Chapter 8: The Lone Alpha

Chapter Six. Davina, and Max.

NOOO!

How is he here? Of all the people on this earth, to be here! He is sitting on a log, looking like a Greek God, as I stand rooted to the spot, my mouth open as if I am catching flies, watching as my son runs to him, and engulfs him in his small arms. My heart beats so hard I feel it reverberating in my ears, my mind is spinning, and I am struggling to breathe from the utter shock.

What the actual Fuck?

Just like the first time I met this man, I felt that my world had shifted. It is almost like he is a giant magnet, and I am just a speck of metal, flying towards him faster than the speed of light. Everything about him calls out to me on a cellular level. He feels like he is home. I cannot explain it, and I cannot believe it. The man who made me feel like something he had trodden on as he heartlessly ran after getting what he wanted, still has this unexplainable hold over me.

I feel tears begin to sting my eyes, as I am engulfed in a tidal wave of emotions. Rejection, shame, hurt, fear, and even lust is in there.

Why?

After what this man did, I do not know. But between my legs weeps, nearly as much as my eyes do.

Hell, I will not cry over this man, this stranger who took me and then discarded me like I was nothing. Yes, I was a consenting adult, but I had been drinking, and was just 18 years old, legally an adult but not yet mature enough to actually be one. He took advantage.

I cannot be conflicted, he told me I was unlovable, and now he is hugging my son.

Fuck that!

Anger bubbles to the surface and I stomp over to him, gently taking Max from his arms, as he locks eyes with me, his filled with his own tears. Tingles shot up my arm as his fingers gently brushed across my hand as I took hold of Max, causing me to gasp slightly. Hell, why does this idiot have the same effect on me as he did in the alley? I am losing my damned mind. My son’s father looks up at me, a single tear falls onto his cheek before he blinks it away.

Yeah, he can cry, the mother fucker. He can shed tears, after all, I have cried a fucking river over the years, whilst he was off doing God knows what, with who knows who.

“Max sweetheart, this man is a stranger, we don’t run to strangers,” I gently scolded my son.

His father looks at me, shaking his head, as if to beg me not to take Max away from him. But I have no choice. I cannot do this, I have to think, I need to get away and quickly before my emotions get the better of me.

“Let’s go home. Say thank you to Justin,” I tell Max, as he looks at me with his big eyes, which are filled with tears, smashing the shards of my broken heart into a million pieces.

“But Thrax wants his daddy,” he tells me.

I have no clue what the hell that means, but I cannot stay around and find out, because everybody else is now gawping at us, their mouths wide open in disbelief.

I need to get out of here! I am not doing this in the middle of the entertainment zone with every man and his dog looking at me.

“Go with your Mammy Max, she is right, you shouldn’t talk to strangers,” his father gently tells my boy.

The heartbreaking look, in my son’s eyes, almost does me in, as I take his small hand in mine and turn on my heel and this time, it is me who runs away. Well, not run, but walk with purpose.

Max and I walk in silence, it is never that way between us, we are always chatting about different things. Normally, the only way I can get him to be quiet is to give him food, or when he goes to sleep. If he is not talking to me, he is talking to that damned imaginary dog he has.

Finally, his small voice breaks the uncomfortable silence.

“Mammy, Thrax wants to know why you don’t like his daddy?” he asks.

Enough is enough with this shit, seriously, I cannot do this, not now, not when the dog's ‘daddy’ is Max’s actual father, a man whose name I do not even know.

“Sweetheart. That man is a stranger. You do not know him. You cannot run to strangers. It isn’t safe,” I gently tell him.

“He isn’t a stranger, Thrax…”

Before he can tell me any more about fucking Thrax I cut him off, my whirlwind of emotions taking over my normally patient nature with my son.

