Chapter 75
Iris
His body grew taut with tension and then he slumped onto the chair, running his fingers through his hair. Fear was evident in his eyes and I was momentarily thrown into confusion.
"Why do you want to be pregnant now?" He whispered.
A gasp escaped my lips while I drew closer to him. "What do you mean by that? Don't you want us to have children?" I probed, feeling surprised.
He sighed and trotted toward the window, his eyes fixed on the garden below. "I'm scared, Iris," He admitted, his voice shaky and doubtful. "I don't want to fail my unborn children,"
I joined him by the window and stared at him, waiting for him to buttress his point but he said nothing else.
"You're confusing me, Gradel. Are you impotent? Is there any biological reason why you can't give me children?" I knew that I was sounding desperate but his silence grated my nerves and I hated being in the dark.
"I'm perfectly fine, Iris. It's just that I doubt my capability to raise a child properly. Take a look at how my father turned out, he killed my mom and caused a rift between my brother and me. What if I follow in his dirty footsteps? I don't want to start a journey that I'd be unable to end, Iris, so don't push me into what I'm not interested in,"
A wince tore from my lips as a stabbing pain shot through my chest. His words were founded on fear and it was even more sad that he couldn't see that.
How could I allay his fears without pushing him farther away from me? I inhaled deeply and waited till I was calm and collected before giving him a response.
And suddenly an idea struck my mind. "Why did you delay in accepting me as your mate and what pushed you into accepting me later on?"
He regarded me with a look of surprise and returned his gaze to the garden.
"At first, I was very scared that our relationship might not work out and you'd fall out of love with me, but then you proved time and again that you would always be there for me and you had my back, coupled with the fact that you were growing on me. I couldn't do anything without thinking about you and slowly it turned into an obsession that messed with my focus. I just had to do something about it, so I shoved the fear aside and..." He trailed off, his eyes widening in realization.
I shrugged and held his hands. "It's normal to be scared of what you have never ventured into, but life is a risk, you know. How can you conclude when you haven't even tried it?"
"But..." He tried to argue but I shook my head, cutting him short.
"But nothing, Gradel. I know you to be fearless, a risk taker too. Don't you want to experience the joy of fatherhood and the fulfillment that comes with seeing your seeds being successful? Don't you want to have a successor from your loins that will keep up your legacy?" I tossed all the questions at him.
The answers I expected didn't come, instead, he sniffed and crumbled on my body in tears.
My heart swelled up with empathy for him and I realized that each day, he was breaking every bit of fear that had grown in his heart over the years.
"Thank you so much, Iris. I don't know what I'd have done without you," He croaked, bawling hard as his body shuddered with a loud sob.
I caressed his back and placed a kiss on his neck, whispering words of consolation to him until he regained his composure. "You're going to make the best father to our kids and I'm ready to wait until whenever you're ready. Alright?"
He lifted his face, his nose puffy from crying too hard. If not for how sensitive our situation was, I'd have burst into laughter and teased him.
I thought of taking a picture of this moment, but I changed my mind and led him back to the bed.
"We should take a nap, Gradel. We've been so busy throughout the day that we've barely had time to rest." I urged him.
"You're right but who's going to organize my father's burial? But be rest assured that I'd have a long day on the bed after the burial is over..."
A knock on the door interrupted him.
"What do you want?" He sounded pissed.
Silence followed. "A man is waiting for you at the courtyard and he says that he won't leave until you and My Lady come down to see him." He announced.
We exchanged questioning glances.
"Did he give a name?" I asked, stifling a yawn of exhaustion.
The last thing I wanted right now was a visitor who didn't know the right time to come and camp in his ruler's house.
"Ummm... It's Hanlow,"
The fatigue that was about to overwhelm me jumped through the window and I sprang to my feet together with Gradel. Mr Hanlow was an unproblematic man and whatever brought him here had to be serious enough to make not to leave.
We didn't bother giving him an answer as we dashed out of the room and traipsed to the courtyard.
Several thoughts roved in my head, most of them negative while I kept wondering what could bring Mr Hanlow here.
My eyes met with his swollen eyes and running nose and I halted on step, my heartbeat racing faster than normal. Something had gone awfully wrong but I didn't want to give liberty to my imagination.
"Mr Hanlow, are you alright?"
He took a moment to respond and he gulped, wiping the tears that trickled down his cheeks.
"Dalian..." He muttered under his breath, but I heard his name loud and clear.
Oh no. I clutched onto my chest, praying hard that it wouldn't be what I thought it was.
"What happened to him?" I forced out of my lips while Gradel gently touched my shoulder.
A sob burst out of Mr Hanlow's lips and he fell onto the ground, throwing his hands into the air. My eyes had turned misty but my curiosity was yet to be satisfied so I pressed on for an answer.
"Mr Hanlow..." I called his name desperately.
He raised his head and sniveled, moistening his lips that had become chappy from crying profusely. "Dalian is dead." He announced.