Chapter 11: Eleven

A soft knock on the door made me jump, letting out a small yelp in surprise.

"Uh, j-just a second!" I called anxiously, clambering to my feet.

"Jennifer? It's me. I was just checking to make sure you were okay." I rolled my eyes. I guess I had been gone for awhile, but he had no reason to pretend to worry about me. I was just his toy.

I didn't bother answering and tucked my phone away, pulling open the door with as little emotion as possible. As much as my conversation with June helped, I was still feeling bitter about my realizations concerning Joel. He looked startled, then concerned, furrowing his brow as he looked me over.

"Were you sitting on the floor?" I flinched. I guess I did initially call out from the floor, so it would make sense that he heard me down there. I chose to ignore his question entirely, stepping past him in the small hallway.

"Is the food done?" I asked bland and directly. He paused before turning to follow me.

"Yea. But, um, is there something-"

"I have a class soon, so we should hurry." I heard a small sigh, but he didn't say anything. If he knew why I was upset, he sure didn't show it.

Throughout the meal, he remained mostly silent, watching me closely from the corner of his eye as if trying to figure out my sudden hostility. Meanwhile, I was trying to bury the guilt of texting June behind his back as well as going back on my promise. Even with the knowledge that Joel didn't see me as anything more than a friend, I still felt like he would be hurt by it. He was, at the very least, a relatively possessive man. I was his plaything, and he wasn't fond of sharing. He had made that clear.

Towards the end I could see the gears in his mind turning. He wanted to say something, but didn't know what or how. Oddly enough, the previous waitress had not been back by to check on us, which only put me more on edge.

Was he so embarrassed to be with me that he told her to give us space?

He had already finished his food when I hit the halfway point, and with a sigh, reached into his pocket to retrieve his box of gum. With shaky fingers, he popped one out, burying the package back into his jeans quickly.

"Why do you chew so much gum?" His head darted to me in surprise at my sudden attempt at conversation. After a second to correct himself, he cleared his throat, leaning onto the counter.

"It's nicotine gum." Oh. I did not expect that.

"You smoke?"

"Used to. It's been a few months since my last cigarette. The gum helps me relax a bit." Wait. So he chewed it when he was stressed? I thought back, and it seemed to line up.

"Oh. Do I stress you out that bad?" He stilled his bouncing leg, turning to me, but I didn't meet his eyes. I didn't want to. That would involve being vulnerable, which was something I was really fucking tired of being around him.

"Jennifer…"

"It's fine. I get it." I felt my throat tighten again, and I really just wanted to go home. No, I wanted to see Danny and Isabelle. They would know what to do.

He clamped his mouth shut, confirming my suspicions. And damn, did it hurt. But I was a big girl. I could handle rejection.

I finished our meal in silence, practically rushing to get out the door. He insisted on paying for me, but I wouldn't allow it. I was not his date. It would be vastly inappropriate for him to buy my food.

As soon as we got into the car, though, he broke his oath of silence.

"Jennifer, I-"

"I don't really feel like-"

"Can you just shut your mouth for one damn second?!" He shouted abruptly, bringing his hand down against the steering wheel. My jaw fell slack at his sudden outburst, and those cursed tears threatened to resurface. He turned to me with a glower, and I could practically see his blood boiling from the depth of his gaze. "I need you to stop cutting me off and listen. Do you think you could do that?" He added angrily, between his clenched teeth.

Did he expect a verbal response? Because with my heart in my throat, that would be impossible. So I just nodded, clamping my mouth, and turning away from him. But he wasn't having it, and I felt his calloused fingers grip my chin, forcing it back to face his stormy eyes. There goes hiding my emotions.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Did I do something wrong?" I pursed my lips, lowering my gaze into a glare. I knew that the technical answer was no. All he did was state a fact. I wasn't his date. I barely even knew the guy! But my embarrassment mixed with my stubborn ass and I refused to answer him. Seeing my petulance, he yanked his hand away, and for a moment I was worried he might hit me. I screwed my eyes shut, bracing for an impact, but none came. Instead, I heard the engine roar to life, and the tires squeal as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"This was a mistake." He mumbled, and at that, my tears spilled over. Now I was a mistake? How could he say that?

"You are such an asshole!"

"I'm an asshole?" He scoffed, his grip tightening on the wheel. "How am I supposed to fix anything when you refuse to tell me what the fuck even happened? You're so-" He bit down, screwing his mouth into a scowl as he watched the road.

"So what, Joel? Go ahead, finish. What am I?" He growled, his hand shooting into his hair and yanking.

"You're fucking aggravating!" I gasped, crossing my arms. I'm the aggravating one? He must be joking! "See! That, right there. You're throwing a fit like a fucking toddler. I didn't sign up to be your damn babysitter!"

"You didn't sign up to be anything, asshole! I'm your convienent fucktoy!" He slammed on his brakes, whipping into a parking spot on the side of the road, nearly making my head bang against the glass.

"What the hell did you just say?" He whispered, dark and sinister. I didn't want to repeat it, not while he was looking so murderous. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, his eyes boring a hole into the hood of his car. He was trying to hold it together, but it was pointless. The tension was feeding us.

I was choking in it. I needed to go.

