Chapter 6: Chapter Six

The next morning, I was so drowsy, I had spent the night before getting pissed and out of my head on cigarettes. Mr Dubens had fucking rejected me, and I hated him for it. Was I really that repulsive? Did he really not want me. I stared back at myself in the mirror as I got changed, doing my tie up and hooking my hoodie over my shoulders. I zipped it up to the neck and pulled the hoodie over my head. I turned my iPhone on and plugged my earphones in.

There was no way I was listening to his shitty English lesson after what he did yesterday. He didn't understand, no one did, but at the same time it was as if I needed him. I yearned for him. It was a need, something I couldn't control. I had eve. Dreamt about him last night as I drifted off after drinking four cans of beers. Miss Holloway had already warned me that one day I was going to be either drugging or drinking myself to death it I carried on the way I was. However, I didn't give a shit. I wanted to die. I hated this world! This crap, shitty world!

I was filled with nothing but fucking anger! All the time, it was constant I just wanted to punch a wall, just to get it out of my system. Other times I wanted nothing but affection and feel sexual pleasure and sensation. I couldn't get that unusual pleasurable feeling though, unless I was around Mr Dubens. I had become accustomed to the scent of him and his present. I guess I had got to use to him.

I left my home and went straight to school as I did every normal morning, my hood up and my earphones blaring through my ears.

-Bury the castle...bury the castle...

Go get your shuffle....and we'll dig a deep whole!

Bury the cast.... bury the castle..- Paramore.

I walked into school and passed the English corridors, to my surprise Mr Dubens classroom was closed but the light was left on, so it was obviously unlocked. I peered in and saw him sitting at his desk, marking papers. I watched him for a bit and studied his beautiful features, God he was irresistible. Suddenly, I glanced up to the door and he caught me looking in, our eyes met, and I instantly panicked. I stepped back and walked down the corridor, abandoning the classroom door.

As I continued to walk down the corridor, I heard my name being called. "Alice! Alice!" Mr Dubens was calling after me. I ignored him and turned the volume up on my iPhone so I couldn't hear anything at all! I was completely deaf to the entire world. As I reached out to pull the exit door open leading outside, his hand gripped my wrist and pulled me back. I collided with his chest. I turned around and pulled my hood turned over my head as I looked up at him. He was saying something but of course, I couldn't hear him because my music was full blare.

Then slowly he reached out and gently pulled my earphones out of my ears, "Better?" He asked with a annoying smirk plastered across his face. I snatched the earphones away from him and tucked the both into my hoodie pocket. "What the fuck, sir?" I asked oblivious to his presence, "What the fuck do you want?"

"I wanted to apologise." He spoke sadly.

"I don't want your fucking apology." I snapped, turning away.

"Did you want something?" He asked as I began to walk away. "What?"

"You were standing by my door; did you want something?"

"No. Leave me alone." I shot him a dirty look.

I left then and carried on with my school day as usual.

For lunch I went into the canteen and hung out with Natasha, we chatted a lot. She asked me about yesterday about how I was acting really weird in class. "What did you do for Mr Dubens to keep you behind?" She asked. I shrugged, "I haven't been doing any work in class."

"Like that's a surprise." Natasha spoke, leaning back as she stuffed a bit of her sandwich in her mouth. I breathed and looked down at my knotted fingers.

"I was thinking we could go out again tonight, maybe." I heard Natasha suggest.

"I think I'll just stay home tonight."

"Suite yourself." Natasha spoke through a full mouth. "I heard you and Dylan had an argument." She added once she swallowed another bit of her sandwich. I rolled my eyes and sighed, a usual habit of mine. "What did he say?"

"Just that you're a cold-hearted bitch."

A tear slipped my eye, but Natasha didn't seem to notice. I quickly wiped it away before she looked at me. "I wouldn't take any notice. It's Dylan for Ya."

I nodded. When I wasn't saying anything, she leaned forward and whispered, "What exactly happened between you two?"

"Nothing."

