Our Future

Our Future

SARAH

I don’t know why, but the question that’s been sitting in my chest ever since I was a child pushes its way out before I can stop it.

“Would you hurt her? Do you still want to hurt Sarah?”

My voice is slow, almost a whisper, as if I use my real voice, my real tone, it’ll shatter the fragile thing hanging between us, and he’ll snap out of it.

But now… now he looks so honest.

“I love you, Mom,” he says softly. “I could never hurt you.”

And then he smiles, a childish, open smile, before closing his eyes again.

I keep holding his hand, but now my own hands are trembling. My whole body is trembling. I’m waiting for him to open his eyes again, waiting for… I don’t even know what kind of moment I’ll get next.

And then I hear it.

“Sarah.”

The name slices through the quiet like a blade.

I jolt, shocked, my heart hammering. “Yes?” My voice comes out as a startled yell before I even realize it.

I yank my hand from Ronan’s and practically jump in the chair.

“What’s going on?” Cullen’s voice cuts in immediately.

He’s at my side in an instant, his arms wrapping around me, pulling me against his chest. “Why are you so scared? Why are you shaking like that? What’s going on? Are you okay? Did he do something?”

I just shake my head, tears already spilling down my cheeks. “Nothing,” I whisper, choking on the words. “Not here.”

“Okay,” he says gently. “Ummmmh.... I called your dad. He’s on his way here. Just… tell me what you want.”

“Take me away from here. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to see Dad right now.”

“Okay. Anything you want, wifey,” he murmurs. “Come on. Let’s go.”

He takes my hand, firm but careful, and helps me stand. I let him guide me, let him pull me from the room. But before we leave, I can’t help but turn back.... Ronan lies there, still as stone, sleeping under the drugs.

It’s too much....

I let Cullen pull me away, back into the hallway, back toward the world outside. Back to our home. And still, as we walk away, I can’t stop shaking.

I took comfort in Cullen’s presence. In him just being there. But I was still shaken. He did all the right things, the things a good man does when his wife is breaking apart inside. He drew me a bath. He prepared my food. He kept talking to me in that low, steady voice, like he was trying to anchor me, to pull me back into the present.

But I couldn’t get that conversation with Ronan out of my head.

Did he really think he was talking to our mother?

Did he really hate me that much?

And what did he mean when he said he would never hurt our mother?

Did he mean he would never hurt me?

Why the hell am I still thinking about this?

“Hey. Are you okay?” Cullen asked softly.

We had already had dinner. Now we were sitting in front of the TV, a movie flickering on the screen. I wasn’t watching.

“I’m fine,” I said.

“Come on.” Cullen shifted on the couch to face me, his expression serious but gentle. “You were a little mad before. But after I left you alone in the ward with Ronan, you’ve had this haunted expression. Tell me the truth, Sarah. What did he do?”

“He didn’t do anything.”

“Sarah…”

“At least, he wasn’t....” I broke off, searching for words. “He just had a hallucination. He was talking nonsense.”

“And?” Cullen pressed.

I looked at him, then away. I knew that what happened in that hospital room would die there with us. Ronan might not even remember what he’d said to me.... the sedatives blurring everything for him.

But I would.

I would always remember that moment. And I didn’t think I’d ever share it with anybody else. It didn't seem right..... He had been so vulnerable. And I knew he didn’t deserve my loyalty. But maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was just the fact that he was my brother.

So I didn’t tell Cullen what Ronan had really said. Instead, I told him about our family dynamics. About us growing up. About how Ronan had always hated me. How he still hated me.

Cullen’s brow furrowed. “Yeah, I see the way he talks to you. I always thought there was something weird. The way he’d look at you, so angry…”

“I know,” I said quietly. “But that’s Ronan for you.”

“So what did he say?” Cullen asked. “What happened in that hospital room? What’s got you so haunted?”

I took a deep breath and avoided his eyes.

“I just… I never thought I’d see him that vulnerable,” I said finally. “And I just kept thinking what would happen if he were to die, and I’d never really gotten to know him, or.....”

I stopped myself and shook my head. “You know what? Forget about it.”

Cullen reached over, his fingers brushing mine, but he didn’t push.

“Are you sure?” Cullen asked.

And I nodded. “Yeah. I think that being in that hospital room with him alone… and then talking to you… It’s given me some kind of perspective.”

“What kind of perspective?” Cullen tilted his head, trying to make light of the moment, a small smile tugging at his mouth.

“For one,” I said, “Ronan is going to be Ronan the minute he wakes up. He’s still going to be an asshole, and I shouldn’t really bang my head about him. But I’m going to be a Cincinnati now, and I’ll barely have to see him. So, yeah… he’s not worth banging my head about.”

“You got that right. You’re a Cincinnati now,” Cullen murmured, leaning in for a kiss, soft, unhurried, not deepening, just there. A small promise.

I turned back to the movie, the flicker of light on the screen blurring into shapes I wasn’t really watching. Time drifted. At some point, I felt him lift me. Carry me. Pull me into bed. His arms wrapped around me, warm and steady, pulling me against his chest.

And in that dreamlike state between waking and sleep, happiness bloomed in me, real. I was here with the man I loved. The man who loved me. The man who would do anything for me.

I was here with him. He was holding me. Protecting me.

For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have to worry about anything else. Not my family. Not my brothers. Not my father.

I could just be here, in this moment, with my husband.....and let myself think only about our future.