Chapter 16

What is happening with me, I really am Pregnant? Can I handle this pregnancy? Can I be a good mother? What should I do now? Should I keep this or get aborted. What the fuck are you thinking Ell? You wanted to adopt a child but you are going to have your own without an adoption. Yes why the hell am I getting tensed, I wanted to adopt a child, now I'm getting the child from me. From where, these hell thoughts are coming?

"So are you ready, Elena" Doctor asked, what?

"Sorry" I answered

"I have to run some tests on you, Can you come tomorrow?" she asked, Why tests? I nodded

"So I'll make your appointment in the evening, is that okay?" she said doing some paper work

"Okay but could you make it after five"

“6 then, Okay?" She said with a big smile, I nodded. She told me to have healthy food and take plenty of rest. We both greeted again and I came out.

I'm going to have this child but I have to be careful from now. Should I have to tell him? What if he doesn’t want the child? NO, I won't tell him, He can't decide whether to have or not, even if he is against it I don't give a fuck, this is my Child, Mine! I'm going to have him. I placed my hand on my stomach, "Don't worry baby mummy is with you, she loves you, she will fight with the whole world for you, Come-on lets go home and have a healthy food". I'm talking with the child, don't know if he can hear or not, but I'm talking.

I reached home but still I'm having so many thoughts, I want to share this to someone but no, not until tomorrow. Can I be a Good Mother? Can I handle the Child? These questions are ringing around my head.

"Ell Dear, How are you? Please tell me you are fine" it is my mother's voice, I think I've called her, but when did I?

"ELL!!!"

"Yes Mom, I'm fine"

"Thank God you've never called at this time, I was worried" She said with concern, Yeah I don't call at this time, I call her late at night, but why did I call her now

"Please Ell, tell me what it is?" she asked

"Can I be a Good Mother, Mom?" don't know where these words came from, but these are the damn words that came out of my mouth

"Ell Dear, You are a strong woman, you will definitely be the best mother" she assured

"I thought you are going to adopt next year" she said. Thank god, she thinks I'm asking this because of the adoption. I want to tell her but stopped. I'll tell her after the whole tests and stuff completes, I told myself.

"Hmm"

"But darling what will you do if that child wants a Daddy" What????

"I know you don't like to be in a relation, but you wanted your father badly" she said slowly. Yes how can I forget that, when they both got divorced he left and didn't come back, I used to cry for him. I don't want my child to face the same situation I had. I should tell him, what if he doesn’t wants to? I have to ask him first, then...

"Ell, tell me" My mother asked

"What?"

“That you'll try to have a relation, at least for the child" she pleased

"Okay" I said, I don't think I can but, I have to talk with him

"Thank you darling, I love you so much” she is happy with my answer I think.

"Okay Mom, take care bye, I have work to do" I said and cut the call.

This is hell, I called my mother without knowing. I almost told her about my pregnancy and thinking whether to tell him or not, Ell take a deep breath, calm down you are not alone, baby is with you, I told myself. I took a deep breath and placed my hand on my stomach "Sorry dear, let’s eat something" I said

I looked over the internet and searched for healthiest food, made some with the available ingredients at home and started eating. I like the food I made; I hope my baby also likes it.

"Hey, eating, already?" Nat questioned

"Yeah, Hungry" I shrugged; She laughed and went to her room.

I'm in the office busy in finishing up the work. I had a healthy lunch; still I'm hungry, so I was having a chocolate while working. I have to go to the hospital, then I'll decide whether to tell him or not, I rolled my eyes and started back my work. I wanted to say ‘No’ to Mike's date proposal, but I don't know how to say, he is my friend I can't make him feel bad, but I have to tell him, I can't go on a date with my situation. Okay after the whole medical thing I'll tell him, I said to myself and looked at Mike, he is busy with his work.

I reached the hospital, "Doctor is with another appointment" the receptionist said. I sat on the vacant chair in the corner.

"Miss Garcia" one of the women in mask called, I went inside the Doctors room, she has done some tests on me I think, checked my weight and we sat.

"Can I see the baby?" I asked, I wanted to see my baby from yesterday, I wanted to look how he looks

"Of course you can” she took me to the bed, asked me to sleep and placed a remote like thing on my lower stomach.

"See on that screen” she pointed to a screen, screen is whole Gray in colour. I didn’t find anything.

"Can you see that" she asked, wait is that spot my baby. I looked back at the Doctor for confirmation, she nodded. He is so small, no so tiny he is inside me, my ears got wet that's when I realised I was crying, I am very happy. I am going to be a Mother, I want to jump but I smiled at the Doctor. We went back to the places we were before.

"You have to be careful Elena" Doctor said, I can see concern in her voice.

"Okay I'll" I said her but she looks sad and I can't read her expression

"You and the Foetus.... both are so weak, If you...." She stopped what? Please tell me, don’t stop it

"If you don't take enough care of you both, this may lead to miscarriage"

NO, No, No, No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!