Chapter 51

I gasp as a hint of blush showed up on my cheeks, my mind started shooting at me memories and fantasies of my own. Wetness between my thighs, I knew better than to think he wouldn't know about it. I had to shake my head to strand away from all those thoughts.

"I-," my voice came out weak and fragile as the nerves and doubt got the best of me.

It would be a big step for me to trust him like that after hearing his Alpha voice only hours ago, but I felt ready. I continued to trust him just as much, it had been the shock from hearing it and most importantly the memories from Khann, that through those seconds of shock had managed to find their way back to haunt me. I was fine again though, thanks to all the hardwork that Arsen had been putting all this time, and Darya's ability to keep me away from those nightmares as the braver and tougher side of me- my wolf rushed to lock them up again to be forgotten. Needless to say that I was also in desperate need of him- buried in me if it were up to me, but I knew that was still too off limits.

He lowered to my shoulder, taking a small step forward, placing his leg in between my legs. As soon as he started to whispered in my ear, he brought his leg slightly up, his hands on my waist keeping me planted as the pressure increased to the perfect level, "loud and clear, Aelin. We know each other," he whispered in my ear, recalling the rules that he had set out for us.

I used his own tactics on him and I whispered confidently to his ear, "yes, please."

Without giving him a second to think, I lunged for his neck. I kissed and sucked on his neck; he let out an amused chuckle that I *think* was hiding a grunt as he tilted his head to the side. My hands travel up from his torso to his chest before he lifts me up and takes me into our room. He closes the door behind him, not once making me stop my trail of movement as I keep on working at his neck. I bite teasingly his neck earning me a grunt coming from within.

"Aelin," his voice sounds ruskier and deeper, for once it seems slightly more difficult for him to talk. "Enough of that for today," he stated, making it clear it's his time to shine and not mine.

Wanting to see how he would react, I continued doing exactly what I was doing. My hands moved down to the hem of his shirt, I wanted to take it off. I got my hands underneath the soft fabric to meet his skin and defined V-line. I trace it with the tips of my fingers wanting to explore what was awaiting me lower down. His breath hitched in his throat. He pushed me against the wall, making the pressure grow where my legs met.

My head parted from his neck from gasping, he was quick to take his both hands and draw mine away from the lower part of his torso. I slid down a bit as his hands didn't help to hold me up, but he only pressed me even more against the wall to stop me from sliding. He was catching his breath as he looked at me, I was so struck by his face, he was having to oppress so much desire and this was the first time I got to see even a third of it.

"Are you sure?" I asked innocently. Now only wanting to fullfil those desires to the best of my abilities, I was jealous of everything I had allowed him to do to me, because I wanted to do it all to him back, "I want to-"

"Aelin, we're not having that conversation again," he asserted. He was serious as he slowly suppressed all those feelings that I was able to evoke in him, "you know what you agreed to, if you no longer want it say it, but it's that or nothing."

He makes his point clear but I don't like one word he said. I knew I should feel joyful that I had such a devoted partner and I was, but I wanted to pleasure him so much. It made me so frustrated, "I don't want the past to stop us now. I've had enough suffering and I don't want Khann or Ascian or Alpha Cassio or King Crius or my parents getting in the way of something this good, to hell-," I was too busy saying what I had in mind to realise Arsen's change of demeanour as I listed all the people that had played part in my nightmares.

"Who's Ascian?" He asked desperately, demanding a direct answer from me. I knew perfectly well that he wasn't oblivious to this Ascian guy was. He knew him, but he had never thought of him as *the* person, or should I say vampire.

"Arsen, I-," I couldn't get another word out before I crumbled under his intense eyes and the warfare that was going on inside my head.

"Just answer the question and I won't ask you another thing about it," he replied, he was meant to sound comforting but he didn't, he was commanding me to answer.

"Why do you want me to answer if you already know?" I try to dodge the question.

"Because I need you to confirm my assumptions," he stated.

"What are your assumptions?" I ask deliberately so that I would only have to verify those theories instead of having to answer him.

"I think you were a Moon lover to the son of King Crius of Vampires."

I nod, lowering my head.

"Were you supposed to marry him?" He questioned further.

I nod again my head, "I'm sorry, but I- at the time-," I tried excusing the fact that I was meant to marry Ascian instead of my mate.

He pulled my head to his shoulder and wrapped his arms around me, "I understand and it's okay, you don't have to excuse yourself."

"It keeps me up at night some times," I begin my confession, "thinking that if it wasn't for Khann, I would've never been able to be with you."

"Don't think that way. The Goddess always has a few aces up her sleeve, you were going to be mine one way or another," he comforts me.

"I don't want any of that to stop us. I don't care, they mean nothing to me. I choose not to affect me," I declare loud and clear for the universe to hear me.

Arsen is quick to calm me down, "I wish it was that easy, but it still has power over you, and it's okay." His consolation helps me, "you were very hurt by everyone that you thought loved you and that you loved and trusted. I'm okay with waiting, but I need you to be on board because I can't win against you," he explained.

"I'm with you, but I want you just as bad as you want me," I begin, yet he perks up an eyebrow with a funny look on his face. It was connon knowledge that Alpha males reacted much more vigorously to the mate bond than any other werewolf. "I want to do so many things to you, yet I can't even kiss your neck. And I'm grateful for everything you give me, but I want to give back and it frustrates me. Every day even more, I'm only asking you for small wins, to make me think that we're moving forward," my explanation seemed to work as he assessed my proposal, "little by little. You be in full control, but at least something to look out for," I keep on trying to persuade him.

He let out a breath of air, "you can touch it," he spits out. I almost chuckle on my own spit.

"What?" I say too stunned to think of something different to say.

"Only touch, get a feel of it, gather an idea of what it might look and feel like," he answered. My eyes lit up with hope and excitement. "No teasing or playing around. Feel then go," he ordered. I look down at his crotch. I hesitate on how I should approach. Worrying about everything that may or may not happen.

His hand grabbed mine and guided me to his lower parts. He took a deeo breath and held it in as my hand came in contact through his trousers of his penis. His hand guided me from the base of it to his tip. I was in awe looking down as he separated my hand from his parts. I had noticed how it had gone harder under my hold which made me feel pride.

Arsen let out the breath of air that he had been holding from the beginning. I was still reliving the sensation over and over again in my head, "Aelin."