Chapter 9 Pushed Away
Calix Pov
The dining hall was loud, too loud. Voices bouncing off walls, trays clattering, chairs scraping, laughter from every direction. I stood near the window with my tray. I hadn't touched the food, wasn't hungry anyway.
My eyes found her without even trying. Like magnets. Like my body knew exactly where she was before my brain caught up.
Maddie.
She was sitting at a table in the corner. By herself. Her head was down, picking at her food but not really eating. Her hair fell forward hiding most of her face. She looked small, alone and breakable.
My chest squeezed tight. My wolf stirred in my head, started pacing.
"Go to her," he said. His voice was softer than yesterday. Tired. "Just go say something."
I gripped my tray harder. Knuckles turning white. "No."
"She's eating alone."
"So what?"
"So you're her mate," my wolf said. "You should be sitting with her. Taking care of her, not standing here watching like a creep."
"I'm keeping her safe," I said. Quiet enough that nobody around me could hear. "This is how I keep her safe."
"This is torture," my wolf shot back.
He was right. It was torture, every second I stood here watching her. Every breath that didn't smell like her. Every step I didn't take in her direction, pure torture.
But it was necessary. I kept telling myself that it was necessary for her own good.
Then Simone appeared like a storm.
I didn't even see her coming. One second I was watching Maddie, the next second Simone was sliding onto my lap. Her arms wrapped around my neck. Her perfume hit me like a punch, tio sweet and strong. Made my stomach turn.
"All mine," she purred. Loud enough for half the dining hall to hear. She leaned in, pressed a kiss to my cheek. Her lips were sticky with gloss.
My whole body went stiff. My wolf snarled in rage. I grabbed her waist with both hands, lifted her off me and put her on her feet, rough, not gentle.
She stumbled. Caught herself on the back of a chair, her eyes flashed, angry and embarrassed.
"What the hell Calix?" she hissed.
"Don't touch me," I said. My voice came out cold. Flat.
"Excuse me?" Simone straightened up. Crossed her arms. "We had a deal. If we don't find our mates we get back together. You haven't found yours so I'm well within my rights."
"I don't care about the deal," I said. "Don't. Touch. Me."
People were staring now. Conversations dying down. Everyone watching. Waiting to see what happened next. I didn't care. Let them watch.
"You're embarrassing me," Simone said through her teeth. Her smile was still on but it looked fake. Plastic. "In front of everyone."
"Then leave," I said.
Her face twisted. The fake smile dropped. "You're going to regret treating me like trash Calix. I swear it. My father is the beta. Your father arranged our marriage. You can't just throw me away like I'm nothing."
"Watch me," I said.
I walked past her. Didn't look back. Pushed through the dining hall doors. The cold air hit my face, made it easier to breathe.
My wolf was pacing faster now. "We should go back. Check on our mate, make sure she's okay."
"She's fine," I said out loud. There was nobody in the hallway so I could talk without looking crazy. "Simone didn't even look at her."
"You don't know that."
"I watched the whole time," I said. "She stayed at her table. Simone came straight to me."
"So you were watching her," my wolf said. "Staring at her, wanting to be near her. But you still won't go talk to her. Explain that to me."
I leaned against the wall. Pressed my palms against the cold stone. "I already explained it. The curse."
"The curse might not even work on mates," my wolf argued. "The mate bond is powerful and sacred. Maybe it's strong enough to protect her."
"And if it's not?" I asked. "What if I get close to her. Let myself care. Then lose control and kill her anyway? What then?"
Silence.
"That's what I thought," I said.
I pushed off the wall, started walking. I didn't know where I was going, i just needed to move, needed to do something other than stand still and feel the pull toward her.
My phone buzzed. I pulled it out. Text from my father.
"Dinner tomorrow. Don't be late."
I stared at the message, felt my jaw clench. Dinner with my father meant lectures. Meant discussions about my future, about the pack and Simone. About duty and responsibility and all the things I was supposed to care about but didn't.
I shoved my phone back in my pocket. Kept walking.
The halls were mostly empty. Everyone was still at dinner. I passed classrooms, offices. Trophy cases full of awards from decades ago. This school had been here forever, would be here forever after I left.
But she wouldn't.
She'd graduate in a few years. Leave. Go somewhere far away from here. Find someone else, someone better, someone who wasn't cursed. Someone who could give her everything she deserved.
The thought made my chest ache. Made my wolf howl in pain.
"She's ours," he said. "Nobody else should have her."
"We don't get to have her," I said. "That's the whole point."
"This is wrong," my wolf said. "The Moon Goddess doesn't make mistakes. She paired us for a reason."
"Yeah well the Moon Goddess also cursed me," I said. "So maybe she does make mistakes."
I ended up at the training grounds. The outdoor space where we practiced shifting. Fighting. The grass was torn up from claws, dark stains from blood that never fully washed out. This was where I'd hurt Marcus three years ago, where I'd lost control.
I stood at the edge. Stared at the spot where it happened. I could still hear his screams, still see the blood. Still feel the rage that took over and wouldn't let go until my father dragged me off.
"He was your brother," I whispered. "You loved him. And you almost killed him."
My wolf whimpered. He remembered too. Hated the memory as much as I did.
"That's why we can't go near her," I said. "Because love triggers it. Every single time, mom and Marcus. Even that stupid dog. The moment I cared the curse took over."
"Maybe you're stronger now," my wolf said quietly. "Maybe you learned control."
"Have I?" I asked. "Because yesterday when I saw Simone hit Maddie I wanted to rip Simone's throat out. The rage was right there and ready. If I'd let it take over I would've killed her in front of everyone."
My wolf went quiet.
"See?" I said. "Nothing's changed. I'm still the same monster. Still dangerous. Still cursed."