Chapter 13: Chapter Thirteen

Later that day at break, I spent my time sitting at an isolated bench, away from all the crowds. I wasn't the type of girl who would sit there and read a book, no. Instead, I sat there with my back slumped and my forehead pressed down against the wood of the table. Every breath was a second taken away from my life. I just sat there, still as a ghost. I had to clean up with something. I was about to lose my home and there was nothing I could do about it! Just wait! Just wait until it's all gone and taken away from me.

My breathing steadied; my lungs felt like they were slowly evaporating. I didn't know what I was meant to do. My brown hair flowed across my face, flying in my eyes as a gust of wind began to pass. It was quite sunny today but still extremely windy. Everyone was still getting over the worse of the winter as summer began to creep back in. I couldn't wait for summer, then that would mean I could be a homeless person who could sunbathe. It did t seem like much of a bad idea.

At least I could comfort myself with my own thoughts. Although, it was only now I realised I had let my thoughts travel away with me and for a split second it was like I was never here. I had to stop drifting in and out of trances like that, it was getting the better of me each day and it was as if I couldn't control it. Mind you, it was better than living in the real world and paying attention to arseholes who you call friends.

The day went by incredibly slowly and I wasn't sure if that was just me or the fact the time scale just took so long to work its way around the clock. I finished my third lesson after break, which was science and then I made my way over to the I.T block for my I.T lesson. I wasn't a huge fan of I.T to be honest. When Mr Hansel past us our class outer sheets to work from I always discarded it to the side and pressed my forehead down onto the computer keyboard. I actually fell asleep that lesson.

Unfortunately, Mr Hansel caught me and sent me outside. Like many actually gave a shit where he sent me. "Get out of my class, Alice. If you’re not going to pay attention, I suggest you get out."

"What do you mean get out? I don't even want to fucking be in here!" I yelled in irritation as I pulled away from my computer and walked out, kicking my chair backwards as I walked towards the door. Mr Hansel always managed to piss me off. He was one of those middle-aged teachers who thought they were the boss of you and knew you very well. He knew fuck all! At times I wondered if he even knew anything about computers, because half the time he didn't seem like he knew how to turn one on.

Nothing much happened after that, I just spent the rest of the lesson outside the classroom, repeatedly kicking the wall.

Next was lunch which flew by quickly and I avoided Natasha and Dylan throughout the whole of Mr as they sat down together in the contact, eating and talking with their mouths fall as they snuck occasionally glances towards me. They were obviously talking about me, saying a loud of horrible stuff that probably wasn't even true but half of the time I wondered if they even understood me. I mean, they didn't seem like friends to me. Even when I was friends with them, then done nothing but gossiped about me and that was the one thing I hated the most. People always talking about me. I hated it! It just seemed so cruel! How could you treat someone like that, who you call a friend?

Lunch steered to an end and i pulled out my contact book only to discover I had English last. Great. I have to face Mr Dubens. How was I going to Cole having English last? My day had torn into ruins and now I had to look Mr Dubens in the eye and fake a fucking smile. Although, I had guessed he probably would know if it was fake one or not. He seems to have got to know me so well past the few days.

The ball rang for the start of English and I walked in calmly. Mr Dubens sat at his desk and watched everyone take their seats one by one. Once I entered his eyes raised and watched me make my way over to my desk opposite him. I didn't make eye contact with him at all. It took everyone a while to settle down and shut up as they neared the end of all their conversations about small arguments which had gone on during lunch.

"Ok, guys! Settle down! Quiet now." Mr Dubens spoke firmly, raising his voice. Everyone sit up and all the girls stared at him in awe, waiting for him to start our topic for today.

"We're continuing with our poetry topic today, so I have ordered you all some poetry books from then school library..." He announced as he picked a hand full of poetry study books. "You can take these books home if you wish but they are not to be written or drawn in. You can look up the poems in them and they will help you with you studies but if you feel the need to jot notes down, do it in a separate piece of paper and slide it into the book." He explained as he walked swiftly around the classroom, handing each one of us a book.

Mr Dubens walked around the classroom and he placed one of each of our desks and finishing with mine at the end. He reached my desk lastly and placed the last one next to my hand which laid motionlessly upon my desk. I glanced up at him and his eyes were on me. I smiled up at him and he smiled straight back, his eyes however held curiosity and I didn't like the look of it. Somehow the curiosity in his eyes unsettle me and made me wonder what he could have been thinking. Nevertheless, I looked back down at the poetry book he placed next to my hand as he made his way back to his desk and pulled out a whiteboard pen from one of his desk drawers.

"So, have any of you read any poems at all in your lives? Ever?" With that a few hands shoot up and Mr Dubens tilted his head, pointing his index finger towards the back of the classroom. His eyes fixed on Charlie who sat on the back row. "Charlie. What poem have you read?"

"Well, I've only started reading poems a few months ago Sir..." He began, leaning back into his chair. "Ok, what were some of them? Can you remember?"

"The first one I read was Island Man." Charlie said with a strong and loud voice. Mr du and smiled approvingly and turned towards the whiteboard and jotted it down.

"What others?" He asked turning back towards the class, his and still raised towards the whiteboard. "

"Nettles?" Charlie spoke questionably, unsure of whether it was a right or wrong answer. Mr Dubens seemed impressed with him and turned to jot it down on the whiteboard. "Good, Charlie. I'm impressed you've read those two, they are some of the most important poems from the study books."

Charlie nodded and Mr Dubens shifted to another student. "Ok, Natasha? What about you? Have you read any poems at all?"

She shook her head stiffly, he obviously affected her. "No, Sir. I haven't. I'm not much of a book head." Mr Dubens exhaled, and his eyes settled somehow, "You don't have to be a book head to read poems. Maybe you should try it, see what you think." He suggested and shifted to another student. "Ana?"

Ana was one of the prettiest girls in the class except she ruined it a little by wearing really dark and gothic make-up. She had dark green eyes and died black hair which used two be blonde. He skin was pale, and her lips were covered a gothic purple lipstick. Her eyes were outlined with bold eyeliner, mascara pricking from the edges. Her nose was dainty, and her eyes stood out like a dolly's. "I read books, not poems." She said, gazing down at a book she had secretly been reading during class. Mr Dubens knew but didn't bother to mention it.

"Books are much the same as poems, Ana. You obviously didn't realise that. The school library do many poetry books if you look. I'm sure you'd be very interested if you like reading so much." He gestured his forehead towards the book she had been reading which caused her cheeks to burn a bright pink in embarrassment. Oops, Ana.

Mr Dubens walked away from her desk and made his way back to his desk which put less and less distance between the two of us. His eyes glanced towards me and quickly looked away, my eyes pinning outside of the window. I didn't fool him though as he smirked and picked a English GCSE book up. He knew all too well was checking him out and the fact he knew really out me down somehow. I felt little knowing I was such a bad faker.