg. “Everyone has been telling you to stay away from me,” he said again, “everyone else stays away,” he said in way that didn’t seem like it was something he wanted, but something he accepted. “You said you aren’t good… who said that?” He scoffed, “Everyone, all the time.” “Everyone has been saying things about you, whispering, but I can hear them, they think you should stay away from me,” he added. “Well I’m used to people whispering, they can whisper until they are blue in the face, I don’t care… anymore.” I added at the end. “I won’t make a good friend,” he said that before. Although, I was happier that it had went from can’t be my friend to, he wouldn’t make a good friend. I hid my small smile. “I’ve never had any other friend besides Ben, so you don’t have anything to live up too with me,” I said honestly my face burning. “I’m the only one you’ve stalked?” he asks not looking my way. “Yup!” I pop the ‘p’ at the end. “Why?” “Because you don’t think I’m weird. You let me read and you enjoy when I do it out loud. I can talk to you, and even when you were a wolf and I wanted to touch you, you didn’t run away,” I reveal, my eyes darting around his arms, noting the scars that were on either arm, and the tattoo on his forearm, R-43. But I watch as he tenses at my revelation, and he moves a way a bit, “I mean I wouldn’t touch you because I know you don’t like it, but I wanted too, I’d never hurt you Kieran,” I try to explain; his fur had looked very soft. Silky. But then, I wondered to myself, how long has it been since someone touched Kieran? In a nice way like how Ben, Uncle Grant, Chelsea and Aunt Julia would hug me or just hold my hand? I don't dare ask him though. I don’t get a verbal response to my explanation, but he does nod his head minutely. I leave it alone, because now that I have the numbers R-43 in my mind I begin to wonder what they stand for? I mean his last name is Ryan, so that could be what the R stands for. That leaves the number ’43.’ His large hand comes to cover up the tattoo and I look up, and away, red from being caught. Biting my lip I turn back to him, “What – what do the numbers mean?” Abruptly he stands, but only moves to another chair but now, all I see are his shoulders up and I dislike that he didn’t want be here, “You don’t have to answer that…” I say when there is a lull. “We finished the Hobbit… are there any books that you liked that we can read together?” I push forward, ignoring all his comments about being friends. If he didn’t want to be my friend he would have left me alone in the library. That is what my understanding was to these sorts of things; after someone told me they didn’t want to be my friend they never stuck around, unless they wanted to see my cry. Other than that, they left like I had something they could catch. “I – I don’t know –" there is an abrupt pause, "I don’t have anything I’ve liked… do you have another one you want to read?” he asks, and I smile, he did want to be my friend.