I reached for the door handle, ready to make my escape, when I heard the lock click.

"Joel-" I started, but he cut me off, his eyes finally on me and heated.

"No. You aren't just going to run away from this. Talk like a big girl." I scowled at his condescension. "What, was it Yumi? Did you not like that she hugged me?" Was he serious? He really wasn't going to let me leave.

"What?" I was incredulous. Did he really think a hug set me off? Is that why she stopped coming by? He was trying to make me feel better?

"Because if you're jealous, you can just tell me." His tone didn't soften with his sentiment, and he continued to stare directly into my moist eyes, waiting for my answer.

"I wasn't jealous, Joel." I huffed, rolling my eyes and trying for the door again, but he caught my hands, pulling them onto the center console so I couldn't move. "What the hell? Let me go!" I shouted, tugging in vain. The more I struggled, the tighter his grip got.

"Just tell me and I will!" His booming voice sounded, and I snapped.

"You called me your friend!" I shrieked, stinging saltwater cascading down my flush face. His eyes widened, flashing with surprise, before narrowing.

"Wait, you're pissed because I called you my friend?" I clenched my jaw in response, to which he laughed humorlessly, freeing my wrists. "What did you want me to say?" He raised a hand in questioning frustration.

"I don't know! Okay, I don't know! Would it have been so bad for them to think I was your date?" I shouted.

"Yes!" He shouted back louder.

Then, silence. He dropped his gaze before sighing, lifting both hands to cover his face.

I knew it. I fucking knew it. He was ashamed of me.

I bit back a sob, letting my anxiety and humiliation wash over me, stripping me of emotion.

"Well, then you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'll leave you alone." I reached for the handle again, but this time, he didn't stop me. I had no idea where we were, but I knew I could get a ride. Digging for my phone, I searched through my contacts. Isabelle didn't have a car and Danny was in class. That left two people, June and Isaac. Being only a sophomore, I doubted that June had a car, so I opted for the devil himself. He did say to call if I ever needed anything, right?

As soon as I pressed the little green phone icon and held it to my ear, Joel stepped out of the car.

"What are you doing?" He asked, placing an upward hand on the roof. At that moment, Isaac picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Isaac? Its Jen." I could've sworn I saw the red flash in Joel's eyes upon my greeting. He stepped back, slamming his car door. I wanted to run, but I didn't want to get lost, so I just backed away from him.

"Oh, hey Kitten. What's up?"

"Hey, I um, I need some help. I need a ride back, I don't know where I am." I rushed out quickly, hoping he at least got half of what I had said. Joel reached me quickly, holding out his hand as if to ask for my phone. "Go to hell." I mouthed at him.

"Sure thing. Can you describe it? Are you still in town?"

"Give me the damn phone, Jen." Joel's grated voice demanded.

"Um, there's a Starbucks. And a publishing office. Jones. Jones publishing." I took a few more steps away, but he followed closely, looking around to see if we were drawing attention.

"Ah, okay. I know where you are. I'm not far from there, just give me two-"

"Give me the fucking phone."

"No, leave me alone!"

"Woah, are you okay, Jen? Who's with you?"

Before I could respond, Joel reached for the phone. I jerked away from him, but in the process, dropped it straight onto the concrete.

"Fuck!" I cursed, lifting it to see it completely smashed with a distorted white screen.

"You seriously called Isaac? What the hell?" He pressed, completely ignoring my broken phone that was entirely his fault.

"It's none of your business who I call! Why are you even still here? You're clearly ashamed of being seen around me!"

"What? Where the hell did you get that from?" He couldn't be serious. This was insane! He basically just told me as much in the car!

"I'm not doing this. You don't want me, that's fine. But I'm done fighting." I moved to step around him, but he caught my arm.

"Jen-"

Suddenly, Joel's phone started ringing. He grunted in annoyance, releasing me so he could pull it out of his pocket. His brow furrowed further when he read the name on the screen.

"Yes?" He answered with gritted teeth, watching me from the side. "Yes, it's me. She's fine, just… emotional. But I have her. I can take her home." I put my hands on my hips in disapproval. He was telling Isaac not to come! And I couldn't even get an uber because my phone was smashed. Damn it all to hell.

"Fuck you." His brows shot up at my expletives, and I could hear Isaac's laugh from the speaker.

"Shut up, man. I'm trying." He growled into the phone. Yea, trying to piss me off more. Deciding I had enough, I stepped towards the Starbucks, figuring I could use someone's phone to find another ride, but a gentle hand gripped mine. It was so unlike how he had been handling me, that it threw me off. I stopped, turning to face him. "Please, just stay." He mouthed, his eyes pleading. I knew it would be stupid to listen to him. He had given me no reason to hear him out. From shouting at me to grabbing me, he was already displaying an aggressive demeanor that I knew I couldn't handle.

But regardless of our venomous words and hateful behavior, I still felt comfort at his side. My chest hurt at the mere thought of crossing the street, leaving him here alone with this sad expression. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to kiss him, and forget he had ever hurt me. This couldn't be healthy, right?

But I didn't care. This was was only the beginning of this passionate, forbidden, and intoxicating relationship, and I was diving in head first.

"Okay."