428- Ashes and Farewells
POV Thalyndra Moonclaw:
"You are my most precious thing. Your life is what matters most to me. Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger."
I had memorized the speech. It was something he always told me when we said goodbye. Although his concern was somewhat excessive — since he was always keeping a close eye on the Mercantes — I understood him. If I ever had my own children someday, I would worry about their safety too.
"Nothing is going to happen. We're safe here, aren't we?" I pressed, trying to convince him that everything was fine.
He chewed the inside of his cheek, considering.
"We are never safe," he whispered, falling silent again. "I'll come pick you up."
"Dad!" I bristled. He shook his head.
"I've already said I'm coming. I'll meet you in the parking lot, in my usual spot."
Every now and then he did that — gave in to his worries and refused to let me wander around alone.
Over time, I had come to understand what it meant.
He had caught a scent. He was uncertain about our safety. There must have been a Mercante nearby, or some sign of them in neighboring towns.
I already knew what would follow: another abrupt move. A new city, a new university, new professors, and new students to meet.
I looked around, taking in the walls that reminded me of an egg yolk. I would miss that place — the quiet little town had been a good home.
"All right, I'll wait for you." I blinked, turning to him and smiling, careful not to let him see the faint emotional tremor beneath the surface.
"See you later," he announced, walking away in the opposite direction from where I was headed.
"I love you," I called after him, blowing a kiss into the air.
"I loved you first." He turned, winked, and then continued on his way.
His answer was always the same, every single time I told him I loved him. When I once asked why he always said that, he told me it was simply the truth. He had loved me first — from the moment he found out I was growing in my mother's womb.
I moved down the hallway at a quick pace, fully aware that I would be walking into class late. When I reached the door, I peered through the small window and spotted the professor mid-lecture, students seated at their desks, listening in silence.
I squinted and took a deep breath.
I absolutely hated arriving late and becoming the reason every pair of eyes turned in the same direction.
I opened my eyes again, turned the handle, and walked in. Professor Archie shot me a sideways glance but didn't pause his explanation. The students ignored me, staying silent. I settled into one of the desks, pulled out my materials, and waited, staring at the man in front of me as though I were paying attention while my mind drifted somewhere far away.
I opened my palm and studied the scar I had earned as a child, back when my transformation was not yet complete — and therefore without the accelerated healing that came with it. The mark left by the flame that had burned my skin when I tried to touch it was a part of me. I rubbed my thumb over it, trying to coax the memories of how I had gotten it back to the surface, but they were blurred, my mind having erased them as the years passed.
It was the only reminder I had of once having been so close to other wolves, even if I could barely remember it.
I shook my head, pulling myself away from my thoughts, and focused on what the professor was explaining — hearing for the second time content I already knew by heart.
I stared at the empty parking spot, my heart pounding.
I blinked, resolute, trying to keep the wave of panic under control.
He's just running late, nothing bad has happened. I told myself.
He is never late. Absolutely never. Another intrusive thought struck me.
I shuddered and clenched my fist around the strap of the backpack on my shoulders. The late autumn wind blew against my face, sweeping my hair aside.
I looked around, watching the students thin out as they climbed into their parked cars and pulled away from the campus.
With every second that passed, I was more alone.
I waited — even as every hair on my body stood on end and my heart refused to stop thundering in my chest. I waited, trying to hold on to the small spark of hope burning somewhere deep inside me.
I waited, until there was no one left in the parking lot but me.
I shook my head. The tears gathering in my eyes blurred my vision.
"Please, just be stuck in some damn traffic jam," I whispered, letting the wind carry my words away.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent yet another message — I had lost count of how many. I closed my fingers around the device and waited.
One, two, three, four seconds. No reply.
I swallowed hard, trying to stay calm, to stay in control. Falling apart wouldn't help me — it would only make me act without thinking and put me at risk, given that I could transform or do anything else that involved pushing the boundary between woman and beast.
I had come to understand, over the years, that my animal side was directly tied to my human side — only in a far more forceful way. My beast felt everything with greater intensity, which was why it was important to keep myself calm, even as every inch of my body was tense and bracing for the worst.
I took one unsteady step forward, then another, and another. I moved away from the university, determined to walk home with all the composure in the world.
My pulse was racing and my breathing was thick, my shoulders rising and falling with every exhale.
As soon as I turned the corner, I quickened my pace. Although I tried to appear calm, my rigid movements and raised posture gave me away.