Chapter 21 21- Rowan
RANDOM FACTS: Rowan was a highly ranked Beta. He bears very simple pheromones but it’s known that his presence can be very jarring and unsettling for no reason whatsoever.
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The world after the war was very scary.
It was terrible then. Too terrible for me to even comprehend. But I was a Beta, a highly placed one. I had joined in the war and fought alongside my Alpha and we had survived.
Very little. But we were alive and that was what mattered.
My Mate, Ciri, had changed during my time gone, but I hadn’t noticed. Not when other Packs were no longer respecting boundaries. Not when I was needed at the frontlines almost everyday.
But she never complained.
Finding out we were going to have a child together was a shock to us both. We were both old; in our fifties, so we had been sure if we didn’t have pups before, we never would have— but it was fine. Because she wanted it.
Even if we knew it was high risk.
Even if we knew Beta to Beta births were rare and strenuous to have. Especially during such a time. Especially now.
But I had only realized then that Ciri was so happy. She had not been that happy since I had returned from the war. So full of life. So I let her.
I left the frontlines, an act that had displeased many people but I didn’t care. My thoughts stayed with my wife who I loved more than life itself.
The pregnancy was hard on her body. Harder than either of us admitted aloud.
She tired easily. Some days she couldn't keep food down. Other days she craved things we couldn't get. Fresh berries in winter, meat when the hunting was poor. I learned to be creative. To trade with traveling Packs. To go without so she could have.
"You're spoiling me," She said once, when I'd managed to find dried strawberries from somewhere south.
"You deserve spoiling."
She looked at me for a long moment. Then she said, quietly, "I was so alone. When you were gone."
I didn't know what to say to that. I had been gone. For years. Fighting. Killing. Doing what needed to be done so that Packs like ours could survive. I had told myself she understood. That she was strong. That she was safe.
But sitting there, watching her savor those strawberries like it was the most precious thing in the world, I realized I hadn't asked. In all the time since I'd come home, I hadn't once asked her what those years had been like for her.
The seventh month was when the bleeding started.
It wasn't much. Just a spot on her shirt when she rose one morning. She tried to hide it, but I saw. I always saw everything when it came to her.
"You need to rest," I said.
"I need to—"
"Rest." I took her hands. "Please, Ciri. For me."
She wanted to argue. I could see it in her stubborn eyes. But something in my face must have convinced her, because she nodded.
Then I sent word to the Pack healer.
The healer was an old Beta named Marten who had delivered more pups than anyone could count. He examined Ciri with gentle hands, asked questions in a low voice, then beckoned me outside.
"The pup is healthy," He said. "Strong heartbeat. Good position."
"But?"
He sighed. "But your mate's body is struggling. Beta births are always difficult. At her age..." He shook his head. "She needs complete bed rest. No stress. If she can make it to full term, the pup has a chance. But I won't lie to you, Rowan. The birth itself will be dangerous."
"How dangerous?"
He met my eyes. "You may have to choose."
I didn't ask what he meant. I knew.
When I went back inside, Ciri was sitting up, mending one of my shirts. "Marten says you need rest,"
"Marten says a lot of things." She bit off a thread. "I feel fine."
"You're bleeding."
"A little."
"Ciri."
She looked up. Whatever she saw in my face made her set the mending aside. "Come here,"
I went. I always went when she called.
She took my face in her hands. Her palms were warm against my cheeks. "I know it's dangerous. I know. But I've waited my whole life for this, Rowan. Our whole lives. Place your hand on my belly. Feel her.”
I could feel my eyebrow raise as i took my hands out. “Her? Beloved, I am not certain—”
Her soft laughter rang through the house as she held both of my hands and slowly placed them on her belly. “You can tell from how excited she is everyone you’re so close. She knows just like I do that you are born to be a girl dad.”
I blinked. Then blinked again. “Girl dad,"
"Yes." Ciri's eyes sparkled with that particular mischief I hadn't seen since before the war. "You're going to be wrapped around her tiny finger. I already know it."
"I don't—" I started, but then the pup kicked. Right against my palm. Hard.
"That's her saying hello," Ciri informed me.
I opened my mouth to protest, hoping that it would not come to pass. Not now. A female Beta. It was hard then. It would be harder now.
Then the pup kicks again. And I felt it. And the world… Riven, the world. It came into perspective. I realized… that I would do anything to protect her, to make sure she never lacked a loving home.
But then I lost Ciri.
And my world seemed to spiral from then.