Kyle took Alison’s wrist and pulled her to her feet. She moved without fighting, but he could tell she was miles away.
There was no reason to yell at her right then, to question why she hadn’t explained everything, why she hadn’t told them the truth about her father.
The haunted look in her eyes said it all. He wrapped an arm around her and escorted her outside, to the private patio. Fresh air would do her good, and she always seemed to relax when she breathed in the scent of the honeysuckles that grew along the lattice fencing.
He sat on the swing, then pulled her into his lap. The fact that she went without complaint said she was as shaken up by the night as they were.
She trembled, so he rubbed his hands along her arms, over her bare side.
Trent came up with a mug. He pressed it into Alison’s hands, cupping them around it. Steam escaped the top, and he lifted the drink to her lips so she could sip.
Chocolate. The scent was unmistakable.
She could probably use the heat and sugar Not that they were ignoring the topic. They’d have a conversation, but her wellbeing mattered most right then.
She drank the hot chocolate slowly, sipping at it while Daniel and Trent pulled up seats.
Her barely clothed body wasn’t something he could fully ignore, and he wished he could do other things to relax her as well. She’d made it clear enough with Daniel that she was not interested until her period ended, which meant he’d have to just grin and bear it with what she inspired in him.
After a good half an hour had drifted by, when she stopped trembling and had finished the hot chocolate—though she still pretended to drink—Daniel was the first to speak. “Did you know it would be him?”
No need to ease into the conversation.
She shook her head, and Kyle didn’t think she was lying. Alison could lie, of course, but she had more tells. Besides, as unsettled as she still was, with how she’d frozen, he doubted she’d expected to see him.
“So go on, pet, explain.” Trent leaned forward, using his gaze to trap her.
She rubbed her hands along the tops of her thighs. “I knew my father was connected to the slavery ring, but I had no idea what it was. I was raised in Texas. Why would I think he’d ever be here? I haven’t seen him in over twenty years. Hell, I didn’t even know if he was still alive.”
“He mentioned your eyes,” Daniel noted, not needing to finish the thought.
She shook her head. “He didn’t recognize me. I think it just reminded him of my mom. I hadn’t become an omega yet when he last saw me. There’s no way he would still recognize my scent, either.”
Trent nodded, coming to the same conclusion. Geoffrey had seemed nostalgic, but not as though he recognized her.
A small miracle.
“You should have told us about your father,” Kyle said, trying to gentle his voice so it didn’t sound like scolding. She didn’t need a lecture.
“I did. I told you my mom was a slave. I told you he bought her. He didn’t exactly bring his work home with him, so I didn’t know how he fit into the group. It wasn’t a part of my life, not the business of it. Of all the ways I thought tonight would go, seeing him wasn’t anywhere on the radar. If it was…”
Trent reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. “If it was?” he prompted.
“I would have told you, I swear. I’m not trying to keep anything from you. I had no idea he would show up.”
Kyle took a deep breath, relieved at her honesty. After so many times when she’d blindsided them, at least they’d reached the same page on this issue. “Does this change anything, sugar? You know him, or at least knew him. Does him being here change anything we should know?”
She took her lip between her teeth, worrying it as though really thinking about what he’d asked. Finally, she shook her head. “No. He’s a businessman at his core. He wasn’t just spouting bullshit tonight—that’s what he really believes. He honestly thinks you all are doing the lord’s work, that you’re putting things right for society. Really, knowing it’s him, I don’t think there’s a chance that he wouldn’t let you into the auction. You’re exactly the sort of person he would want to make a deal with.”
Kyle pulled her against him, wrapping his arms around her. Her bare skin was warm and soft, and he allowed himself to enjoy it. “Good. You doing okay?”
She didn’t answer right away, and that pleased him. He’d rather she took a minute and really think about it instead of offering up the quick answer of ‘I’m fine.’ At least if she really considered the question, she might be honest.
She snuggled back against him. “I don’t know. I never thought I’d see him again, and certainly not when kneeling at an alpha’s feet like he always wanted. Sad thing that it might be the only time in my life he would have actually been proud of me.” Her words came out bitter, but he got it.
“Is that why you’ve resisted this?” Trent asked.
She gestured down at herself, at how she sat in Kyle’s lap. “This doesn’t seem like resisting.”
Trent offered a half smile. “You do. Even when it’s something you like, something you want, you can’t give in fully.” He didn’t ask why—didn’t need to.
