Chapter 29 29
“That is the real reason.”
“Yeah, uh-huh.”
I stuck my tongue out at what could soon be my former partner. “Fine! I’m worried that fire will get into the blood and I’ll burn from the inside out. Happy?”
Connor’s phone vibrated while Tristan considered this new information. My man whore of a partner stepped outside to take the call.
“So fire will kill a vampire? Is it the only way to?” Tristan seemed a little too eager to find out how to kill my kind. I made a mental note to remove all fire inducing items from the house. Lighters and matches would be easy, but, what about the gas stove? The kitchen would look so wrong with a gaping hole in it. Oh hey. Maybe I could install a bar and have blood on tap. Or use it as the perfect excuse to knock down the wall between the kitchen and the living room.
“Yep, set us on fire and we burn to ash. Or you could decapitate us and then set us on fire. Or injected us with a shit ton of dead man’s blood and I do mean a shit ton of it. Otherwise you’re just going to make us sick and really pissed off. It would not end well for you. So I advise that if you must kill a vamp, go for fire.”
“What about a stake to the heart? Or does that only stun you guys?” I rolled my eyes.
“Despite what you have seen on countless shows, a stake to the heart only results in your death.” He gave me a questioning look. “If you put a stake in the heart of a vamp, the vamp is going to pull it out and stab you with it. In your case, probably in your heart. Since no vamp is going to want to feed on you while you are screaming because you have a stake in you.” I paused to let that sink in. “Unless of course the stake is from the tree of life. That one would kill us dead dead.” Tristan rolled his hand in the universal and gesture. “The tree of life is a type of tree. It kinda looked like a flowering weeping willow. In the old world, it was worshiped and its flowers used in potions that could break the nastiest of curses. Wood from the tree was used to make wreathes that magics and some pagans would hang on their doors to keep out the things that go bump in the night. That is until the Christians, with a little help from vampires, started burning them because they were a symbol of pagans and witches.” My laugh was not a nice one. “If they only knew they were destroying one of the few things in the world that could kill a creature of the night….or cure the deadlier diseases. Anyway, the last known tree was destroyed in the sixteen hundreds.”
“Oh. Ok. What about holy water? That’s like acid to vampires right?”
I drug my hand down my face. Oh why did there have to be so many myths about us out there? “Depends on who makes it. A human priest can bless water all he wants and it won’t hurt us. However, if a priest of magical descent blesses it, the pain is on par with getting ghost pepper juice in your eye. Same goes for consecrated ground. Humans can bless the ground all they want, but it takes someone with magic in their blood to make it dangerous to my kind. Thankfully, there’s not that many of them out there.”
“Priest of magical descent? What the fuck is that?” Someone needed their mouth washed out with soap. I’m the one who does the swearing around here!
“Priests that are technically witches or wizards. They can access their powers while blessing the water or the ground which turns what for humans is just a bunch of Latin into a spell. Usually they were raised by separatists or adopted and are completely unaware of their gifts. The magical community tries to keep an eye out for them, but, once in awhile, one slips through the cracks. When that happens, we have to track them down and explain what they are. Then try to get them to stop blessing water. You’d be surprised how often they try to preform exorcisms on us. It’s so annoying.” I rolled my eyes. “I once had one come at me with a silver knife dipped in garlic butter. He was really surprised when I threw him across the room after he stabbed me. Pacifist my ass.”
“Garlic butter?”
“Yeah, ‘cause you know, garlic repels vamps? I assume he used the silver knife for the same reason. Or maybe it was all he had handy.”
Before Tristan could delve into the next myth needing clarification, Connor slammed open the door and stomped inside. If we were in a cartoon steam would be coming out of his ears.
“That was Stacy calling to guess what……cancel our date! Cole I swear to the gods if you do not take me off those sites I am going to-“He paused I assumed to figure out what to threaten me with. I decided to cut him off before I had to do something to him.
“Dude, I thought you were going out with Chrissy tonight?”
Ouch. The look he shot me was cold and full of evil thoughts. “Chrissy is tonight, Stacy was tomorrow.
You’ve had your fun. I took down the ad for the figurines. Now, get me off those sites.”
I pulled up one of the sites on my phone and handed it to him after I clicked on his picture. He made a growling noise before reading what I had posted. Doucheitis. Symptoms include amnesia after sex (Ladies, he’s not going to call you), multiple sexual partners in a week, and failure to satisfy a woman ever. His eyes bulged and he made a noise that sounded vaguely like an enraged bull.
“So, is Stacy so hot she melted the scale too?” I snorted. Having the pup around might not be so bad.
Connor made a longing sound before answering. “She’s a contortionist.”
“Can she put her feet behind her head?” He nodded. I laughed as my phone went off in my pocket.
“Awww poor Connor. You’re not going to get to bend her like a Gumby.”
He flipped me off and I laughed harder as I answered my phone. My laughter died abruptly as I listened to Thomas. I repeated the gist of the conversation for Connor since Tristan’s werewolf hearing would have allowed him to hear both sides. “There’s been an influx of fake 911 calls around Howling Ridge. Thomas thinks someone is trying to draw out the deputies guarding the Dancer children. We need to go provide back up.”
We threw on shoes and grabbed our phones before I ripped a portal from my front porch to Thomas’ parents’ house.