460- The Weight of Shame
POV Thalyndra Moonclaw:
A female voice echoed through the haze clouding my mind.
I nipped at his lip, swallowing the groan he breathed out. My fingers traced the muscles of his chest, studying him like a map.
“Hello!”
That damned voice again. It sounded even closer this time.
Anton pulled away from me abruptly. He took my hands and gently moved them away from him. His lips were swollen and red, his breathing uneven. He looked at me with a different kind of gleam in his eyes.
“Hello!” she repeated, making irritation flare inside me.
He released me and turned toward the fitting room curtain, pulling it aside just enough to peek through.
“She’ll take everything she tried on,” he said, running a hand through the hair I had mussed up. “I was helping her pull up the zipper on the dress,” he lied.
The girl cleared her throat.
“Of course! I brought your coffee.”
Only then did I fully register where I was and what had happened. I blinked, forcing away the haze that had left me motionless.
Gods, I had kissed Anton. Well... he had kissed me. But I had kissed him back. And, worst of all, it had been the best kiss of my entire short existence.
The girl. I had growled at her, acted like a savage. I had tried to bite his neck...
I stopped thinking.
The more I tried to make sense of what had happened, the less sense it made.
I cleared my throat and lowered my head, staring at my feet.
“I’m going outside. Change your clothes so we can get out of this store,” he whispered before pulling the curtain aside and leaving the fitting room, leaving me alone.
Not completely alone, though.
I was left with the embarrassment I would be carrying for a very long time.
Shaken.
That was the perfect word to describe me.
With a kick, I scattered the dry leaves piled in front of me. They swirled around me, some getting caught in my hair.
I was wandering alone through the forest, trying to calm the thoughts that consumed me.
I pulled the leaves from my ponytail and tossed them back onto the ground.
I huffed, placing my hands on my hips and looking around.
I had no idea where I was. The only thing I knew was that I hadn't crossed Eldoria's borders, or one of Anton's guard dogs would have already come after me.
The forest looked exactly the same no matter where I went. Left or right. The tall, dense trees, the ground covered in leaves, the sunlight filtering through the branches. It was all exactly the same.
Even if I wanted to escape that place, I wouldn't be able to—not with my excellent sense of direction and survival skills.
I dropped to the ground, sitting on the soft pile of leaves.
I was a fraud.
If my father were still alive, he would be disappointed to see what I had become.
I spent most of my time alone, reading whatever book I could find, trying to distract my mind from what I truly wanted: to kill the Merchants. And when I wasn't merely existing and enjoying my own miserable company, I was rubbing myself against the heir of Eldoria, unable to control myself.
My own body. My own reactions.
I drew my knees up and draped my arms over them. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath.
The one chance I had to get out and clear my head, to go into town and have a day that reminded me of who I was, had been a complete disaster.
After growling like a rabid bitch at the store clerk and kissing Anton, I had become completely numb. I walked out of the fitting room carrying the weight of shame and humiliation on my shoulders. I even forgot about the clothes I intended to buy. If it hadn't been for him purchasing everything for me, I would have returned home empty-handed.
At the bookstore, I picked out titles absentmindedly, unable to focus on anything. Afterward, we went to a restaurant to eat. I chose the first dish I read on the menu, keeping my mouth shut the entire time and ignoring the alpha in every possible way.
Unlike me, he was kind and polite. He didn't let it affect him the way it had affected me. He handled the situation well and tried in every way to make the day pleasant, the way it should have been.
But nothing he said or did could change things.
Nothing.
I opened my eyes and jumped to my feet in a sudden motion. Taking a deep breath, I placed my hands on my hips.
I hadn't come all the way into the forest to think about the past, or about the shame that would remain my companion for a very long time. I had come there to train, to improve my skills, to prepare myself to kill every damned Merchant who crossed my path.
Anton Eldoria shouldn't be a problem.
He was just the wolf who had saved me—in his own twisted way—and who was trying to keep me safe because of a promise his father had made to mine.
I moved forward, searching for a suitable place to begin my training. I knew how to do it alone; my father had already taught me, almost as if he had expected this moment to come. It worked much better when I had someone to spar with, but for now, this would have to do.
I stopped in front of a tree, adjusted my stance, rolled my neck from side to side to loosen my spine, and then lunged at the trunk, striking it with my fists.