She shifted as if the conversation made her want to move, but Kyle kept his arm tight around her. “Sometimes I feel like when I give in, I’ve become what he always wanted me to be. It feels like, why did I escape? Why did I work so hard to be on my own if I was going to end up some brainless omega who relying on an alpha anyway? Why did I fight the way I did, suffer all I have, if I was going to end up here anyway? Giving in feels like betraying all that, like betraying my mom and every omega I’ve seen forced into servitude.”
Kyle nodded, pressing a kiss to her head. The words didn’t surprise him, though she voiced them more clearly than he’d expected her to. He let Trent speak, since he was going to do it far better.
“Wanting something is different from being forced.”
“Is it? Even if the actual thing is the same?”
“Sex isn’t rape. You know that. Consent, that’s the difference. It’s everything. Just because you’ve seen what rape does to a person, the horror of it, that doesn’t mean you turn celibate.”
She frowned, as if the idea had some merit but she wasn’t quite willing to accept it.
Then again, it was a hard pill to swallow. Even if they were different, it was far too easy to see them as the same. Hadn’t Trent struggled with the same thing? Hadn’t they all at one time or another? After watching what happened to omegas far too often, after seeing how they struggled, it wasn’t so easy to take any joy out of making one submit, even if they did it happily.
Still, that wasn’t the sort of thing they’d work out, not right then. It would take a very long time for her to get comfortable with it, but the more he was with her, the more he got to hold her like this, that he got to see the sides of her she showed to no one else, the more he knew he wanted that very long time.
Assuming he could convince her of that.
* * * *
The water from the pool licked at Alison’s sides as she swam her laps, lost in the familiar and repetitive motions. It had become part of her routine, to rise when Kyle did, to have coffee with him, then to swim.
A clearing throat made her stop, and sure enough, crouched by the side of the pool was Trent. He didn’t smile, but she’d come to find that tiny crease that appeared in his cheek was his version of it, though it didn’t do much to soften his features.
He crooked his finger, and while weeks before she’d have balked at such a blatant demand, she found herself wading to him without a second thought.
Trent’s lips against hers could wipe away any of Alison’s good intentions. She’d always thought of herself as a strong woman, as someone who could resist anything.
Leave it to the alpha to teach me how wrong I was.
He leaned forward at a precarious angle and gave her one hell of a kiss. When he pulled back, she tried to follow like a mermaid he was luring to dry land.
Isn’t that supposed to go the other way?
If there was anything she’d learned with the alphas, it was that either she was all wrong about the alpha-omega interaction or she was just exceedingly easy. She’d always thought the omegas lured in predatory alphas, that the female was the trap.
Instead, she’d found herself drawn to them. They could do nothing, just sit there, and everything inside her would crave just a little affection. She’d want to crawl into their laps, even as they watched television, and curl against their chests.
Worse? They’d allow it.
And here she was again, her plan destroyed, and all because of one crooked finger. Yet, even as she scolded herself, she kissed him. She wanted him. Four days without sex, of resisting them, of passing off all the horrible symptoms she’d started to have as nothing but her period. They were sweet, ensuring she had anything she needed, that she took it easy, that she didn’t overdo anything. Even at night, when she curled against them, they didn’t go past the limit she’d set.
And all of that only served to make her feel worse. It was so much easier to resist them when she thought of them as nothing but pushy, overbearing, asshole alphas. When they acted like this, when they treated her as though she mattered, it unsettled her.
Trent broke the kiss, a groan on his lips as though he wanted nothing more than to take her around the waist and pull her from the water to fuck her right there.
He’d do it, too. Another truth they’d proven was that modesty mattered little to them. They had no hesitation about starting anything with her anywhere, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.
And worse? She’d grown to feel that way, too. The shame she’d had at first if she kissed Trent and Kyle walked in, if she were in Kyle’s lap when Daniel took a seat beside them, had disappeared. All the times she’d grown up hearing that only whores took more than one alpha, when the idea of doing such a thing was a foreign idea, couldn’t keep a foothold when the alphas looked at her as they did, with such affection.
Trent sat, his legs crossed in front of him. “How are you feeling today, pet?”
She floated backward, wading in the deep water. “Good.”
“Did you sleep better?”
She nodded, though compulsion forced her to add, “I’m still not feeling great once I wake up.”
“I had some tea delivered. It’s supposed to help. I want you to try that instead of coffee.”
She opened her mouth to argue—coffee was a staple of life, after all—but his lifted eyebrow silenced her.
