Chapter 10

Jaewook had texted me saying his class was going on a field trip, so our study sessions were cancelled for the week. This gave my thoughts the chance to spiral out of control as a result of the last time I saw him. The kiss. That peck on the lips was the most insignificant kiss I've ever had in my life so far, and yet, I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was driving me insane, I had to go to the university gym every day this week to try and tire out my thoughts, but they always seemed to crawl back into my conscious after. A week later, I'm heading to his place. I take deep breaths and shake out my limbs before ringing the bell. "Keep it cool Destiny, just keep it cool," I mumble to myself. "Oh, Delilah, I didn't know you were coming today?" I'm tired of correcting this woman so I just let it be. "Yeah, Jaewook texted me," I say as I watch her somewhat perturbed expression. The woman always seemed to be super cheery when I came over, and often checked in on us while studying, primarily to baby Jaewook. But today she seems a bit annoyed. "I see. Well it's going to have to be a short session today because I'm going to be taking him out shopping later." "Uh, okay," I simply say. "Mom, I told you I don't want it." Jaewook appears in sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt. "But honey I want you to have it." His mother says this quietly, as if not wanting me included in the conversation. "I don't even have a license yet." "Oh that's fine sweetie, you know I would give you the world if I could," a super bright smile covers her face again as she places her hands on his face. Shockingly, he pushes her hands away. "Stop it. Let me do something on my own for once, okay? I'm tired of you getting me every little thing I want, and even don't want, just because you feel bad." Oh no, I need to get out of here. I shift on my feet awkwardly and eye the door. His mother's mouth is open and her eyebrows are turned up in a hurt expression. "I don't want it," he seethes through his clenched teeth. Then he disappears all of a sudden to his room. Loud noises come from it and his mother gasps in shock. He returns with a half open backpack and opens the door. He grabs my arm and pulls me into the hallway and slams his door. I feel winded in sheer terror of that awkward situation, unsure of what to do or say. "Let's study at your place today," he quietly says. I fumble with the keypad and open the door quickly. He heads right in, his posture incredibly stiff. "Uh, my desk and room is too small so we should just work here," I point to the dining table. He looks around the humble apartment in slight shock for some reason, like he didn't think it would be this small in comparison to his. I sit down and feel relieved when a fluffy ragdoll leaps into my lap. I pet Podo's soft hair, using him as a sort of stress reliever. Jaewook sits across for me and silently takes out some books. "I got an 81% on my last Math test," he says this monotonously. This is so not like the excited boy that handed me his bad mark weeks ago. "That's great Jaewook," I softly say, petting Podo more urgently now. "Don't worry about that. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." He looks into my eyes with sincerity. "It's okay. You shouldn't be so brash with your mother though—" I say quietly. His laugh drips with irony. "No, she deserved it. I'm tired of her not acting like a real parent." That sounds familiar. "What do you mean?" "She spoils me, but I don't want to be spoiled. I'm an adult now, I want to make my own money and do things on my own. But she shelters me and acts like I'm this perfect child. She never even yelled at me for my failing grades like any other parent in this country would. Hell, I got more of a lecture from the principal than my own mother." He pauses and stares at Podo. "It makes me feel like I'm not even important to her, like my future doesn't matter. Like I'm just an object for her to show off. She even told me she doesn't want us to continue our sessions anymore, that's why I couldn't see you last week." I want to say that he's wrong, but in reality, he's right. No parent should be so lenient and unwilling to give them autonomy, it'll just make the child feel worthless. And why does his mother not want him to study anymore? Does she really not want him to go to college? "I'm sorry Jaewook, I don't know what to say. If it helps, my mom wasn't so great of a mom either. She just didn't know how to be one. But luckily my dad made up for what she lacked." I try on a small smile, hoping to somewhat resonate with him. He gives me a small smile in return but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Yeah... I'm sorry for saying things to you that I shouldn't. I usually don't talk about myself to people." "There's nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts with someone else." He simply nods without meeting my gaze. I try to think of a new topic. "So your math mark is a great improvement, are you thinking about going to university?" "No." My face drops in disappointment. "Why not?" "I have nothing I want to do." "There's got to be one profession that interests you." He shrugs his shoulders. "What are you in?" "I'm studying to be a doctor, hopefully a surgeon." "Of course you are, you're so smart," he smiles. "Hey, I'm not smart because I was born like this, I worked hard. Really hard because people see me and don't treat me as equally as everyone else in this country. You can become whatever you want, if you just put in the work." "Thanks for the encouragement, Noona," he softly smiles. "And I'm sorry people are like that to you. You were born here, right?" I nod. "I'm just as Korean as every other citizen here," I say firmly and with my head held high. "I think we still have a long way to go as a society. For the record, I never saw you differently," he pauses, lips twitching slightly. "Just prettier than most." I can't help but stare at him with wide eyes, completely speechless. He just looks back at me with his sweet little smile, but quickly leans down to fiddle with his backpack. I forcefully have to shake my head to unlock my gaze. Naturally, we fall into studying again, and Podo joins us on the table, cashing a ruckus by pawing his pencils onto the floor. But I let it go because he makes Jaewook laugh. Eventually it's getting so late that I can't stop myself from yawning every five minutes. "I should let you rest," Jaewook says as he packs up. I get up to stretch and help pick up some of the pencils the cat knocked down. Jaewook collects everything and takes another look around the place. "Is that your room there?" He points to what is indeed my bedroom. "Yeah, how did you know?" "My room is right against yours," he gives me a grin unlike one I've seen before. I continue to stare at him as I wonder just how he knew that was a bedroom and how he knew it was mine. I squint my eyes at him, tilting my head as I'm about to say something but he interrupts my thoughts. "I'll see you later, Noona." Before closing the door, he smirks at me in a way I never expected. His eyes are mischievous, his mouth turning up on one corner in a teasing manner, and I even catch his tongue gliding along his lower lip before he turns and walks away. I stand in the doorway, completely dumbfounded and perplexed. When I head to my room to lie down, my rambling thoughts don't seize. How would he know? Was it just a good guess? But the look on his face was so sure. Do I talk loud? Does he hear me— I gasp in horror as I can vaguely hear a door close. I put my ear against the wall and everything is so much clearer. He was right. I can hear him move around his room, likely tossing his book bag down, and then I hear the springs of his bed and he falls onto it. It sounds like his bed is against the same wall as mine. Oh my god, this is like eavesdropping. I have to be very careful about what I say now. I immediately regret blasting music in my room, as I often do, when I recall all the times I belted out lyrics terribly. No wonder he knew it was my room. I begin to wail in despair but quickly clasp my mouth shut with my hands. When I lean against the wall again I swear I can hear him chuckle. . . .