Chapter 17

The atmosphere is tense and awkward, and I feel like I’m suffocating, but only for me, I guess because everyone else seems relaxed.

"No problem, dear," Mr. Colt says with a smile that is so unusual for him.

We eat in silence, or at least I do. I feel out of place here. The food feels like stones when I swallow, almost bringing tears to my eyes. But I force myself to eat every bite of food. Everyone around me talks with ease, but I just nod my head when needed.

This goes on for a few minutes before Mr. Colt clears his throat to get our attention. He has a proud smile.

"Chance and Sam's engagement party will be one week from now," he announces, glancing at Chance and Sam with the same proud smile. He was glowing.

"I wanted to notify his friends since you all are like family to Chance," he says, staring at everyone before his eyes lock with mine for a few seconds.

It's ironic how the heart can still be hurt by something you've seen coming. Right now, it’s difficult to sit here when all I want to do is close my eyes and forget reality. I blink back the tears in my eyes. I’m uncomfortable with everyone’s sympathetic looks.

Not being able to take it anymore I push my chair back and clear my throat. "Please excuse me. I need to use the bathroom," I say and head to the guest bathroom.

I feel pathetic leaving in that manner, but I really need to calm my raging emotions. Otherwise, I would bust out crying in front of everyone. I push the bathroom door open and walk to the sink and stare into the mirror.

Maybe it still hurt because I still hoped he loved me even if it meant ending the engagement. But my hope came crashing down knowing that his father supported the engagement and never acknowledged me being pregnant with his son’s child.

Chance always heeds his father, which means I am fighting a lost battle. My heart keeps nagging me to hold on, but my mind knows better.

I take a deep, relaxing breath as I stare into the mirror. "So, what happens from here?" I ask. The question taunts me.

I splash a little water on my face and remove my makeup because I don't really need to look pretty on a good day gone bad. I breathe in to calm myself. When I leave, I take my time walking down the hallway.

"Shiloh." Mr. Colt walks towards me with a hard stare. I stop.

He is dressed in his usual business clothes, making him look intimidating.

I wipe my sweaty palm on my gown, trying not to seem apprehensive when all I want to do is run from here never to return.

"Yes, Mr. Colt?" I say, patting my back mentally for speaking confidently.

"Come with me," he instructs as he walks to the stairs that lead to his office.

I walk fast to keep up with his long strides. He walks into his office, which is large and decorated with the best furniture. I take a seat across from him. My heart is thumping so loudly, I wouldn't be surprised if he could hear it.

"I see you are pregnant with my son’s child," he says, locking his hands together on the table. "But you see, I have many plans laid out for Chance after he graduates this year," he says calmly, but his words have hidden motives.

"And you think I am an obstacle to those plans," I say, fighting back the urge to roll my eyes. My life just became a rollercoaster.

A smile appears on his face that makes me want to creep out of his office. Not because I am weak, but because what comes next can’t be good.

"I don't think, I know. So..." he says, pulling out a huge envelope from his desk drawer. "Take this." He pushes the envelope towards me.

I stare at him confused.

"That contains a huge amount of money. Take it. Take care of yourself and the baby. Leave Chance’s house and his life."

I stare at him bewildered and angry. How can he even bring himself to ask me to leave my friends and family?

"Sorry, sir. I can't take this, but I promise not to interfere in Chance’s life or force this child on him. Chance already made it clear he wants no part in this," I say calmly before standing to leave his office and house.

"Before you go, remember that Chance has a bright future ahead of him with Sam by his side. The fact that they are in love comes as a bonus. I was just helping you gain something from all this," he says before I run out of the room, not ready to hear more heart-piercing words.

Do you ever see or hear something that hurts so much, you can actually feel your heart shatter? Well, that’s how exactly I feel right now—alone, lost, and betrayed by my heart and by love.

I trudge down the steps towards the dining room, but no one is there except for a few maids cleaning up.

"Excuse me, where is everyone?" I ask one of the maids.

"They are in the living room."

I thank her and head to the living room where I can hear voices and laughter. I walk in and everyone looks at me.

"Are you alright because you look so pale?" Emma asks worriedly.

I place myself beside her. "Yeah, just allergies," I say, acting nonchalant.

"I’ll be leaving now," I say, glancing at Emma with pleading eyes. I then look at Elaina with a smile.

"We should be going too since it’s getting late," Emma whispers softly.

"Alright. Thanks for coming to dinner," Elaina says.

Emma, Damien, Louis, and I hug her goodbye and head outside with Chance and Sam escorting us. I stare at Chance and Sam with a genuine smile, or what I think looks genuine.

"I'm happy for you," I say hugging them, and then climb into Louis’s car.

That was the hardest lie I’ve ever had to tell. The ride is silent, which I am grateful for. I don't feel like saying anything because I might just burst into tears.

As soon as the car comes to a stop, I step out hastily wanting to get to my room, my safe haven. Before I can escape, Emma calls me.

"Shiloh, I am not letting you go without telling me what’s going on," she says, holding her ground with her hands crossed over her chest.

Damien and Louis head to their rooms, leaving us in silence.

"I am just tired. I need some rest and alone time," I say as calmly as possible.

"For goodness’ sake. Stop acting complacent," she cries out in frustration.

I regard her in silence for a few seconds. "Just drop it and let’s go to bed."

"Shiloh, what am I to you?" she asks, but before I can answer she continues. "I'm your friend, no, I'm your sister who is ready to listen to you and wipe your tears," she says, looking hurt and angry.

"Okay. What do you want me to tell you? That I am tired and frustrated?" I say, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Do you want to hear how much I hate this child because it took everything away from me—my father, my mother, my sister? And it took away Chance!" I yell. "I miss my mum and Sylvia so much. I can't help but think maybe if Chance and I hadn’t made this mistake, then I would be at home right now with my family. Maybe Chance would never love someone else or be getting married," I say.

Emma stares at me, not knowing what to say.

"Emma, he is no longer in love with me."

She takes my hands in hers, giving them a tight squeeze. "Real feelings don't go away that easily," she says softly.

"Maybe his feelings for me weren't real," I say, pulling my hands from hers. "I feel like I'm waiting for something that isn't going to happen. I guess we'll never know how good it could've been.” I leave for my room and thank God, she didn't stop me again

I don't think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself.

I plug my phone into the little speaker in my room, then strip off my dress to change into my pajamas. Crying in the Club by Camila Cabello blasts through the speakers, filling the silence of the room.

I can't get drunk with alcohol to forget my pain, but the music keeps my mind from thinking. I lie on the bed staring at the ceiling.

"No more tears because I didn't lose him. He lost me," I say, finding confidence in those words.

I place my hand on my belly, remembering my hurtful words.

"Mummy isn't angry with you, okay? I didn't mean any of those words," I say, rubbing my belly. "I will never be ashamed of you because even though I lost everything I still have you to love." I smile as the music plays.

If this is my ending, it is still a happy ending because no one will love me the way this baby will. The baby is the one who knows how my heartbeat feels from within.