Chapter 170

Adrian Kael

He didn’t believe me, even when I proved with every gesture how devoted I am. No one makes my heart race like he does; no one drives me crazy the way he can.

And yet, he doubted.

But I understand. I would do the same. Maybe worse. Just imagining someone else approaching him, touching him, exchanging words with him—my whole body catches fire. The idea of someone else kissing my god is the kind of thing that would make me lose my sanity.

That’s why I find myself in this cruel paradox: happy to know he feels jealous of me. Because it means that, somehow, he truly likes me. That maybe, he is starting to love me.

But it also hurts.

It hurts when he distrusts my feelings, when he doesn't see how sincere I am, how everything inside me pulses for him.

Tears stream down silently as I hold him firmer, fearing he might disappear if I let go. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent, trying to calm the heart that insists on racing.

He is my home. And I love him more than I can bear.

The tears won't stop—hot and salty. My chest aches, but now it’s different; maybe it’s relief. The relief of everything being at peace, of having him here, breathing with me.

Maybe I’m crying because, for a brief moment, I feared losing him.

And that fear still stays with me.

"What? Adrian?" His voice comes out hoarse, still thick with sleep. "Are you crying?"

A sob escapes me, harsh, and the hug becomes desperate, as if I wanted to fuse our bodies into one.

"Shit... Hey, what happened?" he asks, concerned, running his hand down my back in a gentle gesture, trying to calm me. "Talk to me, love."

His voice breaks me. I try to breathe, but the words come out shaky, soaked in tears.

"I... I was so afraid you’d abandon me." The sentences break in the middle of the crying. "I love you, Magnus. I love you too much..."

The grip intensifies. I hide my face in his neck, feeling the heat of his skin against mine.

"It hurt... it hurt so much when you doubted me. It felt like my chest was going to tear open with pain."

The tears come back full force, and his body stiffens slightly.

"Shit..." His voice is low, almost inaudible. "Forgive me, Adrian. I thought everything was okay since you didn't say anything. But I forget the size of the love you feel for me... eventually, this had to come out."

He pulls me back just enough to look at me.

"I’m so sorry," he repeats, his voice heavy with sincerity. "This insecurity has been with me for a long time. I’m afraid that one day, you’ll simply stop loving me. Even with this feeling so intense, something inside me burns with doubt."

He touches his own chest with the tips of his fingers.

"I fear that if I surrender completely, you’ll lose interest."

His hand moves up to my face, the touch light, almost careful.

"Even knowing your sincerity, I doubted," he admits in a near whisper. "And I deeply regret that."

I rest my forehead against his, breathing slowly.

"I’m happy to know you’re jealous of me," I confess in a thin voice. "It proves you truly like me. But I’m also afraid, Magnus. Afraid of all this being an illusion, that you’ll use my love against me, drive me even crazier... just to escape or destroy me."

He sighs and touches my lips in a calm peck.

"We both have our fears." The serenity in his voice is almost disarming. "I’m not manipulating you. Like I’ve said, I don’t want to use this feeling you call sacred. I really like you. I like your presence, your kisses, your hugs... your scent."

My heart races at the confession. I wrap my arms around him again, my face buried in his warm neck.

"I love you, Magnus," I whisper. "And I always will. Body and soul, everything in me is yours."

A discrete smile appears on his lips before he squeezes me back.

"I know," he replies softly. "And I like you. Who would have thought I’d end up feeling something like this?"

I rub my cheek against his chest, seeking the comfort of the touch.

"I know you love me, even if you’re afraid. I promise never to doubt you again, love."

A peaceful smile forms on my face.

"Thank you. That calms my heart."

He wipes away the last of the tears with his thumb.

"Now, let’s get some sleep."

He pulls me back into his arms, covers us with the sheet, and lets me rest my head on his chest. The steady sound of his heart lulls the silence.

Little by little, my body relaxes; the tension dissipates, and sleep envelops me quickly, surrounded by his embrace, his scent, and the warmth of his body.

\[...\]

Before I know it, I wake up suddenly; the bed is cold. The heat from Magnus's body is gone. My heart races by instinct, but it soon relaxes as I hear footsteps approaching.

I lift my torso and see him entering the cell, carrying a tray of food. The sight takes me by surprise. He smiles slightly, with that charming air.

"Good evening... love." His voice sounds hoarse, calm. "Did you sleep well?"

I just stare, unable to believe what I’m seeing. My heart warms up realizing he’s still calling me "love." You can tell he’s a bit embarrassed; the slight reddish tint on his face gives him away, which draws a soft laugh from me.