Chapter 19 Do I Love Him?
DAHLIA
He looked at me with an intensity that made my heart skip. For a brief second, there was admiration, maybe even desire, flickering in his eyes. But then, just as quickly, it vanished. His gaze dropped to the scar that ran across my side, the one I’d never been able to erase no matter how hard I tried, and his expression hardened like ice. I didn’t even know how I got the scar; I had grown to always see it on my body.
I froze.
What just happened?
One second he was looking at me like I was something precious, and the next… he looked disgusted. Or maybe afraid. Or both.
My fingers instinctively brushed the fabric covering the scar. My stomach churned. He must have recognized me.
“Just lie,” Sylvia whispered in my head, her voice sharp and urgent. “Lie to him, Dahlia. He can’t know it’s you.”
“Lie to the most powerful Lycan alive?” I hissed under my breath, trying not to move my lips. “Do you want me beheaded?”
Better beheaded than exposed, she shot back. If he realizes who you truly are and what you are, we’re done. You know that.
I swallowed hard, my throat tight. She was right. The Lycan King wasn’t known for mercy. But still… My heart refused to believe he’d hurt me. Not him. Not the man who once looked at me like I was the only light in his dark, cold world.
But maybe that was my foolishness speaking. I might be foolish for feeling so, but that was the only thing my brain could do.
I bowed stiffly, holding the pieces of myself together, and left the chamber as fast as I could without running.
When I finally reached the hallway, I could breathe again; it wasn’t the usual, but at least I wasn’t suffocated. My hands were trembling. Why did he send me away like that?
He had told me once that I was beautiful, that I was different, and that my eyes reminded him of wild things and forgotten nights. If the scar made him remember, then what was the reason for the silence?
By the time I reached my chamber, my thoughts were a tangled mess. But the moment I opened the door and saw them, my pups, the chaos in my chest quieted just a little.
Lily was sitting cross-legged on the bed, trying to braid Libby’s hair, while Liam was on the floor, building something out of wooden blocks.
Three little lights in all my darkness. My heart softened immediately.
“Mommy!” Lily squealed the moment she saw me. “The man with the brown teeth said you went to meet Daddy!”
I blinked, confused, then realized she must have been talking about one of the kitchen gammas.
“Why didn’t you take us with you?” Liam piped up, looking at me with those wide, innocent eyes. “We want to meet Daddy too.”
“I want to see Daddy too,” Libby added softly, his tone calm but hopeful.
I forced a smile. “Soon,” I said gently, kneeling down to their level. “You’ll meet him soon.”
Lily frowned. “But why not now?”
“Because Daddy is very busy,” I replied, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “He has to do some very important king things before he can spend time with us.”
They didn’t look convinced.
“Does he have toys?” Liam asked.
I chuckled softly, even though my chest felt tight. “I’m sure he does.”
“Can he fly?” Lily gasped suddenly. “You said Lycans are super strong. Does that mean Daddy can fly?”
That made me laugh, a small, real laugh that eased the ache in my chest for a moment. “No, sweetheart. He can’t fly. But he’s very strong. Strong enough to lift you both at the same time, I bet.”
They giggled at that, their laughter filling the room like sunlight.
I smiled at them, but inside… I was breaking.
Because every word I said was a lie.
They weren’t his children.
Liam climbed onto my lap, looking up at me with those eyes. “Mommy, is Daddy nice?”
My heart clenched.
“He tries to be,” I whispered.
Lily tilted her head. “Do you love him?”
Love?” I chuckled.
That question made my breath catch.
I looked away, blinking hard. “I love you,” I said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “That’s all that matters.”
But even as I said it, my mind drifted to Dagnoth’s eyes, to the way he looked at me before his expression changed. There had been something there, something raw and unfinished.
I helped them settle into bed, humming softly until they began to drift off. Liam was the first to fall asleep, his tiny hand still clutching mine. Lily followed, her lashes fluttering softly against her cheeks. Libby, though, stayed awake a little longer.
He turned his head toward me. “Mommy?”
“Yes, my love?”
“Why do you look sad?”
The question hit me like a knife. Children saw things adults pretended not to.
I smiled faintly, brushing his hair back. “I’m not sad, Libby. Just… thinking.”
“About Daddy?” he whispered.
I hesitated, then nodded. “Yes.” I didn't know when the truth slipped out of my lips.
He snuggled closer to me, his voice barely a murmur. “It’s okay, Mommy. Maybe Daddy will make you smile again.”
Tears pricked the back of my eyes. “Maybe,” I whispered back. “Maybe he will.”
He drifted off soon after, leaving me alone in the quiet glow of the moonlight.
I stayed there, sitting on the edge of their bed, my thoughts spiraling.
Sylvia stirred inside me, her presence soft but steady. You shouldn’t dwell on it, she said gently. He’s not the same man you knew. The king you saw today—he’s colder and harder.
“I know,” I whispered. “But I saw something, Sylvia. Just for a moment. The way he looked at me before he saw the scar. It was… familiar.”
Familiar doesn’t mean safe, she reminded me. You need to remember what’s at stake. You have your pups now. They are your purpose, not him.
“I know,” I said again, my voice cracking.
But deep down, I wasn’t sure.
I still felt something for him, something that shouldn’t exist, something that made no sense. And it scared me, because I could feel it growing stronger every time our eyes met.
I looked down at my sleeping children, brushing a kiss to each of their foreheads.
“I’ll protect you,” I whispered. “No matter what.”
Still, as I leaned back and stared at the moon through the small window, I couldn’t stop the thought from creeping in.
What if Kael would have been a better father to them?
The question hung heavy in my heart.
Would he have been gentle with them? Would he have laughed at Liam’s jokes or braided Lily’s hair? Would Libby have grown up knowing what a father’s love felt like?
I’ll never know.
Because fate had decided otherwise.
And now, I was trapped in the middle of two worlds, one ruled by the ghost of the past and the other by the man who once saved me but might be the one to destroy me next.
I wrapped my arms around myself, whispering into the night, “I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending.”
The silence didn’t answer.
But in the distance, somewhere deep within the castle walls, I could feel his presence. Dagnoth. Watching. Waiting.
And I wondered if maybe… just maybe… he felt it too.