*“I am done looking for love where it doesn’t exist. I am done coughing up dust in attempts to drink from dry wells.” ― Maggie Young*
***Neron***
**Fifteen Years Ago**
*It was happening again*. *Just like last week*.
*Nothing has ever been the same since Mom and Nuria died*. *How could they be*? *Dad had completely changed*. *He became someone I couldn’t recognize anymore, not with his eyes shining like gloss and his breath infused with alcohol*. *Not with his slurring words and explosive anger whenever I stepped a foot out of line*. *Heck, if I breathed the wrong way, he’d get angry*.
*I don’t think I ever understand why our lives had become this way*. *Beta Steven did his best to keep the pack afloat while Dad drowned in beer and whisky, but he was no alpha*. *Yet, I liked it better when he was in charge*. *At least he didn’t hit me*.
*I tossed my backpack across my room and melted into the navy-blue bedsheets on my bed, my mind buzzing with thoughts of my mother and sister*. *It’s been over a year since they returned to our Moon Goddess*. *Every time I walked past what used to be Nuria’s bedroom, my heart did a weird jump that hurt so much*. *Her scent was disappearing from her blankets and pillows, the only reminders of her life*. *Sometimes, I’d sneak into that room and sleep on the empty bed when I began missing her too much*.
*Nuria would call me a big baby if she saw me now, ignoring our four-year age difference*. *Goddess, she made it her life’s mission to bother me, like it was her civic duty as my little sister*. *Now she’s gone, and I missed her teasing*. *I’d give her anything to call me a big baby or slowpoke again*.
*Mom had a talent for cheering me up whenever I was sad*. *When she’d see me in tears, she’d sit me on her lap and sing lullabies to me in her native language, Norwegian, while rocking me from side-to-side*. *Dad used to scold Mom, claiming she was babying me too much, but I didn’t care*. *She was warm and soft, and I’d accept her comfort over anything, any day*.
*My eyes stung*. *And the tears finally fell*. *Sniffling, I wiped them away as fast as I could, thinking Dad was in the room*.
*Alphas don’t cry*.
*No one wanted a weak alpha*.
*I need to get myself together*. *After all, I had a lesson with Dad coming up*.
*Rising from my bed, a gleam of light shined in my peripherals*. *I turned my head to be met with my small table adorned with white candles sitting at the corners of a framed picture of Mom and Nuria*. *The wicks were charred black*. *The melted wax hardened around the misshapen body into tiny pools on the wood*. *It was a tiny memorial I made for the anniversary of their deaths two weeks ago*.
“*I hope you both are okay up there with Selene*.” *I murmured in a soft prayer, hopping off the mattress*. *Orange sunlight stretched across my body and on the door, warning the day’s end*. *The light was supposed to be warm*. *Why didn’t I feel warm*?
*Actually, I couldn’t remember the last time I felt warm*.
*I ran a hand through my hair and left my room on my way to the alpha’s office*. *Dad should be in there since Steven was helping his mate and Raina*. *Yet, when I thought of them, my mind strayed to the little girl who was cast out of their family*.
*I didn’t see Hali when I came home from school*. *She was probably in the kitchen or stuffed in the dungeons below our home*. *The latter caused my heart to twist in pain*. *It wasn’t right for a ten-year-old to be there*. *Why couldn’t anyone see that*?!
*My thoughts of her were destroyed when when I slapped my hands over my mouth as the stink of alcohol hit my nose*. *Again*! *I retched into my hands*. *It was the poison that turned Dad from a strong, dutiful alpha to a broken man*. *I hated him for choosing to cope with the bottle*. *I hated him for drinking bottle after bottle like it was water from a well*.
*And just as I expected, when I stepped in from the conveniently unlocked door, the corner clinked against a stray bottle*. *The accursed thing rolled onto the carpet until it stopped, spilling its leftovers into the beige fabric*.
*Stupid fucking thing*! *I’ve thrown more of its friends and family away more times than I could count*.
*The bottles were everywhere, littering the floor and the desk where my father was slouched over*. *My ears couldn’t pick up any breathing*. *How much did he have to drink this time*?!
“*Dad*?” *I whispered, panicked*. *My legs carried me over to him and my hands gently shook his thick arm*. *He didn’t respond or move*. “*Dad*! *Dad, wake up*!”
*No, no*! *I couldn’t lose him too*! *I can’t lose the only family I had left*!
*I shook him as hard as I could, begging him to wake up*. *Damning tears fell down my cheeks*.* I’ve never felt so small, so powerless, and so pathetic before him*. *His hand dropped the bottle, but I didn’t care when the horrible thing shattered on the floor*.