"You can tell me, I'm your best mate." She smiled and that's when my blood began to boil, "Really? Are you really?" She nodded and that's when I lost it. None of those arseholes are my mates, how can they be? They've done nothing for me and done nothing but treat me like a pile of shit. "Fuck you!" I yelled as I walked out of the canteen, kicking my chair over in the process.

I hid round the back of the science block and took a drag of my cigarette. God, heaven. For a moment I immediately felt like I was at peace. I gazed up the sky, pressing my back hard against the brick wall. The clouds moved in a slow dance around one another, showing little amounts of the blue sky. I inhaled my cigarette in as deeply as I could, trying to stay within sweet ecstasy of the high it gave me.

I groaned as I banged the back of my head against the brick wall. I didn't care how much I hurt myself at times, I wanted to feel pain. I took another inhale of my cig before dropping it and stomping on it to put it out. I remained stood there in silence until the bell finally rang. Shit, I've got English with Mr Dubens. All at the same time I felt embarrassed as well as not caring at all.

I begin to make my way slowly to English as Natasha and Dylan walked past me, giving me sad looks as if I was a bully or something! Like they would know how that would even feel like. I had been bullied all my life. They didn't know jackshit about how I fucking felt. They didn't understand, no one did. I was in this world and in it alone. At least I was brave enough to fucking except that!

I entered the classroom as usual Mr Dubens sat at his desk and watched everyone pile in. Once I entered, his eyes met mine, but I looked away. I slowly walked past him and sat at my desk, yanking my hood up over my head as per usual. He dragged his eyes away from me and watched everyone else pile in as they did. Soon enough the bell went for the beginning of lesson time. God, I can't wait till this day is over, I'm so fed up.

"Ok, guys. This is going to be your last lesson on writing your practise poems. When the bell goes at five last three, please hand them into me on your way out. I'll be marking them tonight and tomorrow morning." I sighed loudly and kicked my legs up on top of my desk on purpose. He obviously heard me because he quickly glanced over at me.

"Alice, would you mind sitting properly?"

"Yes, very much, Sir." I yawned and crossed my arms over my chest.

With that, he shot me a cold look and carried on teaching. He clearly wasn't capable of controlling me. He was so fucking frustrating, I was doing it on purpose so he would send me out, but he never did. I guess, he knew the games I was playing and refused to be fooled by them. He obviously wasn't going to give up without a fight.

"Ok, everyone. You can continue writing your poems from where you left off."

He made his way back over to his desk. He didn't once look at me, he just began typing something up on his laptop. I leaned forward and leaned my chin on my hand as I watched him. I just sat there, studying his feature, his perfectly lined jaw and those all so dark seductive eyes that done wonders to my thumping heart. He glanced towards me and caught me practically staring at him. I however, didn't back down. I kept my eyes directly on him.

"I suggest you write something, Alice." He murmured as he looked back to his laptop screen, continuing to type. I hummed as I tapped my forehead in thought. "Dunno what to write." I moaned. Mr Dubens looked back over to me and pushed away from his desk. He stood up and walked round to my desk. I pulled back and he pulled the chair out next to me and sat down beside me.

"I'll help you." He spoke kindly as he took my lined paper into his hands and thought for a moment. "Firstly, you could start by writing your name and the date." He smirked. God, this sexy smirk. It was so annoying!

I did as he said and took the lined paper out of his hand, writing my name and the date neatly in the top corner. I pulled back and leaned my head on my hand. "Ok, so you said the other day that you wanted your theme to be on love." He started off for me. "So, what comes to your mind when you think of the word 'love'?"

I shrugged helplessly, "Hearts."

He nodded, "What else?" I sighed and thought for a moment, "Two people kissing."

"Good. What is your opinion on love?"

"Shit."

"Why do you think that?" He pushed further. "Because every relationship is fake, and the man only wants the woman for sex. So, in theory, it's not really love." I shrugged again and leaned back onto my chair.

