Chapter 32

His arms go behind my back, and he moves me to his right, to the bed beside him. He lays me on it, and his eyes roam over my body and just like he asked of me, I don’t cover myself. I let him look at me, see me as no one ever has before. When he reaches for me, I notice his hand is shaking, and it hits me that maybe he’s just as nervous as me.

I take his hand, steadying it and reaching it down to where it was before. His finger strokes against where all the tension inside me seems to have coiled and I moan, arching my body into his hand. His eyes come alive while he watches me move with the pleasure he gives me. They go to my face, then my breasts, between my thighs, and back again. I sit up some, my hands going to the ties on the front of his pants, loosening them before I begin pushing them down.

At my first sight of the part of him that’s hard just for me, my hands still. It’s gorgeous, looking as smooth as it felt, and hard from how much I arouse him. His fingers leave me and he steps back, pushing his pants down until he can step out of them. And then we’re both bare, our heavy breaths filling the room as we stare into each other’s eyes.

“What are you waiting for?” I smirk.

“Only to know it’s still what you want.”

“I’ve never wanted anything more.”

With that, he places his knee on the bed between my legs. He crawls forward, and I slide backwards until I’m at the head of my bed. His body hovers over mine, his eyes soft now as he looks at me. He lowers and places a gentle kiss on my lips, as soft and sweet as the feeling of his hand ghosting down the skin of my stomach. The tip of his hardness rubs against me, and my body jumps as a gasp escapes me.

His lips go to my neck, and then he’s at my opening. My hands go to his back, tightening there as I begin to feel the pressure from him entering me. Then his body stills, and his kisses stop. He brings his head back to look into my eyes, and they’re pained.

“What is it?” I ask.

“You’re a virgin.”

I don’t say anything. Yes, I am. Is that a problem for him?

“And I don’t want to hurt you,” he continues softly.

Ah, I see. I bring my hands to his face, cradling it as I place a single kiss on his lips.

“You would never hurt me,” I whisper. “Please don’t stop now. I don’t think I’d survive.”

His lips get harder on mine, his kiss growing more demanding and hungry as he slides deeper inside me. There’s stretching, burning, and, yes, there’s pain, but it fades more with each thrust. The muscles on his back move under my hands as his chest rubs against my breasts. His body grinds against my most sensitive spot, sending me speeding towards release.

He slides in and out of me, my legs beginning to quiver on the sides of him from the pleasure overtaking me. Then his lips, that have been torturing my neck with licks and nips, move to my breast. He sucks my nipple into his mouth, and I moan his name. I try to muffle it by putting my mouth to his shoulder. I repeat it again and again, my nails digging into his skin while I spasm around him.

He releases my nipple and sits up, widening my thighs and holding them apart as he begins driving into me. I grip his forearms to keep myself from moving with each thrust, and arch my lower body up to take every inch of him inside me. His eyes are between my thighs, and I follow them there. I watch him entering and leaving me, the evidence of my orgasm on his length. Then he’s slowing down, moving me until his legs are bent underneath him, and he’s pulling me into his lap.

I wrap my arms around his neck, trailing my fingers along his marks as I go. His arms wrap around my back, bringing me closer to him, making me move on him. I gasp at the new angle making him hit a nerve inside me. His mouth curves up into a smirk, and I do what I think will wipe it right away. I circle my hips and the smirk falls, his mouth falling open on a sigh of pleasure. I do it again and again, loving the feeling of my breasts rubbing against him, of seeing his eyes go half-lidded with desire, of feeling his hands tighten on me.

Then my own pleasure takes over every other thought. I rise on him a little, and he gives a shallow thrust up into me. But it’s enough to have me releasing a shuddering breath as I go to the edge of ecstasy. Then he bites on my bottom lip, and I leap over that edge, falling headfirst into mindless bliss, and not caring a bit. My moans and gasps are probably too loud, but I can’t seem to stop as I wraith on him, the pleasure inside of me rising, prolonging my orgasm.

My eyes have closed, but they fly open when I hear him groan underneath me. I look at him just in time to see his own eyes close, pleasure clear in them. His head falls back as he comes inside me. I continue moving on him, slower than before though, until I feel his hands loosen on my hips, until his eyes open again, and he looks at me with pure satisfaction in his gaze.

“I love you,” I say low.

His eyes instantly soften, going from half-lidded to smiling. I wait, heart open and pleading, for him to say the same. He motions at his mouth, and I shake my head at my own forgetfulness. But how to word it? I don’t want to make him say the words, or a simple yes or no. So, I resort to what I asked earlier.

“What do you want to say?”

He smiles at my wording.

“I love you too. With all my heart and soul. With a fierceness I’ve never known a heart could possess, I love you.”

Relief and happiness fill me, and I bring my lips to his again. When we break part, he motions to his lips again.

“What do you want to say?” I repeat, damning myself for not thinking of ever asking this sooner.

