Chapter 98 His Breakdown
“Wh- What…?”
Pulling away from him hastily, back facing him as he stood flabbergasted. Consuming a long time to confirm what he heard.
Tears formed a screen in her eyes, accepting the harsh truth she swallowed all those years, wretchedly telling him.
“Yes, I was in my all senses when I… got near William. He lied to save my dignity, I kissed him, I advanced, I begged him to not go,”
Stopped, she spared a watery glance towards the trembling man whose world crashed at her enunciation.
“I cheated on you, Luke,”
His steps stumbled, taking support from the counter as the ache drained his energy.
Narrowing his eyes in dejection, for a false hope, he questioned once again for confirmation.
“So I was never wrong? That your eyes were always on him and I was just a… second option?”
“Not necessarily an option either…”
“What?”
Looking down with utter shame, she swallowed hard, gripping her dress anxiously, fearing his reaction.
“I-I just wanted to forget about him and I would have taken ‘any’ option available,”
His eyes widened, body numbed out of heartbreak as tears stole his vision, punching the counter with a growl.
“Where was your fucking dignity, Arabella? For once didn’t it feel… immoral?”
“It did, all the time,”
Afraid another eye-contact will shatter him, Arabella couldn’t even look into his dejected hazel eyes.
“So all the time you stayed devoted and desperate, it was an act to convince your own heart?”
“...Yes,” She nodded, “And I took the first option he presented. I said to the marriage within 24 hours, didn’t even bother to consult you,”
Sharing the dark secrets she carried all alone with a painful smile. She knew William wasn’t the only selfish one- she was too.
She held equal faults.
It pierced his heart. A tear fell directly on his eyes.
Cascading his gaze down to his empty hands, a question rose in his heart- ‘What did I gain from this relationship then? Nothing?’
When this fact dropped- A strong misery chained his soul into an abyss, leaving him unable to react properly anymore as he broke.
“Do you feel any shame for your actions?!”
“I don’t know about shame, Luke,”
Turning to him gradually, an emptiness surrounded her, liberating a cold, sorrowful chuckle.
“But I am surely paying for being selfish. I am being punished for my actions in an unimaginable way,”
When all the undesirable, gut-wrenching events of her life flashed- all worthless.
After endless tries... She failed to have William as hers.
And it was unendurable.
But how was Luke supposed to believe in such an absurd statement?
“How so? You married the man you wanted all along,”
Scoffing, he folded his arms at his chest, sniffling to keep his sobbing at bay still they slipped through the cracks and ended up whimpering.
“He left me- a piece of his heart- for you. What more do you want him to abandon for your sake?”
“.... His Obsession,” Her weak murmur failed to reach him, taking a step forth, he asked again.
“What?”
She shook her head in denial, holding the inability to lift her eyes from the ground as the shame had gobbled her soul.
She knew she was his culprit. For her selfish determination, she ruined his life, made him a person he never was.
Luke stared at the remorseful woman intensely, lips quivering out of anguish as those empty eyes couldn't fix anything.
“Look at me, look what you did to me, Arabella Grayson,” He growled.
She didn’t.
He ended up holding her elbows in a harsh grip. She winced in pain but didn’t resist.
“Look at me, dammit!”
Yelling at her face, he was hoping the wrath might force her to witness his ache. To stare and surge the same ravage into her.
… Yet she didn’t.
In fact, she couldn’t.
“I am sorry, I am so sorry for everything, Luke…”
“YOUR SORRY CAN’T FIX ANYTHING, ARABELLA!” He shouted breathlessly, refusing to let her go.
He wanted her to look at him, once, just once, and kill his heart beautifully to end his sting but she couldn’t, she refused to.
Loosening his grip eventually when the sound of her wails echoed in the hall, he ended up shaking badly, panting heavily.
Staring deep into those eyes, there was mortification, no doubt, but there was NO place for him there.
Liberating the flood of tears he held at bay, his gaze lowered painfully, crying silently at her muteness, due to the lies that ruined his life.
“Why… Bella? Why did you do that to me? Why…?”
To his weak whisper. She gathered her remaining courage.
Reflecting the madness she experienced for the man she lost between the cracks of ignorance.
She finally lifted her eyes, staring dead into his eyes with a hysterical smile whispering the unchangeable fact beautifully.
“Because he was all I ever wanted,”
For him, she declined any contact but one offer to unveil her yearning, she grasped it and expressed wholeheartedly.
Startled at the madness, he immediately let go as she fell to her knees, not parting those blazing gaze from his.
It took him a minute to comprehend. Letting out a sharp exhale, he gulped, asking vaguely, “Since… when?”
Placing her hand over her heart, an exquisite smile adorned with tears formed on her soft features, enhancing her heartbeats.
Lowering her eyes, she confessed in a mellow resonance, remembering her not-so-memorable times.
“Since I was fifteen, for the past nine years, he is all that’s on my heart, my mind, my soul, William is all that exists in me,”
Listening to the tale of her love, Luke realized the world he dreamt of creating with Arabella was hollow. It was never supposed to work out.
Covering his mouth, he ended up sobbing a little, resenting his life choices, the moment he fell for her.
Finding no redemption on her path too, Arabella gritted her teeth and slammed her hand down. Flinching, he glanced at her slowly.
“I have loved William all my life, Luke!”
Clasping her finger around her heart, she ended up screaming the truth wretchedly, to make this fact transparent once and for all.
“You were right all along! I love him! I love him! I FUCKING LOVE WILLIAM! I HAVE LOVED HIM ALL MY LIFE!”