Chapter 68 Can't see it yet
Ruel’s POV
Ira’s scent surrounds me, heavy and hard to escape. Sweet and overwhelming. It clings to my skin and fills my lungs until it feels like I’m breathing her instead of air.
I feel too aware of everything at once, my skin alive, my thoughts scattered.
My cock strains painfully against my pants, the tip slick and sensitive, all from the way she leaned into me earlier.
Her heat, her soft weight.
I didn’t need more than that.
I can still feel her warmth around my fingers.
So perfect… the way her body clenched and pulled me deeper.
Like I belonged there.
Goddess.
My head is full of thoughts I want to rip out.
I want to flip her onto the bed, spread her wide, drive into her until she is screaming my name again.
I want to feel her tight heat stretch around my cock. I want to feel that first breaking, that claiming, my knot locking us together until there is no separating us.
I want to mark her. Both inside and out. Goddess I want to fill her holes until she's dripping with me... Ruined for anyone else.
Fuck this is a big problem. What have I gotten myself into?
She is a virgin.
I felt the resistance when I pushed in those three fingers. The fragile barrier that stretched even as her body begged for more.
The idea of her being untouched both scares and thrills me.
On one hand I feel an increased desire to have her but on the other hand, I'm scared of harming that innocence.
If I do not get her out of here now, I will lose what little composure I have left. I will take everything she does not even realize she is offering. I will leave her changed in ways I cannot undo.
I am not the mate she deserves. And I cannot betray my pack by marking a sempyr.
I pull back, my hands trembling as I press them to my sides. Immediately I'm struck with an internal ache to feel her warmth against me, and suddenly I feel hollow, unsteady, as if a part of me is missing.
The insane dependence strikes me out of it.
“Get out,” I snap.
The words feel wrong, unkind but needed.
Her body stiffens against the window, her shoulders tense and her breathing unsteady. Slowly, she presses her palms to the glass, then slowly pulls back, leaving smudges behind.
Her face is flushed, lips red and bruised from my mouth. Her gaze is hazy, yet when it lands on mine, it steadies, as if she already recognizes who owns her.
My eyes roam her body, studying her wrecked, beautiful glow.
It makes something in my chest ache in a way that has nothing to do with lust. Something far more dangerous than lust.
For a moment, I almost take back my command, almost step forward and pull her into my arms.
But she is everything I cannot have.
I cannot.
She's a sempyr.
She's a curse.
Fuck, if I breathe her in one more time, I will ruin her completely.
“Out!” I order.
She quietly, yet with shaky hands grabs her dress.
The wet fabric looks like a terrible idea. I move to grab the coat on my bed but pause when her shaky voice whispers.
“You don't have to look so disgusted.” She says bitterly. “I also d..don't want a repeat of this.” She hisses, pulling her dress over her head.
Krist claws inside me in annoyance, pacing inside my skull as his fury burns through my chest.
“Comfort her Ruel. She thinks we're disgusted.” Krist says.
With a poorly hidden sadness on her face, she steps toward the door, stumbling just as she turns the knob.
Without thinking twice about it, I step in, wrapping my hands around her waist.
The sudden proximity warms me up instantly. Goddess, the way she fits perfectly against me.
The air between us thickens just like my hold on her, every point of contact drawing me closer when I know I should be letting go.
Ira shoves at my chest, not hard, but enough to break the contact.
“I don’t need your help,” she mutters, pulling away. Then, without looking back, she yanks the door open before storming out.
“You know it's impossible to avoid her now,” Krist murmurs.
“Nothing is impossible.” I grit out, fighting to get back my right reasoning.
I shut the door, running a hand through my hair.
What is this that I'm feeling?
“Possessiveness. You want her back.” Krist suggests.
“It's not a suggestion Ruel, we both feel the same thing for our mate. Ira belongs to us. And look how obedient she was, look how bold she was in your arms. Come on, we can't abandon her. She's our mate.”
“I don't want a mate. We can't mate with a sempyr either.”
“Yes we can. All it takes is sinking our teeth in her and claiming her for everyone to see.”
I glance at the table, shaking my head at the brown powder I'd taken a few minutes before Ira walked into my room.
Even with the suppressant it only took an inexperienced kiss for my cock to become rock hard.
“That's because you want her more than you are willing to admit to yourself.” Krist says.
“Fine, I want her… I want to kiss her, fuck her, dominate her …. I want to feel her writh under me. I want to hear her cry out my name, begging for more. Goddess, I want to ruin her so bad.”
But why did she have tears in her eyes? It's not like I left her hanging. Hell, I'm the one with blue balls.
I gave her pleasure yet she wasted no time in dismissing it like it was forgettable.
“Fool.” Krist's voice vibrates inside my head, causing a mild headache.
"The fuck is wrong with you?"
“You made her feel something she's probably never felt before, and abandoned her there, clinging to the curtain for comfort.”
“I would have bent her over if I didn't retreat.”
“You could have hugged her.”
“We aren't lovers, Krist. She means nothing to me but a mistake from the goddess.”
“Yet you are here worrying about her sad face after you fingered her to orgasm. Shouldn't you be satisfied with the reaction you got?”
“I…”
“Ruel, stop deceiving yourself. That's the first step we need to take to get out of this mess. When will you admit that this goes beyond lust?”
I pace the room, restless.
“We cannot be more than this. At best, something shallow. At worst, nothing at all. Anything real would destroy us both.”
“This is already real. You just can't see it yet.”