Chapter 253

Chapter 15 – Russell Davis POV I sat alone, Thayer leaving me to my thoughts because as of now there wasn’t much sound here, a small cry from the next room not wanting that to disrupt the peacefulness of the others I creep into Angel’s room lifting my crying son, his dark blue eyes wide in the slight darkness. “Hey my boy,” I coo, closing the door behind me, and actually here his stomach making gurgling noises, much to loud for someone his side, but not having that much experience maybe it’s normal, “hungry?” I ask not that I was expecting an answer. He wasn’t more than a few months old but was sturdy, plumb… the babies were growing healthy, and Angel was always mothering them. I’m not sure why it surprised me, I knew she’d love them, but it was the care and adoration she had for each child that took me by surprise. I thought she’d get frustrated or bothered because babies were hard work, but she seemed to enjoy everything, baths’ feeding, baby talk… napping with them, everything. Angel did everything with a sweet smile, soft careful hands, she laughed and giggled when they did something she found cute. Mom said that I shouldn’t be surprised that Angel’s the type of mom that she was, there could be two reasons. Despite probably never experiencing that with her own mother, she could just be doing what she craved as a child making sure that her children, were always clean, warm, full. Making my way down the stairs, I hold Rusty against my chest, Angel sometimes pumped extra milk, for night feedings or well like she said, three mouths but only two breasts. I hadn’t assumed everyone was sleeping but dad’s voice startled me, “He’s hungry?” dad said in a whisper, but in the quiet it was louder causing Rusty to be frightened, against my chest as well. I nodded, going to the fridge, “here let me, I’m making a cup of tea for myself,” I stopped going to a chair at the island, “do you fancy a cup?” he asked his back to me, voice tired. “Yeah dad…” “How’s Angel?” I jerked a bit, but careful with Rusty in my arms, I couldn’t understand why they all were worried about her, not with how I knew they were suffering, grieving, not responding, he turned slightly, “is something the matter with her? I know you’ve been keeping and eye on her,” his voice concerned. “Dad… don’t do this…” I whispered cowardly gazing at my son, not meeting dad’s eyes, “I’m not sure I understand what you are talking about Russell, or at least I’m hoping I’m wrong,” he stopped tending to the whistling from the boiling kettle, making our cups, using some of the water with tap to heat the bottle for Rusty in another clear medium sized bowl. He slid the cup towards me. The dimly lit room showing me his features, as he stepped closer, not touching his tea but reaching out for Rusty, a loving gaze in his eyes, a pro at holding babies he cooed at Rusty, then reached for the bottle, testing it first on his arm. Rusty latched on quickly his slurping sounds the only ones for a while, a light hum sounding from appliances and the air-conditioner, “I was McKenna’s-” he stopped, “I am her father, and I will always be… and I hope you never have to experience this loss Russell. I’m sad, grieving for so many different things… when you look at your children, this beautiful little boy,” he sighed, “What do you think when you look at him?” he eyed me but for the most part focused on Rusty. I gazed at Rusty, there was so much I hoped for him, innocent right now, “I see his life playing out in my head, options so many beautiful life long options, from the smallest to the biggest things he could do, learning to walk, talk, his first laugh, tooth and learning to ride a bike, school, love, heartbreak, milestones and achievement, just so many… so many-” “Options… moments,” he said knowingly, “I’m grieving for all that McKenna won’t get to do, I lose my breath when each time I realize one more thing she won’t get to do, one more thing I won’t get to see her – her achieve,” he sounded so sad, I had never heard him using this voice – well not since Amara and Darren’s parents died. “The pain, it’s raw, and rough, it takes all o-o-over me but, but I’m here holding this b-b-beautiful little boy,” his body shakes, but that doesn’t disturb Rusty from his greedy slurps, “and his mother is upstairs, and you’re suffering t-to for what happened b-but Russell, I’m happy that Angel wasn’t hurt because I know – I know – that you love her, I’m holding this little baby here, I’ve lost a part of who I was, but the rest of me is still here. I don’t know how, not when my heart is breaking,” he says shaking, crying, he bends slowly and kisses Rusty’s forehead. “You are a father, son,” his words make me remember the loss I shared with Amara, but we never got to meet that child… it hurt but… “I think the woman you are supposed to love is up there and I’m so happy that I don’t have to watch you deal with that grief, of not even getting a chance to love her the right way. To love her at all, she’s only been with you – with you for such a short time and in my heart, I – I know that she has never been loved the way I loved McKenna, or the way you’re going to love her… so I can feel so many things now. I’m so angry that we didn’t listen to you back in Michigan when you told her you under no means would choose her. I’m furious that someone I loved, welcomed into our life with open arms, abused my trust and k –killed my baby, my child,” he cried and a creaky floorboard signaled we weren’t alone anymore, and from the darkness Dana, stepped out, her face blotchy, swollen eyes, dried tear marks. Dad sighed, handing my Rusty to burp him, “And how are you sweetheart?” He asked again his fatherly tone in place, but the concern was the same. “I’m – I’m blessed, I’m sad but I’m happy,” she struggled to say, “We left home thinking Cody was going to die, I had prepared myself for that, I knew that I’d have Darren, we’d support each other. Both get to – to grieve his short life, but instead, I have a sore arm because I was shot. By something we all know who planned, I – I just don’t get how Darren couldn’t see how manipulating she was being!” Dana cried but she was angry, “But I’m relieved because I’m here, Angel is here and Cody is here. He’s upstairs, fast asleep next to the other two, he laughs deeply, gets a mischievous look in his eyes, and I just know he’s going to do something naughty, but I smile secretly, because – because my baby is going to do something,” I listened, tears in my eyes, rolling down my face, I look down at the wonder in Rusty’s eyes and I know how she feels as well. Dad opens his arms, welcoming her, letting her cry on his shoulder, the two of them shaking, and I can’t tell who is crying, dad? Dana? Both? “You don’t get to pull away from us Russ,” Dana said after a few minutes, “We’re on an island so there’s nowhere for you to go, but you don’t have to hide out in your room like you did something wrong. You did nothing, Darren knew that Amara was pregnant this time, and he hid it, lied to all of us, his family to protect her. I was in that room, I was shot in my shoulder, could’ve killed me and he isn’t-” she stopped clearing her throat, “You lost your sister, you didn’t pull the trigger, buy the guns, pay the people or put the idea in anyone’s head,” her voice stern, I feel as though I’m being scolded, but I let the words plant inside my head.