Chapter 208: Prologue-3

"You know," he starts drinking his water, smiling, "You're eager to run off, but the minute you do... like other teens, I bet you'll be missing home-" "Well I'm sure those other teens actually feel like they belong in the place where they are missing, I won't miss this this house, because it's not my home, it stopped being my home when dad trashed all of mom's things to make room for Amelia and Sarah. But I will miss Dad and Ben," I say quietly, under my breath, and even to my own ears I hear the anger and sadness. And that look is back... the look he's been giving me every now and then since that night momma died, almost begging me to share my pain with him, remove the load from my shoulders but I couldn't then, and I was afraid too now. "Oakley Lawson!" dad says my name with a bit of warning, and because I've just listened to the recording again, all those feelings inside me that I can not control, spurs me on, "I'm sorry Uncle Grant, that was wrong of me to say, of course I would come back to this place where all these lovely people in the room, call my mother a whore that ran off with some man and left dad all alone to take care of us. And while I'm running back to be in this house that doesn't hold one single item that belonged to my mother because Dad wanted Sarah to feel at home, in my mothers home," be nice to others bumblebee I remember mom saying, be kind to others, they'll be kind to you... "I'll be quick to return to this place that holds pictures of her alcoholic brother, and her father that used to beat her mother. Because I guess there is nothing wrong with beating a woman, its sacrificing-" I stop before I finish, I say the words but I hate that I said them. I hate it as much as I hate the memories and I hold myself tightly, forcing my hands not to shake in anger. "It's my birthday Bee-" And that was it, I stood and my chair scrapped against the hardwood floor, "I've told you and Sarah, not to call me that!" "It's just a name, Ben and dad-" "Are my dad and my brother, you are Amelia... how hard is it to remember? I've been saying it since I've met all of you." "Oakley! Upstairs! Now!" I just shook my head, I told him I didn't want to come down here, I never want to be around this - all the lies. I leave the room, heading upstairs, more broken than when I left my room only minutes ago. I know that Sarah loved dad... it wasn't that she didn't love him, but the ends he went to, to reassure her hurt. The things he said about Mom, hurt. Erasing and not even telling Benny about her? She wasn't here and I understood, she wasn't coming back I knew that, but - but. Pointless circles. "That girl needs discipline!" Sarah's mother says, and I can even hear Grant scoff, "She can't go on like this Pat, she might be smart as a whip, but some times children need to feel that whip," and then Uncle Grants scoff turns into laughter. "Mom!" "Pat, really?" "Look not now, this is Amelia's birthday dinner, later," Dad said to Uncle Grant, my vision blurs as I lay on my bed holding my chest, the pain there increasing, physically hurting me as I think of mom. People always say: 'I wish I knew what you were thinking?' Or you see some people whispering and think; 'I wonder what they're saying?' but now, that I can hear conversations, hear the whispers, I know people can be cruel. Most of those cruel people are downstairs... They belittle me at each turn, dad never defends mom, but to me it's like he doesn't defend me. 'Benny boy... you look just like your pops!' everyone claims, but with my green eyes, fair skin and brown hair, no one says it, but I know I look like mom. A reminder of the woman that left dad, one that I thought was brave. Of the woman that died that night. And I can't stop the crying that shakes my whole body, the pain - I just want it to stop. I want to go back to that night... I go to my dresser, opening it, taking out what I needed, deciding, wavering, shaky hands from crying, unsure. Just hold on a little longer...the voice says, pleading but I'm all-alone. So alone. You have your father, your brother... hold on. Just a reminder of someone that hurt them, an unwanted reminder. Reminder. I think, holding the blade. Half of my mother, I drag the blade across my wrist, wanting out, wanting out bad. I fall to my knees, laying in the fetal position, as blood pools around my wrist; I wonder how no one could tell that my mother died that night in the house? In that very room downstairs that they were celebrating Amelia's birthday? My blood flowed, as had my mothers' right? How come there was no blood? Was there blood...is the last thing I think of while crying, my vision blurring. "Oakley... Oakley..." Dad is knocking on the door, turning the knob, "Oakley open the door sweetheart," Uncle Grant pleads muffled, I can't hear them clearly. I feel the vibration on the ground - my eyes closed, but I feel the gust of wind fan against my shaking body when the door budges. "Oh god! Oh god! Oh God! Oakley," someone is touching me but I'm so close to the darkness, so numb, "Call 911!" "Stop the bleeding-" 'Let them think she ran away.' ____________________________ I know many are probably confused, HOWEVER, you'll come to understand soon enough... for those that click on this first, you need to read: 1. Unexpected (book 1) 2. Unconditional (book 2) 2b. His Forgotten Mate