*I thought of contacting Beta Steven and Gamma Omar for help until I heard a groan from the slumped-over man*. *Dad was alive*! *He was okay*! *I breathed out a sigh of relief, feeling my heart calm down at its normal pulse*.
*Everything was going to be okay*.
*Until a hard smack to my face told me it wouldn’t be*.
*My hand shot up to my cheek, blossoming with needle-like pain stretching to my chin and the corner of my eye*. *Dad’s glassy, drunken glare shot daggers into my heart, or what was left of it for him, shredding it into pieces*. *His harsh exhales fanned my face, tainted with the sharp smell of liquor*.
*Out of self-preservation, I inched away from him, still holding my cheek*.
“*Why*…?” *I whispered as more tears dripped from my face*. *He promised he wouldn’t do this again, especially after the last time he hit me*. *He promised*!
“*So fucking weak*.” *He growled*. “*No one is going to take you seriously if you don’t stop that insipid crying*! *What the fuck are you*? *A man or a goddamn baby*?”
“*You weren’t breathing*…” *I responded, my voice barely a murmur*. “*I thought you were*—”
“*I will die one of these days, Neron*.” *Dad reprimanded, reclining in his chair*. “*One day, I won’t be here, just like your mother and sister*. *Learning how to stand up on your own two feet is the only way to ensure your surviva*l. *You need to be strong to lead Zircon Moon, and you’re not off to a good start*.”
*He shot up from his chair, rattling his desk*. *A framed picture of us as a family fell forward*. *I couldn’t say anything, mostly because my cheek still hurt*. *Will I always be weak to Dad*? *Will I ever be strong enough to make him happy*?
“*I’m sorry*…”
“*That’s what you always say, but you disappoint me every time, son*.” *A shadow swept over me in Dad’s dominating presence*. *He’s always been bigger, taller, and more powerful than me*. *I didn’t stand a chance against him*. “*You must do better to not only make me proud but the alphas before you*. *Your mother is not here to hold your hand anymore, so don’t expect me to*. *The last thing I need is a failure for a son who can’t rise to the level of his predecessors*.”
“*I’ll do better, I promise*,” *I pleaded, unable to look him in the face*. *This was my reality*. *No one knew how deep Dad’s grief went, except me*. *No one knew Dad would hit me when he was too drunk*. *I didn’t want anyone to worry about me*.
*I couldn’t be weak*. *I couldn’t fail Dad*. *I need to get stronger; be stronger*.
*Sighing, I wiped my tears and inhaled deeply*. *Dad simply grunted and rolled his eyes at me*. “*It’s late for your lesson*. *Since tomorrow is the weekend, we’ll start bright and early*. *I expect you outside at 8 AM for strength training*. *Understand*?”
“*Yes, Dad*.”
“*At least you have respect for your superiors*.” *He huffed, sucking a breath through his teeth*. “*Get out of my sight and finish your homework*.”
*I couldn’t leave the office fast enough*. *The pain on my cheek was like a magnet for my hand, holding onto it until I reached my room*. *Only then was it safe enough to drop it*. *I didn’t need to look in the mirror to know that a bruise was forming, but just like with all werewolves, it'll heal in no time*.
*Destroying any and every damning piece of evidence of my Dad’s transgressions*.
*My back pressed against the cold door, sliding downward until I slumped to the ground, unable to pick my head up*. *Onyx tried to comfort me with soothing words of encouragement of comfort, but they bounced off the wall surrounding my heart*. *There were no more tears left to shed or energy to scream*.
*All I could do was mourn the loss of my father*.
*Because I no longer knew the man taking up space in his office*.
---------------------------------------------------
**Present Time**
*Drip*. *Drip*. *Drip*.
Cold water unceremoniously splashed on my cheek, dragging me out of my stupor. The droplets slid down to the corner of my lips, fragments of the dirty water slipping into my mouth and tongue. It tasted like dirt. Groaning, I swirled a wad of spit with it and spat the disgusting thing out. My eyelids were as heavy as cinderblock and my muscles were stiffer than tree barks, even when I straightened my neck.
However, if there was one thing I could count on, it was the searing pain bursting from the right side of my waist, sinking down to my hip and stretching across my back and stomach.
“Goddamnit…” I moaned, hanging my head. Jingles of metal sang above my head when I tried to move my arms and it earned me strings of pain encircling just above my armpit.
I wasn’t just chained. They chained me with fucking silver! Dad went all out to punish me, didn’t he?
