Chapter 30
I found myself floating in the darkness. At first I thought I was dreaming, but this felt different. This felt more like I was being pushed into my mind. As though Eros was taking over and locking me behind. He hadn’t done that in a while and I could count on one hand for him, pushing me completely back to where I couldn’t see anything.
Righting myself, I felt better able to walk upright. The inky blackness weighing on me as I turned, seeing if there was a way out.
‘You think you deserve that spot?’
I spun around, coming face to face with my father. He didn’t look like the man I saw when I went to interrogate him over Aelia. No. This was my father, Alpha Tristin. His eyes were sharp and dark. The strong, large, in command Alpha that I had seen him so many years.
“What?”
‘Do you think you belong in that position, pup?’ He growled low, his face screwed up in anger. ‘Your sister was always better than you.’
I shook my head. “She never wanted to be Alpha.”
‘You’re right. Instead, she became a king.’
“Of the rogues! That’s not…”
My father scoffed, shaking his head. ‘The rogues choose their king based on strength and merit, pup. Your sister earned that spot. Just like she earned the title of prince. You couldn’t even earn the title of Alpha. They gave you the title because they could manipulate you.’
“I’ve been better than you!” I spat at him, my fingers curling in. “At the very least, I didn’t destroy the pack. Didn’t kill anyone.”
He chuckled and shook his head. ‘Is that what you believe?’
“That’s what I know! I am better! I am Alpha! I have done everything and I continue to make this pack thrive!”
‘It sure doesn’t look like it. It looks like you’ve lost control. Everything that you have kept in line. It’s all going to hell in a handbasket now, isn’t it?’
Swallowing, I shook my head. “I have it under control.”
‘Do you? Your wolf? Your mate? Your pack? Looks like you are losing yourself, pup. Your sister would have been better than you ever could be.’
Reaching out, I swung my fist at him. My hand went through his figure, the image of him swirling and dissipating into the darkness. Putting my hands on my head, I pulled my hair.
“You’re wrong!”
There was silence for a moment before I heard another voice.
‘Is he, though?’
Spinning, my eyes widened as I saw Aelia standing there. She was in her full First Prince uniform, the whole thing adorned in her medals. Walking up to her, I wanted to reach out and touch her.
“Aelia…”
‘You needed me, Silas. You needed me. You would have lost the pack without my help. I’m not going to save you anymore.’
I nodded. “I know. That’s why…I’m getting stronger. I am. I will be as strong as you.”
‘You will never be as strong as me, Silas. You care too much. Your pack deserves a powerful leader. Someone who makes the hard decisions and sticks to them.’
“Are you one to talk? You didn’t have a pack.”
She smirked and shook her head. ‘I didn’t need a pack. I gave orders, and they followed. Even the Alpha King would bend to my requests. You don’t have that strength. You never could.’
“I…that’s not…”
‘You are a disappointment. I expected you to be stronger. I expected you to know better. I didn’t tell you my secrets because I thought you could handle them. All you have done is let them take over.’
With every heart beat, a pain beat through me. Aelia shook her head and turned her back to me. Reaching out, I tried to grab her shoulder, but just like my father, the darkness overtook her.
“No! Aelia!”
I shouted after her, but there was nothing. No one answered. My breath caught as my body hurt. Falling to my knees, I held my chest. Red flames burst from the runes, searing them into my skin. Not just that, but they licked and burned out into the darkness.
It was trying to reach into me. I could feel it. For the first time, I wondered if this really was going to give me strength. I knew Eros had been fighting it and apparently, so was the mate bond, but I had felt it. The power and the strength that I didn’t have previously. My command was stronger, my body was stronger, but everything else was falling around me.
‘You are weak.’
Falling to my knees, I curled up into a ball and covered my ears. The last thing I needed to hear. He was not what I wanted to hear. I didn’t turn. I didn’t look at him.
‘You aren’t even strong enough to support me.’
Pressing my palms into my ears, I shook my head.
‘You couldn’t can’t even make up for my weakness as your mate.’
“NO!” I screamed into the darkness.
The fire consumed me more, and I shook, the pain overtaking my entire body. A cooling effect washed over me and I peeled my eyes open, looking up. A large black wolf stood in front of me. Stepping forward, as the fur brushed over my skin, I felt relief for a moment.