Except, as usual, he relented, especially once she’d given in. “Tea first. Wait an hour, see if it helps, then you can have coffee with some food.”
Alison studied his handsome face—well, she found it handsome, but she wasn’t sure if others would. He was frightening, larger than most men, covered in muscle, and the sharp lines of his face gave him a dangerous edge. “Thank you,” she said, an honesty behind the words she hadn’t meant. It just slipped out, as if she meant it for so much more than just the coffee.
It was about everything. It was about their entire time together.
As they neared the end, as Alison had accepted that she would lose those things, she was still grateful she’d experienced them.
Losing them would hurt, sure. She had no doubt that aching hole in her chest would never fully heal, as if they’d reached in and torn a chunk out, when she finally walked away.
Still… she couldn’t regret it. Each time she tried to tell herself she wished she’d never said yes to this, she knew it was a blatant lie.
“You know,” he said slowly, as if unsure. “I was thinking, after this is over, maybe you’ll want to come check out my gym. I know you like the one you’re at, but I think you’d find there were some perks with mine.” He offered a smile that was more nerves than confidence. “Like me?”
Alison’s smile fell away, a chill running through her. She shook her head. “I can’t.”
“Why not? I know you told Kyle the same thing, that this is over as soon as the case is. Why does it have to be?”
“Because I don’t want mates.”
“You’ve got them. Whether or not you want us, whether or not you choose to walk away, it doesn’t change the fact we are your mates.”
The words threw off her treading water, and she sank just a bit.
No. She denied it with everything she had, shaking her head as she went toward the ladder to the left of where Trent sat. That couldn’t be right.
They had some sort of…affection between them? There was something, but she chalked it up to great sex and close contact.
That wasn’t mates.
“You’re wrong,” she bit out as she grasped the ladder to climb out. “I’m not the sort of girl to go bonding with alphas, and even if I were, I told you from the start this was just temporary.”
“What you tell yourself and the truth aren’t always the same thing. You might not have a lot of experience with mates, but I promise you, that’s exactly what we are. Do you really think I can’t see the way you look at us? The way you edge toward us in any room? The way you lean against us and touch us as if you can’t help it?”
She snatched her towel from the back of a lounge chair, patting herself dry with rough, fast motions. “That’s just stupid hormones. That’s playing a part.”
“It might have started as a make-believe, but it hasn’t been that for a long time. Are you really willing to throw it away? For nothing?”
“I’m not throwing anything away. I’m being clear that I don’t have room for this in my life, even if it were real.”
“Why not? Are you that happy living alone, with no friends?”
“Yes, I am!” Even she felt the lie as it escaped her throat.
She thought back to the pool party, to the way she’d wanted so badly to be like the rest of them, to be part of the world instead of just some protector of it. No matter how dangerous that might have been, she’d craved it with everything inside her.
“If you were, you wouldn’t wrap those arms around me quite so tight when you get into my bed, pet. I wouldn’t feel those nails in my skin while you sleep, like you’re terrified of me leaving. You know? I got up one night to get a glass of water, and when I came back, when I looked down at you while you were sleeping, your eyebrows were drawn together. You reached across the bed, searching, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you quite so upset as when you found nothing.”
“You really think I should base my future on what I did while I was asleep?” She tried to keep her voice as incredulous as possible, to make it sound as absurd as it really was.
“Why not? At least when you’re asleep, you stop sabotaging yourself, you stop giving up things you want just because you think you shouldn’t want it.”
“Can’t want it. There’s a difference.”
“And why can’t you? What is so different about you that makes it so you’re the only person in this whole world who can’t take that risk? In case you didn’t realize it, it’s a risk to everyone who gets involved with anyone. You could walk out and break our fucking hearts, and yet here we are, trying to convince you to stay.”
Break our hearts. Alison ignored the statement, the one that meant far more than it should have.
“Because I’ve seen what happens, because I was fucked up from the start. I didn’t grow up seeing this shit work out, seeing happy families with loving parents. I grew up with a father who saw my mother and me as property, and I know what it did to us. What the hell do I have to offer to mates?” She pulled the towel tighter around her, a horrible empty feeling inside her taking hold as she said the truth. Each word seemed to take another piece from her, like they all hollowed her out. “Some people are ruined, Trent, and you can’t fix that. I’ve seen omegas who hit that point, who just breathe until they die. They can’t get past things—they can’t move on. They’ve been turned into whatever they are, and there’s no coming back. That’s me. Others, they had something to build on. Even Kara, for all she suffered, for all her crazy faults, she had a connection with her brother. I didn’t have anything. Until you three, I didn’t have a single thing in my life to keep me here. I could have fallen asleep and never woken up and no one would have known, and that was exactly the way I wanted it. You can’t change that—no one can.”
