Chapter 10: The Lone Alpha

Chapter Eight. Davina.

“Max, it is okay, I am fine,” I say to my son as he glares at his father. Mars, what the hell type of hippy name is that?!

My little boy begins this growling thing he started doing about a year ago when he is really angry, and I hunch down and lift him into my arms.

“Stop that please Max. I know you are upset and angry but take a breath. You will hurt your throat,” I gently tell him, not for the first time in his life.

“It is okay Max, I would never hurt your mammy, or you,” Mars’s soft Irish accent attempts to sooth our son.

“Thrax doesn’t like it when you argue with our mammy, ” Max fixes his stare on Mars, the growl getting a little louder.

Oh hell, his father is going to think I am a bad mother, our son talking about his imaginary dog friend, and growling like a damned angry puppy. But all Mars does is stand and look deep into Max’s eyes, seemingly unfazed by my son's slightly odd ways.

“Thrax, it is okay, Max and Mammy are safe. We are just talking loudly. I need you to calm down,” he gently talks to my son’s imaginary friend.

What the hell!

Maybe I should make sure the psychologist I want to see my son knows his father is also strange, and fully converses with the imaginary dog.

Strangely Max stops that growling noise he makes and nods his head.

“Max, Mars and I need to have some adult talk. I promise you, we will not shout at each other again,” I say to my son, as he looks between us.

“I know he is my daddy. Thrax told me,” Max states.

I close my eyes, then look at Mars, and shake my head, not sure how to explain this ‘Thrax’ thing.

“It is his imaginary friend, a dog named Thrax. I am trying to ignore it, I have heard it is common in kids his age,” I find myself explaining my son’s idiosyncrasy, which involves talking incessantly about Thrax.

“It’s okay. Hey Max, I have a friend just like Thrax. His name is Ares,” Mars smiles lovingly at him.

Holy hell he is encouraging this, and I have the urge to tell him to stop, but after my son stormed into the room, growling and looking so mad, I do not want to cause another argument.

But you can bet your bottom dollar I will bring it up if he is going to spend any time with my son.

I must be in shock at everything that is happening because I swear, I saw Mars's eyes change to a silver colour, then quickly change back, and Max grins up at him, like he has been given a gallon of ice cream and told he can eat it all.

“Max sweetheart, I need to speak with Mars. I promise you, we will talk in the morning,” I say to my son. I do not want him bonding with his father, not if he is going to run out of his life the way he did with me. But, I recognise my son is desperate to have a daddy, and so for his sake, I have to swallow my pride and attempt to come up with some arrangement, if the man deems my son worth enough to stick around for.

“I want you and Daddy to put me to bed,” Max tells me, and my heart sinks. I have not confirmed Mars is his father, and he has already become attached. I am not going to lie. It scares the hell out of me.

“That is your call Davina,” Mars softly says, but his eyes plead with me, just as much as Max’s do.

I close my eyes and let out a long breath, then simply nod my head, unable to form words. I could never resist Max’s big blue eyes when he bats them at me, and now his father is doing the same with his big bright forest green ones, which are equally heart-melting.

I am seriously fucked.

“Yes, we will both tuck you in. Would you like some strawberries? Or to go into Mammy’s room, and watch a little TV whilst you eat them, so I can talk with Mars,” I ask my boy.

He will end up in my bed halfway through the night anyway, so I may as well give him a little treat so that I can get this conversation over with and Mars out of the door before I do something stupid, like arguing with him, or strip naked and beg him to take me like he did in that alley. Having Max in my bed was a little like a shield against my lust-filled body.

Shit, get a grip! I cannot think like that, not now, not ever. But it is so difficult not to when every fibre of my being begs for this man to touch me, caress me, to love me. I am seriously a class-A idiot!

I carry Max through to my room, as Mars follows us, and place him in my bed, then turn on the TV, placing one of his DVDs on. I don’t give him a choice, because if I do, we will be here all night, and I need to get Mars out of here, sooner rather than later, before I lose myself to the temptation, and do not have a conversation with the man, but straddle him instead.

