Chapter 151 Chapter One Hundred And Fifty One
LENA'S POV
"Tell you about what?"
I was on my knees on the cafeteria floor, scrubbing furiously at a stubborn streak of dried chocolate pudding that had somehow welded itself to the tile like concrete.
My arms ached, my back hurt, and I was pretty sure I had marinara sauce permanently stuck under my fingernails.
Nicole knelt beside me, wiping sweat off her brow with the back of her hand, leaving a smear of something orange, maybe cheese sauce? across her forehead.
She leaned in close, her voice dropping to an urgent whisper. “Tell me what the heck that was back there."
A few feet away, the janitor; Mr. Rodriguez, stood with his hands on his hips, staring at the giant mess that had once been his perfect cafeteria.
His expression was one of pure disbelief, as if he couldn't quite process that human beings were capable of creating this level of chaos.
I felt terrible for him. This wasn't his fault, none of this was his fault. It was mine.
“Back where?” I whispered back tiredly.
"Allison did that to you and you just froze," Nicole continued, violently scrubbing at a patch of mashed potatoes. “Why did you do that? Why didn't you retaliate?"
I sighed heavily, dipping my sponge back into the bucket of soapy water. "Can we not talk about this right now? Please?"
"No." Nicole's voice was firm.
“I'm sorry, Lena. You know I always try to accommodate your little mood swings and you being so damn avoidant all the time, but a little talking won't kill you. We're going to have this discussion right here, right now, or so help me God."
I scrubbed harder, focusing on the pudding stain like it was the most important thing in the world and refusing to look at her. "What do you want me to say? I'm trying my best, I am. But I'm not as strong as you, Nicole."
I'm not brave like you, I can't just stand up and fight back without thinking about the consequences, and I can't risk everything on one moment of courage. Sue me, I thought.
Nicole stopped scrubbing and sat back on her heels, looking at me with a weird expression. "I should have known. Allison was right."
I flinched at her words, surprised that she could ever try to upset me by saying such a thing, “What are you talking about?”
From across the cafeteria, where she'd been assigned to scrub food off the far wall, Allison's voice rang out: "Did one of you bitches just call my name?"
Mr. Reeves, who had apparently returned from supervising the boys suddenly arrived at the door with a clipboard. He spoke calmly without even looking up. "No more backtalk from you, Allison. You're already in enough trouble as it is."
Allison's turned toward him, her voice all of a sudden dripping with honey. "Of course, Mr. Reeves. You're absolutely right. I'm so sorry for my behaviour today. You must think I'm terrible."
She batted her eyelashes. "I really do appreciate you taking the time to supervise us personally. You're so much more patient than most teachers would be, so much more handsome too.”
Madison, who'd been scrubbing beside her in starstruck silence, also magically found her voice. "Oh my God, yes. Mr. Reeves, you're seriously the best. Like, way better than Mrs. McCarthy. No offence to her, but you actually make history interesting.
Allison cut her off with a glare, then turned right back to Mr. Reeves with a million-dollar smile, all the while twirling a lock of her golden hair with one finger.
She said in a soft, sweet voice “I was wondering, can I maybe have your number, just in case I need your help with um… school stuff. I might need a little… personal guidance, if you know what I mean. Just the two of us.”
Mr. Reeves sighed, “That suggestion is inappropriate, Miss. Whatever questions you have you can always ask in class, within school hours. In the meantime, I suggest you get back to work.”
“Whatever you say, sir,” Allison responded, biting her lip suggestively while eyeing Mr. Reeves like he was a piece of meat. “I don’t mind being submissive for you.”
I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt, making a disgusted face. Sure Allison was probably eighteen, but he was a teacher for crying out loud.
Nicole groaned beside me. "Christ almighty. Give me a break."
I stopped scrubbing and turned to face her, still offended by what she’d said earlier. "What do you mean Allison was right?"
Nicole met my gaze steadily. "You're really smart, Lena. I’m sure you can put a few English words together and understand what they mean, can't you?"
She looked straight in my eyes, and fearlessly she said; "Allison was right. And everyone knows it’s true."
I felt irritation prickle under my skin like tiny little annoying needles, and so unable to stop myself, I snapped at her. "Alright fine. If you don't want to get to the point, then can you at least leave me alone and let me think in peace?"
"There!" Nicole pointed at me triumphantly. "There it is! How come you have absolutely none of that fire in you whenever Allison starts up with her shit? Why do you let her walk all over you like that?"
I opened my mouth, then closed it. Because no words came out.
I wanted to say that I was beyond terrified, because it only just dawned on me that she had power I didn’t have and because I had spent the last three years learning that fighting back only ever made it worse.
But I couldn’t find the words.
"Seriously, tell me." Nicole's voice grew softer now, she sounded more confused than angry.
"I have no doubt that you can tell Jace off when he's being annoying. And Noah. And now me. And there's nothing wrong with that, I'm glad you stand up for yourself sometimes. But how come when it's Allison, you just go limp as a wet noodle?"
"I don't know," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I just..."
The words still wouldn't come, no matter how hard I tried to piece them together.
My explanation was stuck somewhere in my throat, tangled up with three years of fear and humiliation and survival instinct. All of which had made me learn the hard way to keep my head down, stay quiet, never ever make waves, the complete opposite of what I was doing now.
Nicole's expression softened when she saw the frustrated tears starting to glisten in my eyes.
She set down her sponge and shifted closer to me, her voice growing even more gentle now.
"When I said Allison was right, I was talking about what she said during lunch. That putting on a few new clothes isn't enough to change you into a whole different person."
She paused. "Even Jake said something like that earlier, though I didn't fully understand it then."
"I'm sorry," I managed, my voice barely above a whisper.
"God, stop apologising!" Nicole grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look at her. "Stop moping around and letting everyone, especially Allison fuck you over all the time. Be confident in yourself and in what you deserve!"
I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood. “You don’t understand what it’s like… How could you?”