He tilted his head, gaze steady, standing against all her bluster and anger and hurt. “If you think you don’t have any connections, you’re not paying attention. Those omegas you helped, and in turn their alphas, they’re all family, even if you don’t want it. Family isn’t always something you choose, but it’s something that happens and that doesn’t let go even when you want it to. You aren’t nearly as broken or alone as you think you are.”
She wanted to cry. Why? She wasn’t sure. The words sounded so good, like she wasn’t the pitiful thing she’d always assumed, but she knew better. When she watched the omegas talk amongst themselves, when she watched them smile and at ease, it was obvious.
She wasn’t part of that, and no amount of pretending otherwise would change it.
Heavy steps stopped their argument, a voice speaking only one side of a conversation.
Daniel rushed in, phone to his ear. “Yes, I understand. Here she is.”
He held the phone out to Alison.
She took it, pressed it to her ear and answered.
A male’s voice responded, and it took her a moment to identify it. Marshall, Tiffany’s mate. “I need you to come to the hospital, Alison.”
Her knees weakened, as she let herself drop to the chair.
Wait, no, Daniel eased her into it, as if he’d known she’d needed the help.
“What happened to Tiffany?”
A pause, then a rushed, “No, no. Tiffany is fine.”
Those words let her pull in a rough breath, and a hand against her nape pressed her forward so she could breathe slower.
The fright meant she took a moment to catch up to what Marshall said, to make sense of his words.
Eventually, however, they all came together.
“The friend of yours who went missing, Anne? She’s here.”
And if she’d felt nauseated before, it was nothing compared to right then. “What happened?”
“Why don’t we discuss it when you get here.” He paused, the bustle of a busy hospital behind him on the line. His next words were weighted, and she sucked in a breath at them. “Alison, you really need to hurry…”
* * * *
Daniel held Alison’s hand, whether she damned well wanted him to or not. The more upset the girl got, the more she tried to pull away. It was natural for her, the desire to stand on her own.
He’d gotten to understand it more as they’d spent more time together, had realized the reason.
She worried that if she leaned on anything, when it disappeared—and she was sure it would disappear—she feared she’d be unable to stand on her own anymore. Instead of risking that, she’d rather never let anything close.
Too fucking bad.
She ricocheted between being shocked and angry as they drove to the hospital. They’d done all they could to ensure that no one followed them and intended to gather new paperwork to explain the hospital visit should they need to. It was easy after her heat, to blame the visit on fertility tests best done at the start of a new cycle.
Still, Daniel rubbed his thumb over her hand as they walked through the hospital.
He’d gotten a few extra details on their drive over about what had happened, though they knew little. Anne’s crumpled body had been found dumped behind a convenience store, barely alive.
It was still touch and go on if she’d make it.
She hadn’t woken, though the clerk said she’d been conscious for a short time before the EMTs had arrived. Instead, it was Marshall who’d recognized her, who’d known to call Alison.
Please let us make it in time. If they didn’t…
He doubted Alison would ever forgive herself. She protected those around her with a ferocity that was terrifying for anyone standing in front of her, and already he worried what she might do because of this.
They had a plan, needed to wait. The auction was to happen the next day, but he wouldn’t put it past Alison to throw that away and go in guns blazing herself the moment she discovered the location.
Which would be a monumentally bad idea. Not only did the FBI have a plan in place, one that had taken a very large amount of manpower to set up, but the last thing Alison needed was to be anywhere near that place.
The risk was always that some of the people could get away. Did they want to risk her being caught up in that?
The elevator doors opened on the floor where Anne was. Marshall was already waiting down the hall, his face stoic.
Which was a very bad sign.
Alison broke into a jog, pulling away from Daniel’s grasp.
The doctor’s flat expression said everything. He shook his head, his words quiet and just for her.
She didn’t crumble, didn’t tremble, didn’t cry. Instead, she nodded as she listened.
Daniel neared them, catching some of it. Did what we could. We’re so sorry.
Still, she didn’t break down.
She didn’t even flinch when Kyle set a hand on her shoulder, as though she couldn’t feel it.
The emptiness in her eyes was terrifying, reminding him far too much of her father’s eyes.
