Chapter 185: Fractured touch

Lucas lay still, eyes shut, breaths too measured. The steady beep of the monitor filled the quiet room, but his mind was anything but calm.

It had been two days since he woke up. Two days of partial amnesia. Two days of confusion about one man who refused to leave his side.

Alex had always spent his free time with Lucas who always pretended to be asleep. He was aware that he was faking the sleep but decided to give him time.

Unfortunately, that afternoon, Alex came by when the doctor was making his rounds. He decided to expose it.

Lucas’s fingers twitched slightly against the bedsheet as that familiar scent drifted into the room. He had already memorized that cologne. It was clean, sharp, with something warm beneath it.

“He’s here again.” He muttered.

Instinctively, he stilled his body, forcing his breathing back into that slow, even rhythm he thought he had perfected.

The door clicked softly.

Alex and the doctor stepped in.

“Doctor, how is he today?” Alex’s voice was low, controlled, but carried a strain that Lucas couldn’t ignore.

“He’s improving physically,” the doctor replied. “But the memory loss remains. It may take time or certain emotional triggers to help him recall.”

Silence followed.

Lucas could feel the weight of Alex’s gaze on him.

“He seems to be asleep every time I'm around. Is that normal, doctor?” Alex asked quietly.

Lucas almost faltered.

“He may be awake at times when you’re not here,” the doctor said. “Patients sometimes respond differently depending on emotional stimuli.”

Then footsteps drew closer.

Lucas’s pulse spiked, but he kept still.

Alex exhaled softly, and Lucas felt the warmth near his hand.

“I’ll step out for a moment,” the doctor said, sensing the tension.

The door shut and a heavy, silence followed.

Lucas told himself to keep pretending, just a little longer.

But then, to his surprise, that sweet voice called him.

“Lucas…”

Not just calling his name, but feeling it.

Lucas's chest tightened.

“I know you’re awake.”

Lucas’s heart slammed against his chest. Damn it.

“I’ve watched you long enough to know when you’re really asleep,”    Alex continued, softly, almost pleading. “You don’t have to hide from me. I understand you felt confused, but hiding won't help solve this.”

Lucas’s lashes trembled.

He couldn’t keep it up anymore.

Slowly, and hesitantly, his eyes opened.

And there Alex was standing beside the bed. Eyes locked onto him, something raw and unguarded flickering within them. It was relief, pain, and something deeper.

“I know you’re awake. I've always known. Even last night, you’re.” Alex breathed, as if the words themselves were fragile.

Lucas swallowed, his throat dry.

“I… I didn’t know what to say,” he admitted, his voice quieter than he intended.

Alex let out a soft, almost broken laugh.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just…” He stopped himself, running a hand through his hair before stepping closer. “Just seeing you like this, conscious. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for that?”

Lucas frowned slightly, confusion knitting his brows.

“Why?” he asked. “Why do you talk like that?”

Alex stilled.

Lucas pushed himself up slightly, his gaze searching Alex’s face.

“You speak to me like… like I’m everything to you.” He continued, uncertainty creeping into his tone.  “But I don’t even remember being with you. I don’t remember us.”

The word us felt foreign on his tongue.

“I’ve never been in a relationship,” Lucas added, almost defensively. “So why… why do you act like I’m your…”

“Heaven and earth?” Alex finished softly.

Lucas froze and silence stretched between them.

“Yes,” Lucas said at last.

Alex moved closer, slowly, as if approaching something fragile that might shatter.

“You really don’t remember anything at all,” he murmured.

Lucas shook his head positively.

“I was going to ask my sister,” he admitted. “I thought maybe she could explain how I…how we…”

“You don’t need anyone else to explain it,” Alex cut in gently.

Lucas looked up at him. “Then explain it to me,” he said.

Alex hesitated. For a moment, his composure cracked. “I missed you,” he said instead, his voice dropping, thick with emotion. “God… Lucas, I missed you so much.”

Lucas’s breath caught.

“I sat here every day, talking to you, hoping you’d open your eyes,” Alex continued, stepping even closer until he sat right beside him on the bed. “And now you’re here, and you’re looking at me like I’m a stranger.”

“I…I…” Lucas stuttered.

“I’m glad you’re awake,” Alex added quickly, softer now. “That’s all that matters. Even if you don’t remember me for now, I’ll take that. I’ll take anything.”

Lucas’s chest tightened unexpectedly. Why did that hurt?

Why did he feel like he was the one losing something?

Alex reached out slowly, giving him enough time to pull away.

Lucas didn’t.

Warm fingers wrapped gently around his hand.

Lucas’s heart fluttered and he stiffened slightly, startled by his own reaction. What was that?

“I love you, Lucas” Alex said quietly.

The words landed like a shockwave.

Lucas’s breath hitched.

His mind screamed confusion and resistance, but his heart betrayed him. It raced fast, unsteady, and drawn.

Lucas stared at their joined hands, then back at Alex’s face.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered.

Alex’s thumb brushed lightly over his knuckles, a simple touch, but it sent a strange warmth up Lucas’s arm.

“You don’t have to,” Alex replied. “Not yet.”

Lucas swallowed, his gaze dropping again as that unfamiliar feeling stirred in his chest.

“Then why does it feel like I should?” he murmured.

Alex didn’t answer immediately.

He just held his hand tighter.

And Lucas didn’t pull away.

Alex’s fingers rose slowly, as if even the air between them was fragile.

Then he touched him. A soft stroke along Lucas’s cheek. It was gentle, familiar, and intimate.

Lucas froze.

The warmth of that touch sent a sharp, confusing ripple through his chest, and his pulse jumped without permission. For a split second, he leaned into it. Then reality crashed back.

Lucas stiffened abruptly and pulled his hand away, shifting back against the bed.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, his voice uneven. “I… I don’t remember you.”

The words landed hurtfully.

Alex’s hand lingered midair before slowly dropping, his expression tightening as the impact sank in. The hurt wasn’t hidden, it was raw, immediate.

“Please…” Alex’s voice broke slightly as he sat closer again, desperate. “Baby, don’t pull away from me. It hurts.”

Lucas’s breathing picked up.

“You love me,” Alex continued, his tone urgent now, almost pleading. “You love me as much as I love you. Just stay with me… please.   Your memory of us, they’ll come back faster if you don’t shut me out.”

Each word pressed heavier on Lucas’s chest. It was too much and too intense.

“You’re scaring me,” Lucas said suddenly. The confession slipped out before he could stop it.

Alex stilled.

“Scaring you?” he repeated, quieter now.

Lucas swallowed hard, his heart pounding so loudly he could hear it in his ears.

“You’re making me feel… feel…”

Alex shifted cautiously on the bed, his voice softer, coaxing. “Feel what, baby?”

Lucas shook his head, struggling to put it into words.