"You could write that if you wanted to, you don't have to pretend. Just write down what you feel." He smiled at me. I didn't respond so he spoke again, "Start it off by how you think of hearts. What do hearts look like to you?"

"Red, pure red. I think of rose petals as well, falling from the sky like rain." Then, I realised I had trailed off a bit. I felt so stupid and dumb for saying it. Mr Dubens looked at me in amazement. "Brilliant. Wow, that's beautiful. Now, all you have to do is put that onto paper and you've made a start."

I did exactly that. Once I was finished going into deep detail about the scenario of red hearts and red rose petals falling from the sky like rain, Mr Dubens then helped me go in detail about my feelings and opinions on love. I told him how love should feel if you're really in love with someone. "How do you feel about love?" He asked with an intense look in his eyes. "I feel that there should be a buzz, a feeling. When you love someone, you feel it in your guts. You just know, I guess."

Something in his eyes changed then and his smile dropped. His eyes looked longing and sad, his expression blank. He seemed to be searching my face for a sign, but he obviously didn't find anything. Soon enough, he turned around and announced that everyone had five minutes left before the bell was due to go.

"Ok, class! Pens down!" With that, the bell rang, and everyone picked their stuff up and left, dropping their poems on Mr Dubens' desk on their way out. However, I stayed where I was and Mr Dubens stood up, walking back over to his desk with a sad look on his face. I instantly felt the loss of his presence and my body went cold. I sighed in sadness and slowly stood up, taking my sheet over paper and laying it at the top of the pile on his desk.

"Well done today, Alice." Mr Dubens smiled. I sucked in a breath and stepped closer to his desk, "Mr Dubens."

His dark brown eyes looked straight at me as I leaned against his desk. He studied me carefully and half smiled, "Yes, Miss Copper?" I looked at him, really looked at him. Suddenly my hand worked at its own accord. Without thought I reached out gripped his tie and pulled him to me. I smashed my lips against his. Woah.

I leaned against his desk as I pulled him tighter to me, our bodies pressed firmly against one another. I tugged on his tie and twisted it round my wrist as I began kissing him roughly. His mouth moved against mine slowly, the sensation of his lips was unbearable. I couldn't control myself. I moaned into his mouth as my other hand hooked round the back of his neck, clinging him to me. I sat up on his desk and opened my legs so he could stand between them. I let go of his tie and grabbed his hand, placing them on my thighs. "Touch me." I whispered against his lips.

He began rubbing my thighs slowly and soothingly as he continued to kiss me deeply. He was so careful with me and it really fucking frustrated me. I moaned into his mouth, gripping hard onto his tie. I felt his lips lower to my ear and I felt my hoodie be pulled down. Before I could protest Mr Dubens was already pulling the zip down. I pulled away and looked down at what he was doing. He reached to my shoulders and slowly eased my hoodie over and off of me.

That's when he saw them, the scars.

"What is that?" He looked down at my arms and I quickly placed my hand over it.

"Nothing. It's nothing, just kiss me." With that I hooked my arms around his neck and brought his lips back down to me. "No, Alice. No." He pushed me away and took my arms into both his hands, starring carefully down at them, observing the scars and bruises.

"What is this?" He asked, running his thumb slowly down my arm. I winced and struggled away from his touch. "No!" I whimpered as he looked into my eyes for some sort of answer. "I-it's n-n-nothing." I stuttered, shaking my head. With that I grabbed my hoodie and zipped it back up, covering my arms fully. "Don't ever fucking do that again!" I yelled as I jumped off of his desk and ran for the door, slamming it shut behind me.

Slamming his classroom door and recently became a routine lately. It was like his classroom door was an aggression ball to me. Instead of squeezing it was slamming. I glanced back for a moment, and Mr Dubens stood there by his desk, as he combed his hand through his hair. He seemed stressed and it was all my fault, but he shouldn't have pushed his luck.

I ran home crying. When I got home and just cried myself to sleep. God, I was a mess and I had done something to sort myself out.