XIII
Hope was something everybody had, they hoped as they lived. They hoped that as they go to bed that night, they'd wake up the next morning. They hoped as I walked out the door of their houses the universe would bring something they wanted.
Hope was the thread that rose in your chest as you thought of something that you really wanted. That flicker of thought as you begged for it to happen, the 'it' could be a promotion, a girlfriend, getting laid, good health.. the emotion you feel while hoping that those things come through for you? That's hope.
I felt really hopeful when I was at the orphanage home for the first few weeks, I hoped a new family would come and take me somewhere safe. My hope started to dwindle when I found out it was difficult for children past age three to get adopted.
My hope soared again when I met Cam at the playground. And finally when I got adopted. I felt so much hope.
And now, the possibility that one of Jonathan's wife's friends might be my Clarissa, the one who had plaqued my dreams, my imagination and everything... I could see her again. I almost jumped up in victory, I could almost smell her shampoo, and feel her skin, I could almost hear her moaning my name.
The mysterious woman would now have a name, I felt elated, I could almost touch the sky. My mind already started imagining all the different things I was going to do to her after she gave me a different name and disappeared from the surface of the earth.
"Show him their pictures, so he can finally know her name, the thought of him imagining a night, or many nights with a girl named Clarissa Jones does not sit well with me." Jonathan commented with a frown on his face.
I rolled my eyes, but I could hear my heart beat in my ears, my thoughts were racing but I was excited all the same. Two different thoughts were running through my mind, what if she wasn't my Clarissa? And what if she was my Clarissa? What do I do then? What next? And if she wasn't her, what next?
As she giggled shyly and passed her phone to me, it felt like every thing was moving in slow motion. And she was sitted directly opposite me. I looked at Cam, he gave me a firm nod. I swallowed and collected it from her gingerly.
"Here.. the first one is Alyssa.." she explained.
My eyes fell on the dark haired girl, she was unfamiliar and wore a smirk. As if mocking me. I breathed in slight disappointment as I shook my head no.
"Swipe to the next photo."
I swiped, this was a selfie of blonde, she was unfamiliar but undeniably cute, her eyes sparkled with child like innocence.
"That's Rita, I know it's not her because she'd feel guilty if she lied to a child, much less a grown man."
I nodded, the girl looked too innocent. I swiped once more.
"That's June, I suspect her, because my name is her go to name for fake names."
June was hot, the hottest among all of the friends she showed me, but it wasn't the girl I was looking for.
"The last one is Heather, she lies the most, about everything and anything.. if it's not June, then it's Heather." She laughed nervously.
My heart started to beat increasingly fast, the last one had got to be her, my finger slowly came in contact with the screen of her phone as I swiped.
The room was silent. Everyone had stopped breathing. All eyes were on me, I avoided their gazes and kept my eyes on the screen, their eyes burned holes into my turtleneck.
All of a sudden, it got too hot. I took the glass of water in front of me and gulped down every thing.
"I guess someone else is using your name as well.." I say as cheerily as I could while handing the phone back to her. Clarissa looked more depressed than I did.
"Are you sure it's not Heather? Maybe because of the lighting?" She asked as she swiped at her phone looking for another picture of Heather.
I smiled politely,
"It's fine Clarissa." I put emphasis on the fine, so no one else could ask me any more questions.
As if a spell was casted, everyone went back to normal. The sounds of cutlery filled the room again. I excused myself under the pretence of getting more wine and went to the wine cellar.
"Cam says you told her your real name.." mom's voice said from behind me. I pretended to care about the labels on the wine.
"She must have been very special, you don't make such mistakes..." She was standing by my side now.
"I guess I wasn't that special to her.. she could have found me if she wanted if I left a deep impression on her as she did me.." I said finally caving in.
She turned me to face her squarely,
"Or maybe she is married.. like Cam thinks.."
I ran my tongue over my lip at that, I didn't want her to be married if I craved her this much.
"You said you wanted to discuss something important with me?" I ask so the topic can change.
She looked at me in worry, then deciding within herself that I could handle whatever it was she wanted to say.
"You're almost thirty Kennedy.. your father and I expected that by this time it'll you who would bring in a wife.. not Jonathan... don't get me wrong.. we only want the best for you..." Mom told me.
I had my suspicions that this would be the thing.. I couldn't tell her that I was never going to marry..
"I'll think about it?" I ask.
She looked at me in confusion for a minute.
"Okay, the cocktail party wasn't just for funding.. I was going to introduce you to my friend's daughter..." She stopped halfway after she saw the expression on my face.
"Mom.."
"Let me finish.. I know you more than anyone, I know someone you'd like.. I made the perfect choice.. but you disappeared so we agreed to reschedule."
I was going to comment that Cam probably knew me better than her. But I let it slide.
"I'm not saying you should marry her on the spot.. meet her first, see where it goes from there.."
I could almost tell it was going to be horrible, but who says no to their mom and lived to tell the story?