“**What a fucking prick**.” Onyx grumbled, failing to disguise the weakness in his voice. “**Can you move anything else besides your arms**?”
“*I think so*. *Everything fucking hurts, though*.”
“**You’re a tough cookie**. **You can handle it**.”
*Thanks for the words of encouragement, Onyx*.
While I worked on getting my eyes open, I tried to get a feel of my surroundings. Obviously, I felt the rustiness of the chains digging into my wrists. The ground I was sitting on was very rocky, pebbles big and small, digging into the back of my legs. My nose picked up the musty scent of earth mixed with water, along with the hint of blood.
My blood.
But when the offending metallic stench invaded my nostrils, memories of the recent past flooded my senses. My body broke out into a sweat like I was back at the waterfall.
My date with my girlfriend was ruined.
There was a struggle, and I got hurt. The stinging in my chest was the reminder.
I protected Kiya from Dad’s attack. My back screamed from the pain and burning.
Then…Kiya…
“KIYA!” My eyes shot open as my screams reverberated off the dirtied rocky walls of my prison. Heaving, I coughed with every inhale, forcing out the fissions of pain whirring below my diaphragm. I darted my head around the space and noted several things: it was dark minus the solitary torch illuminating a corner of my cell, water continued to drip down my face from above, and there was a doorless exit far from my reach.
Arching my head upward, pointed ends glared at me menacingly from their place above. Stalagmites.
A cave? I’m in a cave?
I inhaled, hoping to pick up Kiya’s sweet scent, but I kept getting dirt, dirt, and more dirt. She wasn’t here.
The last time I saw her was that our assailants threw her into the river…
Pain was picked up by the throat and was tossed aside for my anger to take over. Pure, scorching anger. My rage had three targets: my father for bringing trouble to what was supposed to be a peaceful date, myself for failing to protect the woman I love before she got truly hurt, and—
Hurried footsteps echoed from the distant exit, growing louder as they drew closer. No scent followed with the amalgamation of wet earth, yet it pissed me off. The footsteps stopped at the exit, now treading carefully inside one step at a time. I narrowed my vision at the intruder; the torch highlighting half her face and gleeful, yet sinister smile.
I didn’t miss the mass of dead tissue encircling her neck, right under a tattoo of a blood-eyed snake.
“Your father is a stubborn man.” Odessa huffed, propping her fists on her hips. Her black skirt swayed with her movements. My eye caught the dark armor plate molded against her form. “I told him that you shouldn’t be placed in this dirty ol’ cell, but he said you needed to learn a lesson.”
My eye twitched when a water droplet sunk in it.
“Tsk. Is that bothering you?” Odessa walked up, her hard shoes crushing the pebbles beneath. She held her hand under the dripping stalagmite, setting her crotch directly in front of my face. The black hilt of her weapon glittered under the dancing torch. “I could try again, you know, you get you moved.”
“Get your crotch out of my face, Odessa,” I demanded, my voice void of all amusement. My cheerful demeanor died the moment Dad fucked up my day. The woman above me bowed her head and raised her lips in a smirk.
“Why? You used to eat me out this way.”
“I’m not in the mood for your fucking games.” Ignoring my body’s protests, I shifted my body by tucking my heavy legs underneath my rear. My arms were a lost cause. “Where the fuck am I and why did Dad bring me here?”
“You’re in an underground cave system.” Odessa shrugged her shoulders, turning her hand to drop the collection of water on my face. “If you’re hoping that anyone would come and rescue you, give it up. You’re stuck down here, whether you like it or not.”
From a logical standpoint, it seems hopeless. I had no idea where I was or how close I was to home. Unless a group of humans stumble upon the cavern on their spelunking expedition, calling out for help would be futile.
Odessa’s wicked eyes waited for a reaction; a sign to let her know I was at a loss or panicking. I schooled my features and reciprocated her gaze with indifference. I refuse to give her the satisfaction she was looking for. Her face contorted with a mix of frustration and curiosity, her lips parting to expel a heavy sigh as she drew her arms to her chest.
“You know we killed her, right? Your little bitch is dead.” She said with a pep in her voice. Her grin infuriated me, but I did my best not to show it. Reaching to her hip, she pulled out her blade. My stomach did somersaults when the scent of Kiya’s blood assaulted my nose. “You want to know something funny?”
“Humor me.”
“I wanted to bring her here too.” Odessa stepped back and twirled the hilt between her fingers. “I would’ve made her truly suffer for ruining my life. For killing me. That’s why I accepted Jonathan and Apophis’ proposal to come back to life so I can make the bitch pay for all the people she hurt. I would’ve made you watch too.”
