Chapter 3 You Don't Have Anywhere Else To Be
April
Sighing, I close the door behind me. I didn’t expect Corran at my door this morning. After he woke me up last night, it took me forever to fall back asleep. It has made me slightly cranky.
“At least he apologised,” The sound of Corbin’s voice causes me to jump. I’ll never get used to him appearing out of nowhere.
“I guess…”
“He is attracted to you. I saw the way he looked at you. You should ask him out.”
“What? No! I am not doing that. He is arrogant and rude. You shouldn’t be encouraging me.” I pout.
Corbin’s thumb brushes against my cheek. I sigh, close my eyes and move into his touch. “Do you think I want you to be alone forever?”
“I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than lose you, Corbin.”
He sighs loudly. “April, you have been through this. You need to open your heart to someone new. I can’t stay here forever, darling.”
I set the coffee and pastries down. “Yes, you can. You don’t have anywhere else to be.” The words fall from my lips in a whimper.
I rush off before he has a chance to say another word. Corbin knows it upsets me when he says things like that to me. I can’t handle it. I refuse to let him leave me again. It would completely break me. I head to the bathroom to the shower, fighting back my tears. Switching it on, I step into it. I rest against the wall, closing my eyes. I don’t even want to think about a world without Corbin in it. The few months before he showed up after his death were the hardest of my life. Worse than the years and years of abuse and neglect when I was growing up. Something both Corbin and I went through at home, until we ran away and got married at sixteen. We haven’t had any contact with our families since. His own parents didn’t even show up at his funeral.
Tears roll down my cheeks at the thought of the past. I didn’t believe life could have gotten any worse than my childhood until Corbin got taken from me. My safe place, my protector and the only one who ever loved me was taken away in the blink of an eye. Yes, he is still here, and I will be forever grateful, but it isn’t the same as having him with me, alive.
“Darling, I am sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It is okay,” I whisper.
“No, it isn’t. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“It is the truth. You can’t stay with me forever, but it is too soon to think about it.”
“I promise I won’t bring it up again. What are your plans for the day?”
The topic of conversation will come up again. It always does, but for now I don’t want to keep thinking about it.
“I am going for some breakfast and then find somewhere to pick some things up for the apartment.”
I need a lot of things, but I'll also need to order some online.
“Would you like some company? I promise to behave and not make you look like a crazy person.” He laughs.
“Only if you want to. You will get bored in no time.”
“Hey, if I get bored, I can just disappear,” he laughs.
Corbin has always hated shopping. He only went with me to keep me happy.
“Then I will happily have your company.”
I need to remember we are out in public. I can’t have a full-blown conversation with him without people thinking I have lost my mind, talking and laughing to myself.
“I will leave you to shower,”
The bathroom becomes silent. I miss showering with him. I miss a lot of things, but I should thank myself lucky. I still have him. Most people don’t get that chance.
I am standing in the home aisle of the store I am in, trying to decide what pillows to get for my new sofa.
“Which colour?” I whisper to Corbin.
“Black,” he answers without hesitation.
I laugh and roll my eyes. I knew he would say that. He has always been obsessed with the colour. I swear, if it were up to him, the house we had together would have all been black.
“I am not getting black! I want some colour.”
Corbin chuckles. “You asked me what colour.”
“Which colour? No black or dark blue.”
Corbin studies the colours. He opens his mouth to answer, but before he can, another voice comes from behind me.
“Who are you talking to, April?”
I freeze and glance over at Corbin with a panicked look. I recognise the voice. Corran! How long has he been there? Has he been there the entire time I was talking with Corbin?
“It will be fine,” Corbin smiles before disappearing. I hate when he does that. One second, he is there, the next he is gone.
Taking a deep breath, I turn to face him. “I wasn’t talking to anyone.”
He looks confused. “You were having what sounded like a one-sided conversation for the last five minutes.”
“I talk to myself sometimes when I am trying to choose certain things. Why are you here? Are you stalking me?”
He seems to show up everywhere. What does he expect me to think? Edinburgh isn’t exactly a small city.
Corran laughs. “No, I am not stalking you. I am here to pick up some things.”
“Cool,” I answer. What sort of pathetic answer is cool?
I smile and turn away from him to go back to what I was doing. I expect him to leave. He doesn’t. His presence comes behind me. Corran is close enough that the warmth of his breath tickles the skin of my neck. My body reacts strangely with a shudder.
“The red ones are nice,” he whispers in my ear before walking away.
I watch after him. What the hell just happened? My body shouldn’t have reacted to him in the way it did! I shake my head, pull it together and focus on my shopping. He is right, the red ones are nice. Groaning, I pick up four of them. I can’t keep running into Corran!