Chapter 41: Hate what he makes me feel

Laura's POV

I walked climbed up the pavement to my corridor. Some one had left the light on in the sitting room. Which bore down to two people. Gwen or Brian.

I walked to the door and entered the security code. The door swung open to admit me, I stepped inside and closed in behind me with a soft sigh.

Tonight had been everything except fine. Totally unnerving and.. I couldn't even find the right word.

Jaxon Fallon of all people took me for a ride then a walk, then gave me his jacket and even held my hands and that, made my stomach do something funny. The color crept up my neck and I felt heat flushed over my whole face.

Jesus Christ!

I fell back against the door, breathing roughly and hard. Panting.

My ears picked up the thudding of footsteps clicking against the marble floor.

I took a tentative step from the door and made one dangerous effort to pull myself together. The owner of the footsteps was no other than Gwen. She fled the last two pairs of stairs and dashed for me, pulling into a bone crushing hug and knocking the air out of my lungs.

I hugged her back.

“I was so worried.” She whispered in to my ear. I patted her back gently.

She broke off the hug and took my face in her hands. “I'm glad you're back. I almost strangled Ryan.”

“I wish I could get to him first.” I replied. All this started with Ryan.

She laughed softly. “So how did it go?”

I shook my head. “Except for being frightened to death that he might force himself on me again. It was surprisingly nice.”

Her eyes widened in disbelief. “What?”

“Really.” I confirmed, chuckling. “I can't tell you the details just now. I'm too tired.”

She nodded, but she was still looking at me with some kind of disbelieving stare. “Okay.”

I slid pass her. “Where's Ria?”

“She's upstairs, in bed already. Brian hasn't been home all day.”

“That's more like him.” I said, making for the stairs. My stomach growled loudly.

“I made something for you in the kitchen.” Gwen said with a small smile. “I'll be leaving now, I've been waiting up for you.”

“Okay, Thank you Gwen.”

She nodded.

I groped for the banister and climbed my way up the flight of stairs to my bedroom.

The whole scene from tonight kept reeling in my head. The car ride, Jaxon's hands reaching for mine.

Wait, was Jaxon in love with me? No way!

The idea made me shudder. How could he possibly be in love with the woman he shamelessly raped?

I shook off my heels and collapsed to the bed, with my head in my hands.

Jaxon's sudden closeness was a golden opportunity for me to get him out of my life finally but I hated the effect I was slowly discovering that he had on me. I hated the way my stomach felt fluttery when he held my hands. Although I convinced myself to believe that, that was just to drive off the cold. But that wasn't entirely true.

A small part of me wanted to be held. And even more than to be held, I wanted something else..

Stop thinking about it Laura!

Stop!

Get your game together, this is all an act.

You just need to get close to him enough to ruin him and nothing more.

I slid a hand over my shoulder and shuddered at my own touch as I gently reached down to notched the zip of my gown and rolled it down. I wriggled my arms out of the gown and pushed it to my hip.

Something else was clawing it's way in my stomach, desire and heat for something else..

Something I didn't want to put a name to. Never wanted to. My hands shook slowly as it brushed my thigh and shoved the gown down, till I was left in only my undies. I sighed softly as my hands slowly massaged it's way down to the inside of my thigh.

The heat crept from inside me and sent electric shocks through my entire body.

Maybe what I had felt at that moment was just this twinge of adrenaline, a genuine need to be held by a man— not Jaxon. Any other man would do.

I'm the feeling was eating through me now again, as my fingers trembled against my thigh.

I wanted something inside me.

I stood up and treaded the distance slowly to my bathroom, my legs were shaky and tensed but I managed to push the bathroom door open and forced myself into it. I took two tentative steps to the secret compartment I had, had made behind the toilet sink.

God! My whole body was surging with aching desire.

My hands dove desperately to the sink. I clamped both hands to it to steady myself before pushing my right hand down and easing the knot of the compartment aside to review my collection of sex toys. Different sex toys.

I didn't need to look at them as my hands rummaged through the small space, feeling their sizes and how deep they could go. Then my fingers curled round the very one I needed. Mr. Big. The one I used often. Not really like often, but every time I was this turned on.

But what turned me on tonight? Was it Jaxon or what? I couldn't place it. But I knew it had something to do with him.

The way our hands curled up together.

I closed my eyes tightly and sucked in a deep, long breath. For the life of me, How could Jaxon's hand alone turn me on? How?

How could that monster push me to the wall?

I hated that he made me like this. I pulled out Mr. Big. My pulse thudding heavier, as I climbed into the bath tub. I collapsed against the hard surface, my breathing ragged and dragged.

Over the years, I'd often had prolonged periods of celibacy, but I did long since learnt to redefine what that meant.

I hadn't been with many people—nobody at all actually— not since that night Jaxon had forcefully tore my life apart.

I laid back against the cold bath tub. One hand digging out my underwears, which I tossed roughly to the side. The cool air prickled across my skin. I ran a hand over my hips and belly, with my eyes fully shut. Each touch made me tremble with need. Aching need. fuck!

I skimmed my palms over my nipples again and sighed. Geez! Was I really doing this after so long?

I slid my hand down, moaning as I sank my ring finger deep, deeper in to myself, riding that high for a few minutes. I teased with my index finger, getting it slick and easing a partway into myself then backing off.

I clutched hard at Mr. Big before sliding it down between my wide-spread thighs.

I closed my eyes tightly, an image of Jaxon fluttered into my head, his hands reaching out to me, pinning me to the wall…

No!

I switched on the vibrator and pressed it to my clit.