Aria's words, "You were always too busy chasing the sun, Ava," replayed in my head as I stood gazing out the partially open window at the sunset sun's golden rays on the grass. Hours had passed since my encounter with Rogan in the forest, yet I could still feel the odd strain in my chest from his comments.
Now I could practically feel her gaze on me. Aria. My twin sister. My reflection, my shadow. Not in the way I always hoped, though.
The memories came back to me as I closed my eyes and allowed the room's silence to envelope me. Our early years, the time before everything had gone wrong. Back then, they appeared so straightforward. So simple.
Rogan had been there all along. Running around the fields behind the house on long summer days was the beginning of it all. Me, Rogan, and Aria were inseparable. However, I was aware of a deeper connection between them even at that time. I saw a spark, but neither of them would ever admit it. I saw it every time.
I recalled the moment when I fully grasped it. I watched them while sitting on the porch with my legs crossed and the cold breeze caressing my skin. Aria was beaming, and Rogan was grinning broadly and laughing. They stood so close together that it seemed as though they were one person, making them the ideal duo. My chest tightened cruelly when his fingers touched hers, but I was at a loss for how to stop it. I had no idea how to prevent them from becoming attracted to one another like magnets.
"Ava, do you believe they'll ever notice us?" Aria had asked me in a nearly whispery voice that day. "Are we going to be a part of their world forever?"
Even though her statements were lighthearted and informal, I had never felt so constrained. I had been seeing them both for a long time, wondering when it would happen, but I didn't want to tell her the truth. The thing I was afraid of. I knew it would shatter me.
I was present on the day it occurred. I was there all the time. However, things were different this time. As he did each day, Rogan had visited our home. As usual, we were all expected to head out to the lake. However, I had a feeling that day would bring about a shift. I simply had no idea how.
It began as a lighthearted discussion between Rogan and Aria about dreams, the future, and everything we discussed when we were young and impressionable. But I sensed it as they talked. The change. Aria's response with that twinkle in her eye that was always reserved for him, Rogan's chuckle, and the way his eyes stayed on her. I couldn't take my eyes off it, even though I didn't want to.
Rogan had turned to the horizon and remarked, "I think I've always known," in a quiet, almost unsure voice.
With her lips curling into that smile that always made everyone in the room feel like they were the most important person alive, Aria's heart-shaped face softened. However, that smile was no longer intended for me. As usual, I sat there invisible, feeling the weight of it in my bones.
She moved closer to him and said, "I've always known too."
The beating in my chest made it difficult for me to hear my thoughts. I ought to have spoken up. I should have raised my voice, but I was unable to do so. I lacked the necessary words. Rather, like I had seen so many times before, I sat there and watched them reach out to each other, their hands brushing. However, it wasn't a friendly remark this time. It was only the start of something bigger. I had no idea how to stop it.
I was never able to. And I was unable to get away from it after that. Their affection. Their connection. They seemed to have made a secret agreement, to which I was not a party. As if time itself were pulling me along for the ride, the days that followed seemed to go by in slow motion. Rogan grew aloof and avoided me whenever he could. When I saw him, he wasn't the boy I knew, the one who had vowed to never go and who had held my hand as we ran through the fields.
He had changed. Someone who was Aria's property.
I detested myself for not being able to end the intolerable stillness that had developed between us. I ought to be pleased for them. After all, Aria was my sister. However, I couldn't be. Not when I was experiencing heartbreak in unexpected areas.
I was always aware that Aria was more unique than I was. She was the one with it all: the beauty, the charisma, the easy elegance. That was not me at all. I had never really fit in and had always been the quiet one who loved from the background. I had persuaded myself that being the center of attention was unnecessary. I persuaded myself that it was acceptable for me to play a supporting role in their narrative.
However, Rogan departed in the middle of everything. He simply... vanished. without justification. Not a word.
I couldn't help but wonder whether he had known all along as I reflected on that day, the memories haunting me like ghosts. If only he had been aware that he had stolen everything from me without my knowledge. Despite my best efforts to tell myself that it was for the best, I couldn't get rid of the sensation that I was a part of something from which I would never be able to fully recover. I had lost him before I even had him.
And here I was once more. Facing him again, under the same roof, in the same house. However, it wasn't just about us this time. I was trapped in the center of a long-standing agreement and pledge between our families.
I felt as though I couldn't bear the weight of the letter in my hand. I had no desire to wed him. I didn't want to live in the shadow of a love that wasn't mine in the first place or confront him. However, the pressure was increasing. Now more than ever, the stakes were at risk.
I tried to concentrate by pressing my forehead against the chilly windowpane. I'm trying to calm my mind. But then I heard footsteps echoing in the hallway, just when I thought I could find some sort of calm. The kind of steps that only one person in the world could take—soft, methodical.
Rogan.
With a rapid turn, my heart was pounding. He entered the room with an almost magnetic presence that drew everything to him, causing my breath to catch in my throat. At first, he remained silent. He was not required to. His furious, dark eyes said more than words could.
"Ava," he remarked in a gruff voice.
My chest constricted as I stepped back, and I briefly questioned if I was prepared to hear what would come next. Because I already knew in my heart.
I wasn't prepared.
However, I had no other option.
His subsequent remarks were like a kick to the stomach.
"You're not getting it. This—this is no longer just about us.