“Enough about Thrax, Max. What you did was totally unacceptable,”

Oh shit, I have snapped at him. Guilt begins to eat at my insides, my son has met his father, who never knew he existed for the first time, and I am snapping at him, and telling him off for running to him. God knows how the imaginary dog knew, but somehow my son recognised his father, and now my world has been turned upside down. I need to get out of here, away from this place! Hell, we were looking forward to this holiday for months and months, and to take Max away after only a day would be cruel beyond words. I cannot do that to him.

Hell, I am a mess, I don’t know how I am going to get through this next week. I must put Max first, but how the hell do I explain any of this to a five-year-old? More to the point, how the hell am I going to talk to his father. I cannot confirm to my child that the ‘stranger’ is his daddy, if the man runs away and deems my child unlovable like he did me, how is that going to affect my boy? Hell, I am so confused, but none of this is Max’s fault, and I need to make it right with him.

Max POV.

I am a big boy; I will not cry. But my mammy is very mad at me, and she is never mad at me.

“He was my daddy, Max, he loved me,” Thrax tells me, his tail between his legs and his ears back because he is as sad as I feel.

When I hugged Thrax’s daddy he didn’t feel like a stranger. Strangers are dangerous, and Mammy has always told me to never talk to them. But that man wasn’t a stranger, he was Thrax’s daddy, and when he was so happy to get a hug.

I feel the big tears fall out of my eyes, as my bottom lip quivers. Mammy is never mad at me, not really. But she is now, and I don’t like it. I look up at her face and see that she is also crying. I hate to see her cry, she did before when she did not have enough money for food and had to take me to the big church for my dinner.

“Mammy, I am sorry,”

I look at the ground, as she bends down in front of me, and gives me a big hug. It makes me feel a little better, but I cannot stop crying.

“I am sorry I snapped at you. You are mammy’s special boy,” Mammy tells me.

“I love you so much. Come on, dry your tears, and let's go beck to the caravan, get into our PJs and we can watch one of your favourite movies, and we can have some cookies and ice lollies, and even a bag of crisps for supper,” Mammy tells me.

I sniffle a little bit, knowing that Mammy must be very sorry for making me and Thrax sad because I get one treat a day and that is lots and lots of treats.

“I love mammy, but I want daddy as well,” Thrax whines at me.

I feel sorry for my doggie because I would like a daddy as well. But I do have the best mammy in the world.

Mammy showers me, it isn’t as fun as having a bath at home, with all my toys, but I have dirty knees from crawling with Justin to look at some wiggly worms. He told me how important they were to make compost. I didn’t know until tonight that mud is also called compost, and it is made from worm poo. I don’t want worm poo on my knees. Eww, that is disgusting!

Mammy helps me put my PJs on, my favourite ones that are covered in moons and stars. I love them, and get me all my treats, and get this….a BIG cup of hot chocolate.

“Wow!” I tell her, my tears all gone as I taste the drink.

I normally only get this at Christmas as a treat, and because mammy tells me it will help me sleep. My mammy is the best!

She puts on my Captain Underpants movie, and we sit on the long seat as she cuddles me, and we watch it together. It is funny! I love it.

“Max, don’t tell mammy, but daddy is coming soon,” Thrax tells me, my doggie wagging his tail.

“I won’t tell her. I am happy you have a daddy,” I tell my best friend.

“He is your daddy as well Max, but that is a secret!” Thrax tells me.

Wow, Thrax thinks the man is my daddy. I hope he is, but not if he makes my Mammy sad, because I don’t like it when my Mammy is sad.

“Okay my best little boy, it has been a long day. Time for bed, you have a long day tomorrow. Horseback riding,” Mammy tells me.

“Woohoo!” I jump up head into my bedroom and snuggle under the covers. I cannot wait to go on a horse.

“Max, Daddy is here!” Thrax tells me excitedly.

I hear the knock on the caravan door and go to run out of our bedroom so that I me and Thrax can see our daddy again.

“Not yet Max, he needs to talk to mammy,” Thrax tells me, so I quietly go back into my bed, and when Mammy comes into my room, to check on me, I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. After she goes, I do something very naughty and get out of bed and listen at the door.