Chapter 39 Liquid Courage
Maddie Pov
The Freshers' welcome party was finally here after two weeks of planning and meetings and avoiding looking at Calix. The whole thing had been torture but now it was almost over. Just had to get through tonight. Just had to survive the actual party. Then I could go back to pretending he didn't exist.
The party was in the main hall. Music was already thumping when Elara and I walked in. Lights flashed in different colors. Red. Blue. Green. Purple. Made everything look strange and dreamlike. Tables were set up along the walls with food and drinks. The dance floor in the middle was already packed with students.
"This actually looks good," Elara said. She was impressed. "You guys did a great job planning this."
"Thanks," I said. I'd barely contributed but Sarah had done most of the work anyway. I just showed up when I was supposed to and did what I was told.
"Come on let's get drinks," Elara said. She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the drink table.
There were sodas and juice and then another table that had red solo cups filled with something that definitely wasn't soda. I could smell the alcohol from here. Someone had spiked the punch. Probably multiple someones.
"We should drink," Elara said. She grabbed two red cups and handed me one.
"I don't drink," I said. Pushed the cup away. "I've never drunk before."
"Exactly," Elara said. Pushed it back toward me. "Which is why you should try it. Just once. Just tonight. Let yourself have fun for once."
"I don't think that's a good idea," I said. But I was tempted. So tempted. Wanted to forget everything for a few hours. Wanted to stop thinking about Calix. Wanted to stop hurting.
"It's a great idea," Elara insisted. "You're too stressed. Too serious. You need to let go. Just for tonight."
"What if I don't like it?" I asked.
"Then you stop drinking," Elara said like it was obvious. "But you won't know until you try. Come on Maddie. Live a little."
I looked at the cup in my hand. The liquid inside was red. Smelled sweet. Looked innocent enough. What was the worst that could happen? I'd feel a little buzzed? Get a little brave? Forget my problems for a few hours?
That actually sounded amazing.
"Okay," I said. "Just one."
"Yes!" Elara said. She clinked her cup against mine. "Drink up."
I brought the cup to my lips. Took a small sip. The liquid was sweet at first. Then burned going down. Made me cough.
"That's disgusting," I said. My throat felt like fire.
"It gets better," Elara promised. "Keep drinking. The second sip is easier."
She was right. The second sip didn't burn as much. Neither did the third. By the time I finished the cup I could barely taste the alcohol anymore. Just the sweet punch underneath.
"How do you feel?" Elara asked.
"Okay," I said. My head felt a little fuzzy. My body felt warm. "Actually kind of good."
"See?" Elara grinned. "Told you. Want another?"
I should have said no. Should have stopped at one. But my cup was empty and I already felt better than I had in weeks. Felt lighter. Felt like maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.
"Sure," I said. "One more."
Elara got us both refills. We drank those too. Then another. Then another. I lost count after the fourth cup. Everything started blurring together. The lights. The music. The people. All of it swirling around me in this warm happy haze.
"I feel amazing," I told Elara. I was shouting over the music. "Why don't I drink all the time?"
"Because you're responsible," Elara shouted back. She was grinning. "But tonight you're fun Maddie. I like fun Maddie."
"I like fun Maddie too," I agreed. Laughed. Everything was funny suddenly. Everything was light. Everything was perfect.
The room was spinning a little bit but in a good way. Like being on a carousel. I felt brave. Felt reckless. Felt like I could do anything.
"Let's dance!" I said. Grabbed Elara's hand. Pulled her toward the dance floor.
We pushed through the crowd. Started dancing. I didn't even care that I was a terrible dancer. Didn't care that people were watching. Didn't care about anything except the music and the lights and this amazing warm feeling spreading through my whole body.
Someone bumped into me from behind. I turned around. It was one of the freshmen I was supposed to be mentoring. She looked scared.
"Sorry," she said quickly.
"Don't be sorry," I said. Smiled at her. "Dance with us! This is supposed to be your party anyway."
She smiled back. Started dancing with us. More freshmen joined. Soon there was a whole group of us. Dancing. Laughing. Having fun.
This was what I'd been missing. This feeling. This freedom. This not caring about everything all the time.
"I need another drink," I told Elara after the song ended.
"You sure?" Elara asked. She looked concerned now. "You've had a lot already."
"I'm fine," I insisted. "I feel great. Better than great. I feel perfect."
I walked toward the drink table. The room tilted a little when I moved but I caught myself on someone's shoulder. Laughed. Kept walking.
Someone handed me another cup. I drank it without even tasting it. Just wanted that warm feeling to keep going. Wanted to keep feeling brave. Keep feeling reckless. Keep feeling anything except the constant pain.
The music got louder. The lights got brighter. Everything was beautiful. Everything was perfect. I was having the best time ever.
Then I saw him. Calix was standing near the wall. Watching the party. Watching me. Our eyes met across the crowded room.
And suddenly I didn't want to stay away anymore. Didn't want to keep fighting. Didn't want to keep pretending like I didn't need him. The alcohol made me brave. Made me stupid. Made me not care about consequences.
I started walking toward him. The crowd parted. Or maybe I pushed through. I couldn't tell. Didn't matter. All that mattered was getting to him.