Chapter 14: Story 3: "Life begins at forty"

Harvey

I am happy to attend family-related parties and any celebratory events, but I also feel a bit sorry for myself. At the age of forty, I do not have a family of my own. There are few reasons to argue with that topic, but I will still end up on the losing side at the end of the line.

And why not, when whatever reason I may throw in to justify my decisions, the fact that I am alone is like a thorn in my throat that hurts every time I swallow, even for something as my own saliva.

Today another business colleague invited me to attend his youngest's first birthday party.

Another pinch of envy. A gift everyman would wish for themselves. Having a baby.

But then again, life goes on. Whether you have what you want or you don't. And since I was invited, I didn't want to make a lame excuse not to attend. I envy them, but I am also happy for them, especially for that little bundle of joy that makes me smile when we get to see each other. I am happy to see such a little angel that though having one for my own would be the best, it may be too late for me already. I came to celebrate with them and bring my present for the baby girl. I don't have any idea what to buy, so I just prepared a few hundred bills fresh from the bank and placed them in a red envelope.

“Congratulations!” I greeted, smiling brightly, the couple with the birthday child in the mother’s arms. I handed her the red envelope. "I don't know what to buy for her, so I think you should decide."

“Thank you for coming as well as for the gift, Mister Steel, ” the mother shook my hands in gratitude. “Please enjoy yourself. We have a lot of food and drinks!”

“Thank you. Don't let me keep you. I will have my fill and be on my way home." I gently shooed them away to attend to their other guests.

I know they were just too polite because they are of younger generations than mine. But had they been my peers, they would blatantly say,

"When the hell are you getting married?"

"When do we get to be invited by you?" or maybe, "Find someone and have your own kids already!”

But I would just brush them off because I am no longer young. Not too old, and yes, I am sure I am not that old to pleasure any woman in bed yet. Some even say, “Life begins at forty." Practically speaking, it is the age when a man would expectedly be stable financially, but that would be a bit too late for a woman to wait until her man turns forty to settle down. So if I am going to marry a woman of my age, I should not expect to have my own children. A companion in life should be enough. But even that seems to be too huge of a dream for me.

Anyways, I have my ways to get through the lonely nights, but none of them are serious kinds of relationships. I would go for a no-strings-attached kind of hook-ups. But I never choose among my circle of acquaintances. I don't want the conflicts that I might wake up to. So imagine how rare can those crazy escapades be. I am a man with healthy sexual cravings, but I get myself through with paid sex when I can't deal with it on my own. It's because I am no longer as confident as when I was younger. No longer as careless and thinking with my lower head kinds of stupid things. I became matured. I became cautious.

But aside from youth, which I do not have control over, I am stable in every other aspect. I have my own house. I have a car, one pickup truck for work, and one sedan for formal event use. I have a business of my own as a freelance interior designer. Insurances and savings are all dealt with. And I am healthy. I can provide my needs that money can deal with. I even buy toys for my amusement in bed when I am too lazy to go out for a quick shag. I am scared to approach a girl formally. Afraid I might get rejected. I am not confident I deserve to have a woman beside me. I am totally ignorant when it comes to romantic relationships. I don't think I can handle a woman.

I watched how everyone was having a good time. I was also having a good time, watching how the event's star playfully entertained the guests at her birthday party. A one-year-old baby girl giggles and makes faces. Who wouldn’t love watching her every sweet little charming smile?

I enjoyed the food. Enjoyed the party, too. But as I will have to drive on my way home, I did not have even a single shot of alcohol. I will have my drink at home. I love to pamper myself with a few shots of whisky before bed. It makes me sleep well through the night. Re-energize my body for another day of work the following day. I left with just a farewell glance to the hosting family and headed out.

The girl’s party was held in a hotel. A hotel that hosts parties for every event. Wedding, birthdays, and whatever there is to celebrate. In short, there were a lot of people in the whole building. And as many guests there were, the parking spaces were also full that I had to park my car at the farthest end of the lot. Along the way, I heard someone scream. A young woman's voice, I supposed.

“Damn car!!! Why won't you do your job and get me home already?!” Pounding at its car hood after slamming it close. She sounded like she was going to cry any moment.

I walked to my car, which was next to hers. I was hoping she would look my way so I could offer her a hand if she needed to. And she did.