“**I swear to our Moon Goddess, I will eat her and shit her out in a ravine**.” Onyx hissed.
I could feel my wolf’s fury boiling like a geyser in my chest. Odessa was goading me, trying to get me to react to her morbid fantasies of hurting Kiya. But I knew one thing that she didn’t.
My pack members heard my calls for help and made it in time to rescue her.
Kiya was alive. Our bond was telling me so. She survived the assault.
And I refused to say a damn thing about it. Knowing how crazed Odessa was right now, poisoned with revenge and hatred, she’d go back to finish the job.
Silence was not golden, but my silence will protect my love.
Odessa’s frustration rolled off her like waves. Her hands clutched the hilt tight to the point I could see her black veins pulsate from her fist. “Why aren’t you saying anything?!”
“Because there is nothing to say.”
“You didn’t react when I said Kiya was dead.” She pointed at me. “That means you truly didn’t love her, did you?”
*Don’t react, Neron*. *Don’t react*.
“If that thought makes you sleep at night.”
“Was she a good fuck?”
“It sounds like you believe so.”
“She couldn’t be better than me!”
*I beg to differ*. “Why you’re so invested in my sex life? I don’t think Dad brought you here to poke into my business.”
The thick red band around her eyes pierced through the darkness, glowing with her frustrated screams. Once an enemy showed emotion, their level of intimidation drops significantly. Odessa wasn’t very intimidating from the beginning, but it appeared I’ve hit a sore spot. Many sore spots, actually.
She wanted me back. She wanted me to love her again, to return to what our relationship used to be.
“It should’ve been me!” The woman in the makeshift armor screamed at herself. “It should’ve always been me! I’m the best thing to have ever happened to you!”
“Jealousy ages you, Odessa.” I huffed. “Do you *not* remember your confession where you admitted the only reason you were with me was that I made you look good? My prestige and power were all you wanted, Odessa.”
“You misunderstood me!”
“If you’re going to stand there and continue to gaslight me, expecting a different response, or better yet, expecting me to claim you as mine again, you’re sorely mistaken. You weren’t much of a dreamer, Odessa, and it won’t begin today.”
Her body trembled, then stopped. A breath left her nose, and she stuffed her bloodied blade back in its sash. “I told you that you’ll suffer for your choices.”
“I’m living life the way I want to, Odessa. It’s you who is suffering the consequences of your own actions.”
“Asshole.” She snapped. “Jonathan’s tricks better work or else I’m claiming you in my **own** way!”
*Tricks*? *What tricks*?
Worry had entered as the third player in this game. Shifting my body again, ignoring the chains above me, I cleared my throat. “What tricks are you talking about, Odessa?”
Her sneer shifted into a knowing smirk. She raised her hand and wagged a finger. “I’ll tell you for a kiss!”
“*Are you finished, Odessa*? *You’re boring me*.”
Both of our heads snapped to the entrance where my father stood with his hip angled against the rocky wall. He folded his arms and glared at Odessa, who shuddered and shrunk back a step. I arched an eyebrow at the dynamic between the two, silently observing. My stomach somersaulted again, this time with Dad’s presence.
“I-I was just reminding Neron about how hopeless the situation is.” She trembled, slowly straightening her back. From the side, I could see a nervous smile forming on her lips. “And I wanted to check on him and—”
“Are you hard of hearing? I never permitted you to check on him.”
Something inside of me coiled and hid away from the volume and hardness of his voice. The memories accompanying the revulsion weren’t so pleasant either.
“No, but—”
“Get out.” He demanded. “Katalina should be returning with Celeste. I want you to see that she is unharmed and placed with Nuria until I arrive. Understood?”
“Y-yes, sir. Okay.” Odessa bowed her head and quickly scampered to the exit.
“Oh, and Odessa?”
I jerked forward when Dad wrapped his hand around Odessa’s hair and jerked her head backward so hard I thought he’d pull her head straight off her shoulders. The woman shrieked and whimpered, her hands flying up to pull back on her tresses, no doubt feeling the sting throughout her scalp. Dad towered over Odessa by over a foot, a significant advantage he had over the smaller woman.
“I haven’t forgotten your blind disobedience when I told you to bring Nuria to me unharmed. You will answer to me as to why she had those bruises on her face.”
*These fuckers hurt my sister*?!
“It wasn’t me! I tried to stop Rhea, but—!”
