17 Young Man's Thoughts
(Finn's POV)
I wanted to run away, but I also wanted to talk to Ella. So I braced myself and went over.
"Ella, you can play with him." The man said to the girl. "You can be friends."
So the girl's name was Ella. A very nice name—soft, bright, like flowers just blooming in spring.
The man was her potion teacher, named Wayne. The two of them lived on the edge of Thorn Town.
Ella and I slowly became friends.
Ella is 3 years older than me and knows much more than I do.
She can cook, make potions, mend clothes, hunt... she just can't grow plants.
My sense of smell is keen. I can always find rare herbs first and often help Ella gather medicine. And Ella helps me treat wounds.
Sometimes we read together, sometimes we eat together, sometimes we run to the hillside at night to watch stars.
I want to be with Ella forever.
Very fortunately, Father told me we can settle in Thorn Town!
"Your mother and I have finished our work. We can stay here permanently."
"Finn, do you like it here?" Mother asked worriedly.
I answered very loudly: "Yes, Mom! I like it here. I want to live here!"
I thought such happy days would continue forever.
No one expected Wayne would disappear like that.
I'll never forget that day. Ella went excitedly to take the Junior Pharmacist exam. She was only 10. Everyone thought she couldn't possibly pass.
But she succeeded. A 10-year-old Junior Pharmacist—practically a genius.
Everyone was happy and prepared a small party for Ella. But Wayne never showed up.
Ella wore a pure white dress. Her tan curly hair braided into a long plait. The end tied with a white ribbon, like a flying butterfly.
Wayne disappeared. The butterfly's heart broke.
Ella frantically searched everywhere for him. She didn't eat, drink, or sleep. I thought she would die.
Wayne vanished without a trace, as if he'd never existed.
Ella searched all the nearby villages and towns. Finally she even wanted to rush into the Veiled Gorge restricted area.
I stopped her. She cried, trembling all over, struggling desperately. Good thing I'm a werewolf with greater strength.
Ella scratched my face. When she saw me bleeding, she stopped struggling and stared at me blankly.
"Ella, you still have me. Can we live together in Thorn Town?"
"Wayne is a very capable person. He must have very important reasons he can't talk about for leaving. Let's stay in Thorn Town together and wait for him to return, okay?"
I'd never been so patient comforting someone. I was really afraid Ella would completely wither because of Wayne's departure.
Ella hugged me and sobbed uncontrollably.
I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing Ella had thought it through.
But a very bad thought couldn't help emerging in my heart.
If I were the one who disappeared, would Ella be this upset too?
...
Later Ella pulled herself together.
She studied potions desperately, passed the Intermediate Pharmacist exam, opened her own potion shop.
That year, she was 15.
She became lively and cheerful, warm and friendly. She had many friends. Under her guidance, people in the town weren't as afraid of our family anymore. But I no longer had any interest in making friends with them. I only wanted to stay by Ella's side.
To be qualified to stand beside Ella, I also started working desperately hard.
I entered the best werewolf academy, learning combat, learning to control beast transformation, learning how to become an excellent werewolf.
Wayne was gone. I'm the only one left to protect Ella.
Even though school was very busy, I still returned to Thorn Town every vacation.
Because Ella is here.
After growing up, I also understood my own feelings.
I like Ella. From the first moment I saw her until now.
This unrequited love lasting fourteen years is my unspoken secret.
I'm afraid that once I speak up and break this relationship, things between us will become awkward.
I know Ella likes Wayne.
I can't compete with a disappeared person. He took Ella's heart away.
However, recently, a strange man suddenly appeared by Ella's side.
A man named Kyle.
Ella says he's Wayne's younger brother, but I feel something's not right.
Wayne gave me the feeling of being powerful yet gentle, but Kyle... is definitely a dangerous character.
Ella is hiding things from me.
Kyle doesn't intend to hurt Ella, so I'm relieved. As long as Ella is safe, I don't want to deal with other matters.
Ella says he's a good person, so I believe he's a good person.
It's just... I always feel Kyle has a faint hostility toward me.
A beast's instinct doesn't lie.
That night I impulsively helped Ella steal books. I swear I didn't expect the patrol knights' rounds to be so tight.
When the patrol knights suddenly approached, I almost didn't think—I directly pressed Ella into my arms, pretending to kiss her.
This wasn't in my plan, but I'd rehearsed this scene countless times in dreams.
Pressing Ella into my arms was almost instinctive. One hand clasped her lower back, the other cradled the back of her head. The stone wall's coolness seeped through the fabric into my back, but I couldn't feel it at all because all my senses were filled by her in that instant.
Ella was entirely encircled by me in shadow. Moonlight only had time to kiss the top of her head before being swallowed by my shadow.
The patrol knights' iron boot sounds grew closer and closer.
I lowered my head, forehead against hers, nose tips almost touching. Her breathing suddenly became erratic. Warm breath brushed across my lips, carrying a faint sweet scent.
My heart pounded faster than on a werewolf's full moon night.
She was in my arms. Her waist was thin—so thin my palm could almost cover the entire curve of her lower back. Through the fabric, I could feel the line of her spine, vertebra by vertebra, like some kind of delicate instrument.
Her shoulders shrank slightly. She instinctively grabbed the fabric of my front. Her knuckles curled, gripping very tightly.
I couldn't control myself. I tried to make my lower body pull back, hoping Ella wouldn't notice my abnormality.
The patrol knights walked closer and closer. We had to pretend more convincingly to be kissing... Okay, I admit I also had selfish motives.
I pressed Ella tighter, making her chest press against mine. Her heartbeat transmitted through the thin fabric. I lowered my head, nose tip brushing past her nose bridge, lips suspended above hers, lightly touching.
She closed her eyes.
Her lashes cast a small fan-shaped shadow below her eyes, trembling slightly, like a butterfly fanning its wings. Her lips unconsciously inclined a tiny bit toward me. Perhaps she didn't even realize it herself.
My lips pressed against her ear. Using a voice only she could hear, I said: "We need to act more convincingly."
Then I lightly bit her earlobe.
Her earlobe was very small. Her auricle thin. I could feel the heat of blood accelerating beneath that thin skin.
She made a sound.
Her ear trembled under my lips. Her shoulders trembled too. Her whole body shrank, then seemed to arch forward, not knowing whether she wanted to dodge or hide herself in my embrace.
I raised my free hand, clasped the back of her head, pressing her face into the hollow of my neck. At the same time I turned my head, using my cheek to block her profile. From the alley entrance's angle, we were just a couple embracing and kissing in the dark, too absorbed to care about propriety.
She was buried in the hollow of my neck, breathing rapid and scalding, beating against my collarbone again and again. Her nose tip brushed across my skin, carrying slight dampness.
I closed my eyes and buried my face in the top of her head.
I really wish time could stop at this moment. Just me and Ella. Just the two of us.
This year I'm 20. I decided long ago that on my 21st birthday coming-of-age ceremony, I will formally confess to Ella.
No matter the result, I won't regret it.
But Kyle has shaken my resolve.
The night we stole the book and fled, I sensed someone following us the whole time, but he didn't act, so I pretended not to know.
Later when he appeared to help us, I realized the person tracking us all along was Kyle.
Kyle cares a lot about Ella.
I saw the way he looked at Ella. Maybe even he doesn't know.
His pupils became very bright in that moment. This made all his sharp edges blur.
He wasn't smiling. His mouth was flat. His brow didn't move. Intense emotion bloomed in his eyes, like a tide held back for too long finally overflowing the embankment—silently, unstoppably surging out, drowning everything.
He looked at her like looking at a dream he couldn't bear to wake from.
Just like me.