Chapter 17 still alive
When morning came, the light creeping through the curtains was soft, pale, and cold. It brushed against my eyelids until I stirred. My body felt heavy, as if sleep had done nothing to ease the ache buried deep inside me.
For a few seconds, I didn’t remember where I was then the memories returned like a blow to the chest. The Alpha. His words. His eyes.
I sat up sharply, my heart thudding as if he were still standing over me. The silence that followed was deafening.
My skin felt clammy beneath the oversized coat I still wore. The sheets clung to me in places, damp with sweat. The air was cold, but my body was hot and restless. I brushed my hair back from my forehead and realized how sticky it felt against my neck.
A groan escaped my lips. “Great,” I muttered under my breath. My throat was dry, rough from the night’s fear.
The faintest headache pulsed behind my eyes as I swung my legs off the bed. The wooden floor was freezing, shocking me fully awake. I looked around the room. Everything was still in its place, untouched. Even the door stood slightly closed, just as he’d left it.
I pressed my lips together and turned away. My body was sticky with dried sweat, and the feeling crawled over my skin like grime. I needed a bath or at least some water.
It took me a moment to spot the adjoining door at the far end of the room. I pushed it open hesitantly. The small bathroom beyond was surprisingly clean.
Peeling off the coat, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My face was pale, drawn. The faint marks on my neck from his touch still showed , not bruises, but reminders. I ran a thumb over them, trying to scrub the memory away. It refused and instead I turned on the shower.
The first drop that touched my shoulder made me flinch. Then another, sliding down my spine, tracing the curve of my back like liquid fingers. I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes. The water carried away the stickiness, the sweat, the remnants of the night.
For the first time in what felt like forever, I allowed myself to breathe without fear tightening my lungs.
After showering, I walked in the room only to find the clothes that were folded neatly at the edge of the dresser, as if someone had known I’d come looking for them.
The fabric smelled faintly of cedar and something else I couldn’t place. Him, maybe. I tried not to think about that as I slipped them on.
They fit better than I expected, almost too well. The shirt clung to my shoulders and waist as though it had been measured for me. That thought alone sent a shiver down my spine. I didn’t want to believe he’d thought that far ahead, that he’d known what I’d need before I even asked.
Once dressed, I tied my damp hair into a low knot, my fingers trembling slightly from the chill of the air. The water had cooled my skin, but not the unease that still lingered in my stomach.
I sat down on the bed again, the mattress dipping softly beneath me. The silence in the room pressed heavy against my ears. No voices. No footsteps. No sign of life beyond the faint creaks of wood settling in the walls.
I leaned back slowly until I was lying flat on the bed. For a long time, I just lay there, listening to my own breathing.
I should’ve been planning something escape, defiance, anything. But I couldn’t. My mind felt drained, my body hollow. The exhaustion settled deep in my bones, heavier than sleep itself.
"I knew they were all going to fit" ,The sudden voice made me jolt upright, my heart slamming against my ribs. I hadn’t even heard the door creak this time but now Kael's sister was standing just inside the doorway, her hands folded in front of her an
d there was a soft smile on her lips that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
I blinked, trying to steady my breathing. I didn't speak anything as I stared at her.
"You now not ugly, you look hot in those clothes", She said softly but her words instead annoyed me. I sat up straighter, the tension crawling up my spine. “Was that supposed to be a compliment,” I asked slowly, my voice low, “or are you here to mock me?”
She blinked, her smirk fading.
“Mock you?” she echoed, stepping farther into the room. “No. Why would I bother?”
Her calmness only made me bristle more. “Then what do you want from me this time?”
She stopped in the middle of the room, her boots silent against the floorboards. For a moment, she just studied me as if deciding how much truth to give. Then, her lips curved slightly, but not in a friendly way.
“My name’s Lyra, I didn’t tell you my name last time” she said finally.
"So why are you here this time?", I asked rudely.
"I came to see whether you still alive, I heard that my brother took you to the graveyard",
I swallowed hard and looked away, refusing to show how much her words unsettled me. “So you came here to see what all the gossip’s about?”
Lyra’s laugh was short, sharp. “You think I have time for gossip? No. I came because I wanted to come and ask you what you did to me brother and made him break his own rules.”
I looked back at her then, startled. “Break his rules?”
She crossed her arms and tilted her head. “He never brings anyone into his quarters. Not even Rinna, my best friend. And yet…” Her eyes drifted around the room, landing back on me. “Here you are.”
A wave of discomfort rushed through me. I didn’t like the way she said it.
“I didn’t ask to be here,” I muttered.
“I know,” she said, softer this time. “That’s what makes it interesting. By the way I brought the clothes for you. They’re all new. I thought you’d be more comfortable wearing something other than his shirts.”
Her tone was kind, but that word, "his" made bile rise in my throat. “You thought wrong,” I muttered, turning away.
She paused, then let out a soft sigh. “I know you hate him,” she said quietly. “I know what he’s done. I know what it’s like to live under his rules, under this roof. I was treated the same way once.”
That made me turn back to her. “And yet you’re still here,” I said sharply. “Still serving him.”
Her expression faltered. For the first time, I saw the crack in her composure, a flash of pain flickering through her eyes before she forced a smile again. “It’s not as simple as that, Mara. He’s family. Sometimes survival means pretending to be loyal to the person you fear most.”
I scoffed and crossed my arms. “Spare me the excuses. You don’t know anything about what I feel.”
Lyra tilted her head slightly, studying me. “You think I don’t know fear? I’ve seen the things Kael does when he’s angry. I’ve seen the dungeons, the blood, the people who never come back. But I also know he isn’t just… one thing.” She hesitated, then added, “He’s different with the ones he chooses to keep close.”
I felt my stomach twist at that. “Then he’s chosen wrong.”
Silence settled between us. She looked at me for a long moment, her expression okay. I could sense she wanted to say more, to justify him, or maybe to help me understand something I didn’t want to. But I didn’t care. I didn’t want understanding. I wanted freedom not to be killed after everything.
“I don’t need your stories,” I said coldly, my voice shaking only slightly. “Or your sympathy. Or your pity. You can tell your brother he failed again. I’m still here, but he’ll never have me.”
Lyra’s lips parted, but no words came out. For a moment, I thought she might argue, try to convince me that there was something redeemable about him. But instead, she drew in a deep breath and nodded slowly. “You’re angry. You have every right to be. I’ll come back when you’re in a better mood.”
“I won’t be,” I said quietly.
She smiled again sadly, this time and turned to leave. “Maybe not. But I’ll come back anyway.”
When the door closed behind her, I was left alone again with the silence. The walls felt too white, too clean for everything that was going on in my life",
My heart was still pounding, not from fear now, but from exhaustion. I laid down heavily on the bed, staring blankly at the far wall.
My hands trembled slightly as I reached for the blanket. Every part of me felt raw, like my body and mind had been torn apart and stitched back together by hands that didn’t care how much it hurt.
I shook my head hard, trying to drive the thoughts away. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to feel.
My body gave in before my mind did. My eyes fluttered shut, heavy and burning.
If sleep came, I would take it. It was the only escape I had left.
And this time, I didn’t care if I woke up or not.