Chapter 24 Chapter 23
I spent the first two days after the ritual sleeping more than I'd ever slept in my life.
The coven had given me a proper room, comfortable and quiet, where I could recover without interruption. Kael stayed close, the bond ensuring he knew exactly how weak I was. Azrael disappeared for stretches but always returned, usually with food or books or small comforts he thought I might need.
It was Luna who finally dragged me back to consciousness on the third day.
"Okay, sleeping beauty, time to wake up," she said, pulling open the curtains someone had installed to let in actual sunlight. "You saved the world. Congrats. Now you need to shower because you smell like a magical dumpster fire."
I groaned and pulled the blanket over my head. "Go away."
"Nope." She yanked the blanket off entirely. "I've been patient. I've let you rest. But now we need to talk about the fact that you disappeared for days, nearly died saving everyone, and lost your magic in the process. So up. Shower. Then we're having a conversation like actual human beings."
"I'm not sure I count as human anymore," I muttered, but I got up anyway. Luna was right. I needed to face reality instead of hiding from it.
The shower helped. Hot water and soap and the simple act of taking care of myself made me feel marginally more alive. When I emerged, Luna had laid out clean clothes and was sitting on my bed with two cups of tea.
"Better?" she asked as I sat beside her.
"Marginally." I took the tea gratefully. "How are you? Last I knew, you were being evacuated during Malakai's attack."
"Terrified, mostly. But safe." Luna's expression sobered. "Sera, what you did was incredible. Insane and reckless and you could have died, but incredible. The vampires are calling you a hero. Even the ones who wanted you dead before."
"Funny how saving their lives changed their opinion," I said bitterly.
"Hey." Luna squeezed my hand. "You're allowed to be angry about how they treated you. But don't diminish what you accomplished. You repaired something that multiple witches died creating. That's not nothing."
"It cost me everything," I said quietly. "My power is gone, Luna. I reach for my shadows and there's just empty space. I'm not a Shadow Witch anymore. I'm not even sure what I am."
"You're my best friend," Luna said firmly. "You're someone who chose to save the world even knowing the cost. You're brave and stubborn and way too self-sacrificing. That's who you are. With or without magic."
Tears stung my eyes. "I don't know how to be just human again. I've only had my full power for a few months, but it felt like the only thing that made me matter. Without it, I'm just ordinary."
"Ordinary isn't a bad thing," Luna said. "Trust me. I've been ordinary my whole life, and I've managed just fine."
"You're not ordinary," I said. "You're extraordinary. You just don't have magic."
"Exactly my point." She smiled. "Magic doesn't make you special. It's just a tool. You were special before you knew you were a Shadow Witch, and you're still special now."
A knock at the door interrupted us. Kael entered, carrying a tray with actual breakfast food. Behind him, Azrael leaned against the doorframe, watching with those amber eyes that saw too much.
"You're awake," Kael said, relief evident in his voice and through the bond. "I brought food. You need to eat."
"I'm being smothered by supernatural beings who think I'm going to break," I said, but I took the tray anyway. "I'm fine. Really."
"You're not fine," Azrael said bluntly. "You lost a fundamental part of yourself. That's not something you just bounce back from in three days."
"Then what do you want me to do?" I set down the tray harder than necessary. "Wallow? Cry? Have a breakdown? I saved the world, I lost my power, and now I have to figure out what comes next. Falling apart won't help."
"Neither will pretending you're okay," Kael said gently. Through the bond, I felt his concern mixing with his own grief. He was mourning my lost power almost as much as I was.
"I need to know what my options are," I said, forcing myself to focus on practical matters instead of emotions I couldn't handle. "Thalia gave me a week to decide whether to stay at the Court or leave. What does leaving even look like? Where would I go?"
"Anywhere you want," Azrael said. "You're not obligated to the vampires anymore. The crisis is over. You could leave Chicago entirely. Start fresh somewhere new."
"With no power, no money, and a blood bond that ties me to a vampire?" I shook my head. "That's not freedom. That's just a different kind of prison."
