Chapter 53 Chapter Fifty Three
“I couldn’t sleep,” I said defensively. “Also, why are you interrogating me? You don’t get to…”
“Don’t I?” His voice was barely above a whisper now, but it carried an edge that made my breath catch. “You’re in my house, sleeping in the same bed as my cousin, whom I can’t fucking stand, and you expect me to just…”
“We weren’t in the same bed,” I lied, hoping maybe that would persuade him to drop this. “There were separate sleeping arrangements, and everything was completely appropriate. Besides, this is my place of work, it would be incredibly unprofessional of me to do anything like that here, so you have no right to…”
“Stop.” One of his hands came up to cup my face, his thumb brushing across my cheekbone. “Just… stop. I don’t want to argue with you.”
The gentleness of the gesture was such a contrast, so different from the burning fury in his eyes that I didn’t know what to do or how exactly to react.
This wasn’t platonic. Nothing about the way he was holding me, kissing me, looking at me, was even remotely platonic.
In fact, the more we stood together like this, the more I was getting the feeling he was doing a lot to hold himself back from all the many things he wanted to do to me.
“Jace, what are you…”
“When’s the last time you ate?” he asked abruptly.
I blinked at the change of subject. “What? Why would you…”
“You’ve been here nearly two weeks and not once, not once, have I seen you eat anything other than coffee and the odd bagel.”
His dark eyes searched mine, full of concern “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were intentionally starving yourself.”
The words hit too close to home. My stomach had been in knots for weeks. Food felt impossible, and between the stress, the anxiety, the fear, and self-loathing for how I looked in the mirror, my appetite had just… disappeared.
“I eat,” I said weakly, trying to convince myself as well as him.
“When?”
“Please let go of me, Jace. That’s really none of your business,” I finally broke out of his hold on me and tried to walk away.
“The hell it isn’t.” Before I could process what was happening, he bent slightly and hoisted me up bridal style, his arms under my knees and back.
“Jace! Put me down!”
“No.”
“This is ridiculous, I can walk…”
“I said no.” He carried me across the kitchen like I weighed nothing, setting me down gently in one of the cushioned lounge chairs near the window. “Wait here.”
Then he disappeared into the kitchen.
I sat there, stunned, knowing it was probably a bad idea not to do as he said.
I listened to the sounds of cabinets opening and closing, the sizzle of something hitting a hot pan, and soon the smell of bacon started to fill the air, followed by eggs and toast.
When he emerged a few minutes later, he was carrying two plates loaded with food. Scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, sausages, and buttered toast. He set one in front of me along with a glass of orange juice, then took the seat across from me with his own plate and a protein shake.
“Eat,” he commanded.
“Jace,” I sighed, “I’m really not hungry—”
“I don’t care.” He picked up a piece of bacon and bit into it. “You’re eating anyway.”
I stared at the plate, and my stomach growled traitorously.
“I can hear that,” he said. “So stop pretending and eat.”
Despite myself, despite everything, I picked up the fork.
The eggs were perfectly fluffy, seasoned just right, the bacon was crispy, and the toast was golden brown.
It was delicious.
“You should do this professionally,” I muttered under my breath. If Jason heard me say that, he didn’t comment on it.
I ate mechanically at first, then with growing hunger as my body remembered what food was supposed to feel like and taste like.
Jace ate too, watching me the entire time with an intensity that should have made me uncomfortable but somehow didn’t, nodding with satisfaction.
The silence between us was heavy, loaded with everything we wanted to say, but couldn’t.
When I finished, I stood up to take the plates back to the kitchen, but his hand shot out, holding mine, causing me to stop walking long enough to really look at him.
He pulled me back gently, then leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to my temple. The gesture was so tender, so unexpected, that I froze.
“I need to talk to you,” he said quietly. “About what happened yesterday.”
I pulled my hand free, stepping back. “I’d rather not dwell on it.”
“Lena…”
“The kiss was a mistake, Jace. I know that now.” The words hurt coming out, but they needed to be said. “It was stupid, and I shouldn’t have done it, and it only happened in the heat of the moment.”
“You’re with Allison. Or you should be. You’re better suited for each other anyway. And I don’t want to attract any more negative attention to myself than I already have. She clearly doesn’t like it when I talk to you.”
“I’m not with Allison, I want to be with---”
“It doesn’t matter.” I crossed my arms, hugging myself tightly.“I just want to put it all behind me and pretend it never happened.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Well, I can.” My voice came out sharper than intended. “And if you’re worried about me forgiving you for the pool incident, then consider yourself forgiven. I’ve never been one to hold grudges anyway. I appreciate your attempt at an apology yesterday, even though you didn’t really mean it…”
“But I do mean it.” He stood up, closing the distance I’d tried to create.
He took both my hands in his, and we got so close our foreheads touched, and my eyes closed because that’s how comfortable I was in his arms.
“This is why I needed to talk to you. I wanted to say I’m sorry, Lena. I shouldn’t have hidden like a coward while Allison said those things to you. I should have protected you. I should have…”
“Please leave me alone.” My voice cracked. “I’m trying to move past this, and you keep bringing it up, and I just… I can’t…”
The tears started flowing before I could stop them, hot and fast, blurring my vision.
“Lena—” Jace reached for me, making to wipe them off my cheeks.
“What part of ‘leave her alone’ do you not understand?” Noah cut in, glaring at Jace from the top of the stairs.