Chapter 53

"Who knocks at this time of the day?" Abdulrahman grumbled, tossing on the bed.

"Just go back to sleep, I'll go check," I smiled sweetly at him while I was feeling mad at the person who was knocking.

Maryam! I yelled in my head because she would be the only one to knock by 3:00 am. She might have been trying my number. I'd switched it off because I didn't want any disturbance. I needed my perfect sleep.

The rain was pouring vigorously, the cool breeze of the rain was entering through the opened window.

"No, you wait here," he groaned, taking his jalabiya. I went out without waiting for him.

Wallahi, I'm going to deal with Maryam today, I thought angrily. I went to the kitchen to take a spatula to hit her head with it.

Maryam, Maryam Maryam! I chanted in my head.

The banging on the door never ceased to stop. I opened the door, "Maryam...." My eyes widened and my mouth shut when I saw it was Yusuf's mother, who was drenched and was shivering in the cold.

"Who is there, S?" Abdulrahman spoke while flashing his flashlight.

"Ma, please come in," I said worriedly while she shook her head.

"No," her voice cracked while her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I'm not coming in," she sneezed, "please just follow me," she pleaded, kneeling on the floor while I crouched to her position immediately.

"Please come inside, the rain..." I urged her, but she didn't move.

"My son, Yusuf, is not himself again. Since the day he returned from your house, he has changed," she sobbed, "he's aggressive, angry, he is not eating, and his drugs, he either does not use them or overdoses. He is killing himself," she proclaimed while crying.

"What I need from you is to follow me, I can't take it anymore," She shook her head vigorously.

I patted her back gently, "Ma, it's 3:00," I gulped.

"Yes, I know," she replied.

I glanced at Abdulrahman for permission while he nodded, "Okay, ma, let me go take my overall," I said, walking inside.

I came back shortly after, "your car ma'am?" I asked her so that we could take it to her place, but her reply shocked me to the core.

"I didn't bring a car," she sniffled, "I trekked down here," she responded.

"What! An hour's distance?" I screamed.

"There's nothing a good mother can't do for the goodness of her child," she replied tiredly before she started coughing hard.

I eased her, how did you get out of the house?" I wondered loudly.

"I snuck out," She laughed softly.

Subhanallah! True, there's nothing like a good mother.

We arrived at Yusuf's place at 4:30 am because of some traffic.

We entered the warmth of the house, she turned on the light and went inside her room whether to change her drenched clothes or to wake Yusuf's father.

"I'm sorry to wake you guys up at midnight, but you can stay in the guest room till the sun rises," She said in between her sneeze.

I didn't sleep. I couldn't get back to sleep because I was a light sleeper. I didn't like someone waking me up because if so, I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.

I prayed and read the Quran. I sought for Allah refuge and forgiveness. I did my morning azkar.

I yawned and stretched my hand. I went to the kitchen for a glass of water when I met Yusuf on the way. The glass fell and shattered on the floor because I was shocked. Yusuf's hair was disheveled and dirty. He had many black bags under his eyes. His light chocolate eyes were dull like a soulless being. He had lost weight. He looked thin and malnourished.

"What happened to you?" I asked him dumbfounded. He eyed me from toe to head before he walked past me. He had stepped on the broken glass and never winced. I shrugged my shoulders, bent to pick up the broken glass before it pierced my tip finger, and I released a painful "ah." He came back to where I stood. He crouched on the floor picking the shattered glass. As he wanted to touch my bloodied fingers, I moved them away quickly. "Go," he spoke with void emotion.

This wasn't the Yusuf I knew. This was another. The pain had changed him into a rude person.

I gulped nervously, "I want to see you," I dragged the word, "can we meet at the terrace...?" he interrupted me.

"I'll meet you there," he turned his back at me while I nodded and clapped my hand embarrassedly.

He never shunned me before, but he shunned me twice!

I waited for him at the terrace for more than thirty minutes. Maybe he stood me up. I thought. Before I heard his voice behind me, "Are you already tired of waiting?" he remarked sarcastically.

I didn't answer him, "how are you?" I asked, smiling tightly.

"Do you want the truth or lie?" as I wanted to reply, he cut me off again.

"I'm shattered, dying, drowning, miserable, fake, useless, misfortune, but all I'm fine. I'm living and alive," he was franked with me.

"Yusuf, I just came today to talk to you. Please do hear me out," I pleaded with my eyes.

"Ok," he grunted in reply.

"Yusuf, what you are doing to yourself is not good. You aren't only hurting yourself, you are hurting others who are close to you like your parents. Even though your father never shows it, he is crying silently. Please don't do this to yourself. Your mother was crying at my doorstep today because of you. Don't let them blame themselves for giving birth to you. You've so many things to do on this earth," I paused a little, "please take care of yourself if not for your sake, do it for your loved ones. Your mother isn't herself, she is dying. She is crying for you. What hurts most is a mother seeing her child dying and unable to save him.

"No one cares," he said.

"Everyone cares. Everyone around you cares about you. You are the one pushing them away. Your mother cares, your father cares, and I care also," he snickered.

"Why do you care?" he said softly, "it is none of your business to care," he yelled at me while I flinched.

"I care," I sobbed.

"If you care, you won't leave me. If you care, you would have waited longer," he screamed.

"If I don't care, I wouldn't be here telling you to save yourself," I shouted at the top of my voice, my body shaking because of the emotions I was feeling.

"No one knows the future, only He Al Alimul-gaybi (knower of what is hidden) knows. Have faith and belief all these that are happening are tested. It will pass soon," I admonished him.

"But what is my essence when the doctor said..." he was crying.

"The doctors only have suggestions, but none of them knows. Only Allah knows one time of death because it has already been written. And sometimes what we thought might not be what will happen and what will happen might not be what we thought. Please eat on time and take your medicine at all times. Pity your parents, and I pray to Allah to answer all your silent whispers, wishes, hopes, dreams, cries, and prayers. May He bless you with the coolness of your eyes. May He provide a spouse till Jannah for you. May He forgives and pardons all our mistakes," I prayed and left him at the terrace.