The place was empty since it was still mid-day. It was a great contrast to the sight you see during sundown. People would be coming from every side of the area, surrounding the place and making it hell for claustrophobic people. Everything was pretty much on lock down except for the back door. I had to do a single round of the area to check every single entrance before I found one unchained. I knocked on it, before someone slid open the small rectangular space on the door. I slipped my ID inside. After a few seconds, it was slipped back to me and the door opened.
A bald and buff guard was standing there, holding the door for me. I walked in without looking back. During normal circumstances, that’d be considered rude but this was the illegal world. Scrutinizing or staring at people is rude. They might take it as you trying to memorize how they look to pass it on to the police, which wouldn't end well for you.
Oh wait, I just realized staring is rude even when legality and police aren’t involved.
My eyes roamed the place for any sign of the schedules. You might wonder why I didn't just ask the dude by the door on where to get them, but in this particular environment, people expect you to have a huge ass ego. An ego that’s way too big to be set aside to ask for directions or help. It sucked but it’s just how you blend in. Or at least that’s how I try to blend in. I’m not very observant you see, but at least I do try. It’s the effort that counts right? No? Okay.
I continued to walk around the place, not really knowing where to turn or go. I probably looked like a loon, wandering around the place and getting lost all by myself. Suddenly, someone from the hallway I just walked past cleared their throat. I whisked around and squinted. The hallway was dimly lit and I could barely make out the person’s facial features. It was definitely a she. I could see her curves clearly thanks to she was wearing. I walked towards the figure cautiously, stopping a safe distance away. I wasn’t going to be one of those sexist dickwads and underestimate the woman just because she’s a female; especially if that female was wandering around in this kind of place.
“You searching for something?” She asked to me and I recognized her as the woman who guided me through these halls during one of my fights here. Her tattoo sleeves helped me identify her. Her hair was still in unruly strands that made her look fierce.
“I was looking for the fight schedules.” I told her with the best stoic look I could muster. Emotions should never be shown at this place. To me, this was the nest of the enemies and it was a must for me to stay alert at all times.
The woman motioned for me to follow her. She walked towards the path I came from after stepping through the door and where I took a left, she took a right instead. She led me to a room and told me to wait outside. She unlocked the room and opened the doors. The sharp smell of fresh paint hit my nose and I tried to refrain from scrunching up my nose at the pungent stench. She went into the room and came back out a few seconds later with a piece of paper, handing it to me.
I looked at it and checked that it was the correct schedule by looking at the dates. I raised my gaze to the woman and nodded my thanks. I turned around towards the door whilst silently wishing that I won’t get lost trying to find my exit. That would be a complete bummer.
Luckily, I got out of the place without getting lost and got back home just in time for dinner. My parents were home but since neither of them could cook, we went out to one of their favorite Thai restaurants. Some would prefer homemade food than takeout or fancy food but that just wasn’t the case for me. You can’t miss what you’ve never had, you know.
Well that’s excluding the times Nana was visited and wasn’t too lazy to whisk one of her pork chops for dinner.
Those are inarguably the best meal anyone could ever have.
Nothing beats Nana’s pork.
The restaurant wasn’t as fancy as people pegged it to be. The portion was fulfilling and the price
didn’t make my eyes cry tears of blood, so it was worth it. The place wasn’t crowded and the chatter was bearable.
My parents and I chose a table beside the window where we can see the tree that was covered in fairy lights as decoration. I would be lying if I didn’t say it wasn’t pretty; as cliché as it was. I admired the warm golden lights that lit up in patterns, letting it draw my mind away from the chatter around me.
“So how are your studies? Did you make any friends yet?” My mom snapped me out of my reverie. I gave her a smile, telling her that school was great; and for once, I wasn’t lying. Despite being boring, studying was better than having to fight for my life. No matter how much I loved fighting, dying wasn’t high on my bucket list. I loved the thrill of it but I wasn’t a big fan of having to do it when my life was practically on the line.
“Have you visited Jerry recently?” My mom asked again. Her voice was low as if she was hesitant to bring up the topic up. I nodded mindlessly. It wasn’t a secret that I kept from them, I just spared them the details about what happened the last time I was there.
“And how is Adam?” This time it was my dad. He was trying to look nonchalant but I could tell that he was curious about what my answer would be. I tried not to tense up at his name but my grip on the cutlery in my hand tightened. I tried to cover it up by cutting up the piece of meat on my plate.
“He’s good.” I answered curtly, trying to drop the topic and move on from it. I didn’t want to remember what happened it didn’t sit well with me and I didn’t want to lose my composure in front of everyone; especially my parents.
However, my mom was either oblivious to that fact or straight out ignored the signs I gave out.
“Well, has his memory of us came back yet?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. It took everything in me not to give her a tight smile and leave the restaurant. I tried my best to keep my body language pleasant by simply shaking my head and keeping a decent amount of eye contact.
“He doesn’t remember me, Mom,” At least not as his girlfriend.
A small frown formed on her face as her eyebrows drew together, expressing her disappointment.
“I don’t understand why you wouldn't just tell the boy. I know for a fact that you love him, Case.” I tried not to keep myself from snapping.
All the while my dad remained silent with his eyes locked on me as if he was silently asking the same questions. I couldn’t tell my parents that the reason I didn’t want Adam to remember me was because I was a danger to everyone around me. They were completely out of the loop about Bryant joining a gang thing and the street fighting thing.
I didn’t want to spoil the image of their deceased son with such information. Their memory of Bryant should remain untainted because that’s all he deserves. He deserves to be remembered as a
flawless person because he’s been nothing but the perfect son and brother.
“I can’t, Mom.” I forced out and I purposely let some of my despair slip through my facade so that they’ll back off a bit. Unfortunately, with my mother, it was like she was living in her own bubble.
“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to get you upset. It must be hard on you but you know that we’re here for you. It’s just that I don’t want you to be late in realizing that something good may be slipping through your fingers right now. If that boy can make your father take a like him, he’s one of a kind.” My mom ranted on and it took a deliberate squeeze of the hand from my dad to finally shut her up.
Thank God that at least one of my parents have the courtesy of knowing when to drop things.
“We’re just worried for you but we’re happy that you’ve settled well in your university.” I nodded with a small smile, thanking my dad silently before continuing to eat my food. The rest of the dinner went on in silence after that and when we do talk, my parents avoided talking about Adam at all costs.
I was grateful because no matter how pleasant the memories with Adam were, the thought of it all being memories actually brought along a pang of hurt. Then there’s that memory of him accusing me of murdering Carla. Just the thought made my eyes sting with tears.
When dinner ended, we went home and I decided to open up some of my textbooks to get myself a head start on the lessons I was going to study this semester. I opened up my notes and was ready to spend the next few hours studying when I suddenly remembered the fight schedule I took earlies. I opened up my bag and took the paper out.
My next fight was in two days. I could feel myself getting jittery. I didn’t know why I felt nervous but I knew it won’t do me any good to feel so. I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself I gave training my best and that I’ll be okay. I have to be okay. No one is going to get hurt because of me.
No one but the boy whose brother is going after your loved ones because you injured him badly during one of the fights.
My mind flew to the psycho dude who blackmailed me. I won’t lie; I’m scared. Not because I felt threatened; no matter how much I didn’t want to die, I believe that death was inevitable and it will happen when it happens. I’ve accepted that for myself; but it was a completely different case when it comes to my loved ones.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to properly cope with the death of a loved one. Not when I’ve invested so much feelings in them. I was scared because my family and friends’ lives were at stake. It wasn’t just my life on the line now, it was everyone around me too―and I didn’t like the odds that I was facing.