“No excuses.” Dad pushed Odessa back so hard that she hit the wall face-first. I involuntarily cringed, her soft cries grating my eardrums. “I’ll deal with you and the manic bitch later. I am not to be disobeyed. Let this be a lesson for you to always listen to your superiors.” He released her hair. “Now, go.”
Odessa didn’t wait any longer and disappeared from the entrance. It was just us two alone in a dingy cave prison. The tension between us was like an electric current, waiting for one of us to break it.
Before Dad could open his mouth, I gritted my teeth and spoke.
“It’s bad enough that you dragged me here, but you had to bring Mom and Nuria as well? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
Dad blinked before chuckling. “You should watch how you speak to me, son.”
“Fuck you! I said it once and I’ll say it again; I am not your son!” I pulled at the chains holding my arms above me. “Get me the fuck out of these things!”
“I’ll decide if you’re well-behaved enough to be released.” He quipped, walking deeper into my cage. “You don’t want to chat with your old man?”
“Now, you’re mocking me. What the hell were you thinking, swearing your allegiance to a mad god? You wanted power so much that you sacrificed your soul for it?”
“Neron, I’m a man with nothing to lose with everything to gain.” He repeated from earlier, kneeling down in front of me, propping his elbows on his thighs and folding his hands in front of him. “In spite of the *continuous* wrong decisions you love to make, I’m doing what’s right for my family. You, Celeste, and Nuria all belong to me as fate has foretold.”
“They don’t love you anymore.”
“They will, eventually. I refuse to stand by and watch my wife whore herself out to another man, and Nuria will always be my little girl.”
“We aren’t your possessions, Dad.” I barked, feeling fatigue stepping up to the plate. “You can’t force us to be a happy family again. That dream died long ago and I, for one, am not up for rehashing it. Whatever Apophis has promised you; I guarantee that he’ll fuck you over in the end.”
“Maybe he will, maybe he won’t.” Dad shrugged his shoulders. “It’s all worth it because I get to kill two birds with one stone: I’ll get you all back where you belong, and I’ll put an end to your little bitch’s legacy.”
My eyes widened, and Dad responded with a chuckle.
“You didn’t think that I wouldn’t know she’s alive? Unfortunately, Kiya is a roach. Once you think you got rid of her, she always comes back. What Odessa and Rhea gave her was nothing more but a scratch. Unfortunately, for you, it means I get plenty of chances to ruin her before she dies and stays dead.”
“That’s your fucking problem.” I replied, the anger bubbling in me again. “You always thought that Kiya was a pushover; a punching bag to all your problems. In turn, you underestimate her talents and resourcefulness. You can’t take that someone who you believe to be beneath you has bested you in almost every way. It’s insulting to you as an alpha, isn’t it? She has more courage in her left pinky than you do in your left nut.”
I expected the backhand to the face. I didn’t expect it to split my lip and bring arise to blood in my mouth. Spitting it out to the side, I faced Dad again, and I fought the urge to recoil at his sizzling anger suffocating me by the throat.
“You’re going to be my guinea pig, you ungrateful cur.” Dad hissed, rising to his feet. “That little marking on your side isn’t looking too good, but it’s developing nicely.”
I looked down to see the angry black bruise with spider legs spreading slowly across my skin, dragging pain across every nerve and cell it walked upon. “Is this one of your fucking tricks?”
“Not a trick, but a test.” Dad let out a menacing laughter. “If it works on you, Nuria and Celeste will follow. I told you, I’ll get my family back one way or another, even if I need to dance around the art of persuasion.”
I groaned, curling inward from the pain. “Y-you won’t turn me against Kiya. I swear it.”
*I’ll kill myself before I ever give Dad the chance to weaponize me against her*.
“I did it once, and I can do it again.” He gripped my chin, angling his red and blue eyes into mine. “No matter how much you try to do good, Neron, your past will forever stain your hands. No amount of love or lust can ever clean them of what you’ve done. If I’m going to boil in the depths of hell, you bet your ass that I’m dragging you with me.”
The thick band of red around his blues glowed like fireworks. “You'll *never* escape me, son. You are my child, and my blood gave you the ability to walk and breathe. Yes, I will punish you for defying me, but it doesn’t mean I won’t strengthen our bond as father and son in the meantime. You. Are. Mine.”
An explosion of pain I’ve never felt before crawled from my side straight to my head.
Onyx’s voice became a mere whisper when the pain became too much.
Two hands gripped my temples and dug their nails into the flesh, pouring more and more of its influence into my head.
I clung onto the sliver of hope I cradled in my palms like an infant child.
My hope in and love for Kiya.