“Don’t listen to them, Silas. They aren’t real.” Eros spoke as he curled up around me. “They are manifestations of the magic. Do not let them get to you.”
“I need more, Eros.”
He sighed. “No, you don’t. You think Aelia didn’t rely not just on Finn or Noah, but on all her people? Do you think that if Alpha Tristin had reached out for help, he would have been backed into the corner? Power and strength, you have it. I have it and so do you. We can be better. Together.”
I leaned against his fur, the cooling effect dulling the pain. “Together.” My eyes slipped shut. “I feel like you’ve been so absent lately.”
“It will be easier with you fighting the magic as well. It’s not easy.”
Sitting up, I looked down at his fuzzy face. His eyes were black as he cocked his head to look at me. I shook my head.
“No, Eros. We can use this magic. We can master it. It’s only being like this because you fighting it.”
Eros growled. “No! Silas. We can be strong without it! Why do you insist on going through with this? It’s like you’ve become someone else. Someone I don’t know. You struggled in the beginning when you became Alpha, but never like this. What is going on with you?”
“I almost lost my pack! We almost lost everything!”
“It didn’t happen, Silas. It didn’t happen and you need to stop dwelling on it. It was months ago. So much has happened between that. Things that have imploded because of you. Because you keep listening to that fucking magic.”
Shaking my head, Eros reached over and licked my face. Reeling back, I tried wiping my face off as he laughed. He shook his head this time.
“You are not a pup anymore, Silas. You are not as you were when you were sixteen. You took over the pack, and you have done a good job. It is not weak to know the benefits of having people around you.”
“It did nothing for Aelia.”
He sighed. “It made her descent into death easier. You think she would have handled it with such grace if she didn’t have those two rogues, or even you and Nate. You focus too much on your own strength. Fight it with me, Silas. Fight it and we can be stronger without it.”
I looked at my wolf. His eyes pleading with me. Putting my head down, I slowly shook it from side to side. I could feel how sad and broken he felt.
“I can’t…Eros. If simply for the fact…I would have broken…I can’t…when Nate died…I…”
“Please, Silas.”
The pain came back, slowly at first. Making it hard to take a full breath. It was getting worse. My breath hitching at the apex.
“I’m sorry. I need this. I need this to continue. I’m alone. If I am doing this alone…then I need to use this. This will be good, Eros. It might not seem like it, but...”
“You are losing your soul. Your bond. It’s burning it away. Can’t you see that?” He pressed his nose to my chest. “You won’t survive. If you don’t fight now, you never will be able to. I can only keep it at bay for so long until something happens. Until you snap somewhere.”
I rubbed his head. “I’ll be okay. We will be okay.”
Gasping, I grabbed my chest and curled up. It hurt. It hurt so much. Was it because I had accepted it? Or was it Eros fighting it? I didn’t know, but I felt like I was burning up inside. Eros stood, and I reached out as he stepped away from me.
“Eros…wait…”
“No. I will fight. I will continue to fight. Every single day for our mate, for the bond, and for you own damned soul. Even if you don’t want to.”
The darkness engulfed him and I yelled, the burning only getting worse.
\-
Pain seared through my mind and I woke up drenched in sweat. My chest hurt as though someone had poured liquid fire on it. Shredding my shirt, I tried to see how bad the markings looked. I expected them to be bleeding like they usually were with this kind of pain. They weren’t, though. In fact, they looked lighter than they had in a long time; scars almost healed.
The door to my room opened slowly and Nate peaked his head in. I felt a surge. The need to dominate and control wash over me. He furrowed his brow, and I growled at him.
“Get out, Beta.”
“Silas…I can feel your pain.”
Throwing nearly my full command at him, Nate gasped and grabbed onto the doorframe to not fall.
“I shouldn’t have to keep repeating myself!”
“Stop! Goddess! I just wanted to check on you. You don’t need to be an ass about it!”
I really debated getting up and smothering him. If the pain wasn’t so severe, I would have. The voice in my head told me I needed to teach him some respect. It was louder than normal. My eyes got dark, seeing red, as I waited for him to comply with my request.
“You’re in pain! At least let me…”
Cutting him off, I pointed to the door. “Leave! Now!”
“Fuck you!”
Nate slammed my door shut, and I leaned forward, putting my head in my hands. I couldn’t feel anything other than pain. Eros was gone. I was all alone.