“I will let Mars say goodnight, and come back with your strawberries,” I smiled at my son, and placed a soft kiss on the top of his head. He grins, then remembers he doesn’t like kisses anymore, so follows up with an “Eww, Mammy, no,” and pretends to shudder. I cannot help but giggle at him, and as I do, Mars looks at me, his eyes turning black with what I think might be lust.

Shit, I need to get out of this room, and I need to get him out of my caravan. The effect he has on me, despite everything, makes no logical sense.

I am losing my goddamned mind!

I cut up some strawberries, and head back to Max’s bedroom, as I pop my head around the door, the unbelievable greets me. My son is lying on his father’s chest, fast asleep. Mars looks up at me and smiles, his arm wrapped around him.

“He asked for a hug, I hope you don’t mind, then snuggled up and fell straight to sleep,” he tells me, looking down at our son, the love for him evident in his eyes.

I don’t honestly know how to feel about that. It is heart-warming and terrifying, and if I am honest, I feel a tinge of jealousy. Bad, I know, but it is there because it has just been Max and I since before he was born.

Mars gently moves Max off him, and tucks the covers tight around him, before getting off the bed, as I walk out of the room, and follows me.

“Sorry if I overstepped,” his velvety smooth voice hits me right between the legs.

Shit, NO I am not going to go there. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, and I have had to deal with enough shame to last me a lifetime.

“He is amazing, Davina,” Mars states as we walk back into the living area.

“I know,”

I hear the prickly tone in my voice. But, let me be honest, I do know how amazing my son is. I don’t need him to tell me.

“Look, I do not want you bonding with Max if you are going to do a runner. He deserves some sort of commitment from you. So if you cannot do that then you should fuck off now, and never return. So, cards on the table time. If you cannot commit to being in his life, then walk out the door right now. Oh, and don’t worry, I have no expectations regarding you and me. I know that, according to you I am unlovable. Plus, I don’t particularly like you, myself,” I lie. Because as much as I hate him, I equally want him. But I will not be fooled or think this is anything other than the man potentially wanting to know his son.

“I will not leave him, or you again,” Mars states, looking at me intently.

“I am not part of this equation. This is for Max, and only Max,” I state. Even though his declaration sends a trail of warmth down my body, landing right at my lady bits and bobs, which melt and form a puddle in my knickers. Oops!

Mars looks like he sniffs the air, his eyes flashing silver again, before turning pitch black.

Weirdo! Yet the look in his eyes increases the heat in my lady bits, and the wetness increases tenfold. What the hell is wrong with me?

He blinks and takes a breath as if to steady himself, as I stand rooted to the spot, transfixed by what he is doing. Eventually, he looks at me, deep into my eyes, causing me to gasp slightly.

“I want to be a part of his life, he is my pu…son,” Mars states.

“Okay, well, for now, even though he seems to know you are his father, for some unfathomable reason, I am not going to officially tell him. You can spend some time with him. After all, we are here for a week. Then make arrangements for you to have access after we go home. If you prove yourself worthy of my son’s love,” I state, laying my cards on the table.

“Thank you, Davina, I know I do not deserve this chance you are giving me,” he looks down at the floor and has the good grace to blush.

Why does that do things to my body? Hell, I hate hormones, they make you do stupid shit, and I cannot afford to do anything stupid again.

“Well, I will see you tomorrow,” he smiled at me.

“Yeah, we are horse riding in the morning, then heading over to the lake to go on the pedaloes after that. I was going to take him swimming after lunch,” I informed him.

“I have tomorrow afternoon free. Could I come swimming with you both?” Mars hopefully asks.

“Yeah, okay,” I shrug, but then suddenly feel self-conscious of this man seeing me in a swimsuit. After all, I have had a baby, and my body has changed. My boobs are not as perky as they were before Max, and my tummy has that little ridge that people call a mum’s tum. I also have a few stretch marks, especially on my hips.

I have to remind myself, he is not coming swimming to see me, but to bond with our son.

“I will see you tomorrow then,” Mars flashes me a panty-melting smile, and once again I lose the ability to form a coherent thought. My mouth goes dry, and I just manage to croak out a goodbye, closing the door and sliding my body down it, landing on the floor, as the emotion of the day takes over, and tears, once again, begin to fall unchecked onto my cheeks.