Chapter 35

It's Sunday, the last day before Jaewook's father comes back home. It's already evening, but the impending arrival leaves me too anxious to wind down for bed. I put my pen down once the shaking of my legs grows unbearable. Maybe a shower will help me relax. Before I get in the shower, my thumbs pause over the message I've typed on my phone. I don't know why I feel nervous sending it, especially since I'm the older one in the relationship, but the intentions behind it leave me feeling so much younger, so naive. D: my periods done I send it with a squeal and enter the shower in hopes of forgetting what I just sent. The warm water does seem to loosen my muscles a tad bit, but my mind still seems to be all over the place—worrying about school, about work, about Jaewook. By the time my fingers have pruned, my body is warm and loose but the shower has proven to not ease my mind one bit. With a sigh, I wrap a towel around me and close the lights in the bathroom. I stare at my feet as they pad their way to my room. Within a second of being in my room, something covers my mouth from behind me. In response, my hands move up to what's obstructing my screams, towel falling to the floor without me even realizing. My heart feels like it could burst through my ribcage. I don't like feeling like I can't breathe—it's one of those unexplainable fears people often have but can't describe; like spiders, heights, holes. For me, it's feeling my throat tighten, when I can't breathe normally. One time as a child I had gotten a bad chest cold. The wheezing in my chest ended up giving me an anxiety attack because I felt like I couldn't breathe properly. Of course, as a result of panicking, I ended up really not breathing properly. A low sound vibrates against my ear. I try to turn my head, and as I do the hand drops from my mouth. I immediately feel a rush of relief when my mouth releases my breaths. "Hello baby," he says lowly while breathing against my cheek. "You asshole," I swear from the shocked state I'm in. "Don't—don't ever do that again." The darkness is less menacing now as I feel his familiar body against my own. Then I realize that I'm naked. When I try to lean down to pick up the fallen towel, his hands grab onto my hips. "What a nice surprise, to feel your soft skin." "Stop it." I'm beyond flustered as my boyfriend's hands slowly roam my bare skin. He pushes against me even more as his hands move up to hold onto my breasts. I can hear my own breathing now as I feel my inhibitions lose control. "What are you doing here Jaewook," I ask, momentarily forgetting about my text message. "I'm here hoping to do you," he says against my ear. I can't help but laugh at the corny words and he chuckles as well. "You texted me that for a reason, don't pretend you don't know sweetheart." He smirks before catching me off guard by wrapping his lips around the cuff of my ear. His tongue licks a stripe down the sensitive skin before he sucks on my earlobe. My body shivers as it pushes back against him, against the will of my mind. "I missed your taste." He sucks once more before turning my face to gain access to my lips. His mouth is warm and tastes of something sweet as it moves over mine. His tongue swipes across my lips before pushing through, falling against my own tongue. There's no stopping the noises that struggle their way through my mouth now. His hands move to hold onto my waist, and he turns me around. Then those devilish hands move down to grasp my butt, pulling me to urge me to jump up. So I do, and his hands hold onto my thighs as he carries me across the dark room. Having memorized where my bed is, he lays me down gently before parting our lips and feverishly pulling his own clothes off. I only see the shine of his eyes as I look up at him. He makes me feel so wild, so animalistic. I never thought I could fall so deeply into instinct, but every time he touches me like this I end up surprising myself. He's like a catalyst, quickly igniting a reaction in my body with just one touch. And there's nothing I can do but respond to him, follow his lead, move my body in sync with his. His warm skin, his firm muscles, his tantalizing tongue, his passionate gaze, his gentle hands, his rough movements, his smell, his voice, his body, his mind, his heart, I'm enamoured by all of it, every particle that makes him up. He makes me feel alive. He makes me believe I should feel bad for the others, for those who don't experience this kind of blazing passion, this kind of chaotic love. It's always amazing to me just how quickly he changes. From taking control of me, speaking such shocking words laced with seduction, moving in a way that my mind can't handle, to collapsed beside me, his head cradled on my chest, words once again sweet and respectful. We relish in this moment, knowing it won't come so easy by tomorrow morning. . . . "So you're coming up soon?" Babbles from my baby half-brother momentarily sidetrack my father. "Yeah—uh—in two weeks. and Erika and Ben are coming too—isn't that right?" "Ben!" The toddler shouts his name out excitedly as he shakes his toy cars in the air. "Joojoo Noona play with me?" He asks with his head titled, speaking a mix of Japanese and Korean in the cutest way possible. "Of course, I'll play with Ben every day!" His slobbery smile fills the screen as he grabs my dad's phone. "Oh hold on little guy—" my dad regains power of his phone, an unattractive angle of my fathers face now in view. I hold back my laughter as he holds the phone below his chin. "We'll be up in Seoul for five days. I'm hoping you can help out Erika when I'm at my shows. She's never been out of Japan so the trip has made her anxious." "Of course, I'll be her tour guide slash babysitter." "Thank you honey. Let Zen know too." I nod and we soon say our goodbyes. When I hang up the call, I decide to lie on my bed for a bit longer. I've had a lot of assignments and tests this week, and I can feel the stress struggling to leave my body. My eyes are closed when a loud noise causes my body to jerk in shock. I sit up, confused about where the sound came from. I hear something similar—muffled—like it's from Jaewook's room. It's been five days since I've seen him, five days since his father arrived and his mother's paranoia returned. With a sick feeling in my stomach, I lean my head against the wall. At first, I don't hear anything but the heater that's on. But then I hear the dulled sounds of shouting. I clench my eyes shut. Don't listen, just put on headphones and don't listen. There's nothing you can do. I try my best to forget about it, but the noises only get louder, and my heart only beats faster. The stress I feel multiplies to the point of almost hyperventilation. My attempts to mind my own business fail once I hear Jaewook's voice distinctively, shouting with more intensity than I've ever heard. The anger in it makes my throat feel like it's constricting. Before I can rationally think through this, I'm out of my room and opening the front door. My eyes stare widely at their door, my chest heaving as if I've run a race. I knock first and then ring the bell soon after. It's so loud that you can even hear their noise from the hallway. When there's no response I start to press the button frantically. My eyes haven't blinked, and water soon builds up in them. When the door opens I have no idea what to do. I haven't really seen it before—his father's face. But here he is, the big bad wolf I've heard so little about but know enough of to be terrified by. My first thought when I see him is that he looks like him. My second thought is that I desperately wish he didn't look like him. ...