“That that gray gown you wore matched your eyes so perfectly, and I found it hard to even breath when I looked at you. That I’ve spent all my days trying to think of a way to get you out of having to marry Azar. That when you called for me from Sameer, and I couldn’t reach you my heart hurt so badly, I thought it would die before you returned. I want to say that then you went and saved yourself from Azar, from your father’s disregard for you, and I’ve never been prouder of anyone. That you’re strong, and brave, and even more importantly, kind-hearted and compassionate. I need you to know that when you summoned me to my house, allowed me to find my sword, a heart I thought had died long ago started beating again, and I know it wouldn’t have done it for anyone but you.

“I want to say that I sit on the beach and in my home, thinking of all the things I wish I could say to you, of all the emotions I wish I could share on my own. That I don’t know if there’s any way for me to have you, but I want you with all the hope I have inside of me.”

As he speaks, my heart cracks open, absorbing every word as if they are the water it needs to grow, to live again. My soul reaches forward, latching onto Hamza and promising to never let go, that I could never love another the way I love him. Tears come to my eyes at the love I feel, both within and from Hamza. When he notices my tears, he brings his hands up, wiping them away with his thumbs.

“What I want to say the most,” he continues, his voice softer. “Is that I love you. I have loved you. I will always love you.”

I cannot speak, not with the tears and emotions clogging my throat, and because my heart and soul want to say too many things at once. Instead I put my face in the crook of his neck, letting my tears of happiness, a first for me, fall on his skin. His arms tighten around me, holding me so close, I can feel his heart beating against my chest.

“I don’t know how we’ll be together,” I finally say. “But we will. I will find a way to bring you home, to bring you here with me. I promise. Is that what you want?”

He sits me up, him slipping out of me, and makes me look into his eyes. “I want that, more than I can say. I want forever with you more than any amount of words could express, but that all means nothing if you were to perish in pursuit of it, Ameera. Your father is cruel, almost as much as Azar. You have two dangerous men who want something from you, and will not stop until they get it. I would rather you be safe and whole than risking your life and wellbeing for me.”

I look away from him because that is precisely what I have been thinking of doing. Risking very much, not just for him, but for all of Nur. Aren’t they worth it? Isn’t Hamza? He moves his head until my eyes clash with his, and I push thoughts of plans and dangers aside to enjoy what I have left of this moment. I let myself dream of what could be for a moment with him.

“What would we do, if I had a day away from here, with you?” I ask.

His mouth curves up into a smile. “I would take you to the beach, swim with you in the water and do things that the Shams people would shield their eyes from. I would show you my house, all the shells I have been collecting to make a necklace for you. The bed I lay in, thinking of you so much that I can’t fall asleep.”

I grin at his answer and give one of my own. But it’s a reality I hope comes true. “If you could come back here, I would take you into the village to meet Najla, who makes me the very best gowns, and her children. I would make you try a pastry from the bakery I love. I would introduce you to Maryam as the man I love. She would challenge you to a sparring match just to make sure you’re good enough to protect me.”

He arches a brow at that, and I throw my head back in laughter.

“Hey, I’ve never seen you fight. You might be horrible.”

His mouth hangs open in shock and offense.

“We shall spar one day,” I tell him. “But no fighting now. Now, is a time for love.”

His hands move up my back until they’re on my shoulder blades, his fingers coming to the front and settling on my collarbone. We hold each other in silence, eventually lying on our sides, his face going into the crook of my neck, and his arms wrapping around my middle. I should sleep, my eyelids are heavy and sluggish, but I cannot force them to close. I don’t want to miss a single moment of the limited time we have together.

Hamza’s even breaths rustle my hair as he slumbers in my arms. How I wish we could stay here, cocooned in our love for each other instead of having to go out and face the world and all its problems. Only when the sun begins to rise do I wake Hamza up. I lightly shake him, and even though he smiles, his eyes remain closed.

“Hamza.” I chuckle. “You have to wake up, my love.”

His eyes slowly peek open, and his smile grows. He motions to his mouth. Our new thing, I guess.

“What do you have to say?”

“I didn’t want to open my eyes. I was afraid it was all a dream. That I would open my eyes and be back in Shams, my arms empty, and my love still unspoken.”

“It was real. It is real. We are real,” I whisper, kissing him long and slow.

Movement in the hallways, likely the servants beginning their duties makes my eyes snap to my door.

“You must go. I will summon you tonight, if I can.”

We both get out of bed, dressing in a hurry before Hamza comes to me one more time, hands cradling my face before he kisses me so tender and sweet, my eyes close, savoring the moment. Then he’s gone, the smell of rain remaining in the space before me where the one who owns my heart just stood.

I quietly remove the bar from my door and get into the bed, the warmth of Hamza still on the sheets. I finally go to sleep, only to be awoken shortly thereafter by my father’s voice.