She’d just lost the reason she’d done so much, and for the first time ever, Daniel really did worry she might be broken beyond repair.
Alison stared at Anne’s unmoving body. It was hard to recognize her, honestly. If she’d shown up unconscious, or dead, Alison wasn’t sure she’d have been able to identify her.
Her bright blue eyes were swollen shut, and her lips—usually pulled into a smile—were pale and split.
She’d lost weight over the past months that she’d been gone, and her skin had lost the pretty glow it usually had, since she’d always been a sun lover.
She’d gone from being a bright, sweet girl to being a corpse, and after all Alison’s promises to keep her safe, she’d failed.
Someone placed a hand on her back, but Alison ignored it. Suddenly all her stupid internal nonsense didn’t seem like it mattered, not compared to this.
“I’m sorry, pet,” Trent told her.
Alison shook her head, swallowing hard. She almost wished she could cry, that she could show the sort of sorrow Anne deserved. “I should have done more. Maybe if I’d been faster, better, I could have found her before they did this to her.”
“You can’t put this on yourself,” Daniel said. “I’ve worked enough cases to know that. This? The people who took her did it, and we’ll nail them to the wall for it, but you can’t blame yourself for it.”
“Why not?” She stared down at the girl, who’d been too young and too sweet for the things that had happened to her. “You know how I met her? She got my number from Claire, and when she called, I expected to have to break some alpha’s nose. Instead, she called me hysterical because she was hiding outside someone’s house. It turned out she’d watched some drunk asshole kick his dog, repeatedly, and wanted to rescue the dog, but she had no idea how to get past the locked gate.”
Alison thought back to how worried she’d been on the phone, but how sure she’d been when Alison had arrived. No matter the danger, that girl was going to rescue the dog. She’d been optimistic and ready to take on anything. It had been a strange combination that Alison hadn’t known quite how to deal with, being around someone who could honestly believe the world was a good place no matter what she saw, who could rush into a situation even though she knew the risks and knew she didn’t have the skills for it.
“What happened?” Kyle prompted her.
“I went and we got the dog—and I made sure the owner understood the error of his ways with a few well-placed kicks of my own. She took the dog in, the largest, ugliest dog you have ever seen. It would have torn off the face of anyone who looked at her wrong, but it was entirely devoted to her.” She sighed as she thought about how she’d placed the dog with another omega after Anne had disappeared, about how she’d have to tell that omega Anne wouldn’t be coming back, that the dog was now hers.
Another part of my failure.
“You did everything you could.” Kyle set his hand on her nape, rubbing along the collar. That usually relaxed her, but right then? Right then she couldn’t think of anything except all the ways she could have done things differently.
Instead of waiting around and playing house with the alphas, she could have been working. She could have been off her ass and doing something.
Anne would have done more for her, but Alison? She’d failed.
Her stomach gave up the good fight of keeping anything down. It made her curse the pregnancy again, because now instead of focusing on Anne, she was again thinking about herself.
She gagged, and Kyle tugged her toward the door. Across the hallway sat a restroom with a woman’s sign on it, and she bolted away from the alphas.
After hunching over the toilet, thankful to be alone for a minute, even if it did mean she’d vomited up what little she’d eaten, she flushed and stood.
Everything inside her had gone numb, heavy, as if she was dragging around a body that was nothing more than a collection of useless appendages she couldn’t even feel.
She splashed water on her face, hoping the cold would shock her system, would help her wake up and get on with it.
That was what she was supposed to do, right? No time to mourn. Mourning was for better people, for friends and family. The most she could offer was revenge.
She stared at herself in the mirror, frustrated by the lack of tears, by her reflection, by everything. No matter how hard she tried, she was always falling short. Always failing when it really mattered. So many years of training, and for what?
She still couldn’t even protect one little omega.
The temptation to smash the mirror to pieces hit her, and she curled her hand into a fist. She wanted to shatter her reflection, to break something, as if that might snap the impotent anger inside her.
Instead, a face appeared behind her, the man having moved so quietly she hadn’t noticed him at all. Galen.
Before she could react, he wrapped an arm around her and pressed a cloth over her mouth.
She clawed and tried to scream, but it was muffled under the running sink water, and each gulp of air she drew in was tinged with something sharp and chemical.
Everything blurred, and her body turned even heavier until she sagged against his grip.
She turned her gaze toward the door, toward where she knew her alphas were waiting, but she couldn’t even call out for them. Eventually, even holding her eyes open became too difficult, and darkness overcame her.