"We'd figure it out," Kael said. "I have resources. Connections. I could help you establish a life outside the Court if that's what you want."
"What I want is to not have lost my power in the first place," I said, frustration boiling over. "I want to go back to three days ago and find a different solution. I want to still be able to feel the shadows responding to me. I want to matter again."
"You matter," all three of them said simultaneously.
I laughed, but it sounded more like crying. "Do I? Without my power, I'm just a liability. Someone to protect instead of someone who can protect others. I'm useless."
"Stop." Luna grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look at her. "You are not useless. You are not a liability. You are a person who made an impossible choice and saved everyone. If they can't see your value beyond what magic you can perform, that's their failure, not yours."
"She's right," Azrael said. "Your worth isn't measured in power. It's measured in who you are and what you choose to do with what you have."
"Says the demon lord with infinite power," I muttered.
"Says the demon who watched his mother be executed for being human," Azrael corrected quietly. "Power didn't save her. It didn't make her less valuable. And losing your magic doesn't make you less valuable either."
The words hit harder than I expected. I'd never thought about Azrael having a human mother. Never considered what that must have meant in the demon realm.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't know."
"Most don't." He moved closer. "My point is that I understand what it's like to feel caught between worlds. Too human for demons, too demon for humans. You're feeling that now. Too powerless for the supernatural world, too aware of it to go back to being human. But you'll find your place. It just takes time."
"Time I may not have," I said. "The week deadline aside, how long before another crisis happens? How long before Malakai decides to attack again? I can't protect myself anymore. I can't fight."
"Then we protect you," Kael said firmly. "Until you're ready to protect yourself again in whatever way that looks like."
"I don't want to be protected," I said. "I want to be strong."
"Strength isn't just about magic," Luna said. "You taught me that. You've been strong your entire life, with or without Shadow Witch power. You survived foster care. You survived being hunted by vampires and demons. You survived losing your power to save everyone else. That's strength."
I wanted to argue, but I was too tired. Too emotionally drained. Instead, I ate the breakfast Kael had brought and let my friends sit with me in comfortable silence.
Later, after Luna had left to give us privacy, I asked the question that had been haunting me.
"What if it never comes back?" I looked between Kael and Azrael. "What if I'm just human now? Would you both still want me?"
"Yes," Kael said immediately. Through the bond, I felt absolute certainty. "The magic attracted me initially, yes. But I fell in love with your spirit. Your determination. The way you care about people even when caring hurts you. That hasn't changed."
"I loved you before I knew you were the Shadow Witch," Azrael added. "When you were just a witch selling herb bundles in that bookstore. Power isn't what makes you who you are, Seraphine. It's just something you had. Losing it doesn't change the core of you."
"You're both being very understanding about dating a powerless human," I said.
"You're still blood-bonded to me," Kael pointed out. "That's not changing. So we're connected regardless of your magic status."
"And I'm a demon prince," Azrael said with a slight smile. "I specialize in complicated relationships. This barely registers."
Despite everything, I almost smiled. "You're both ridiculous."
"Ridiculously devoted to you," Kael corrected.
"Ridiculously invested in your recovery," Azrael added.
"Ridiculously in love with someone who just lost everything," I finished quietly.
"Not everything," Kael said, taking my hand. "You still have us. You still have Luna. You still have the life you saved. That's not nothing."
"It's not enough," I said.
"Not yet," Azrael agreed. "But it will be. Give yourself time to grieve what you lost. Then we'll figure out what comes next. Together."
Through the bond, I felt Kael's agreement. And looking at both of them, these two immortal beings who somehow loved powerless me, I felt the tiniest spark of hope.
Maybe I wasn't entirely lost. Maybe losing my Shadow Witch magic didn't mean losing myself. Maybe, somehow, I could build something new from the ashes of what I'd sacrificed.
But first, I had to decide. Stay with the vampires who'd imprisoned me but now offered respect. Or leave and try to build a normal life with nothing but a blood bond and two supernatural lovers who refused to let me fall.
Four days left to choose.
Four days to figure out who Seraphine Blackwood was without the shadows.