Chapter 113 Too far gone
Ruel's POV
I wake up smiling.
For a second, I’m still in the dream. Ira is laughing, standing in a wide open field far from the base and unlike anywhere I've ever seen.
Her loose, smooth white hair sways in the air as she laughs heartily, her blue eyes pulling me in.
Locking our fingers, I gently pull her closer till I can smell nothing else but her floral scent.
It's all so peaceful, like a day gifted by the moon goddess herself.
I reach out across the bed without thinking, looking for Ira. My hand pats the cold bed and immediately my smile slips away.
“Ahhhhh!!!” Ira's scream strikes through the night
My eyes snap open. “Ira!” Her name slips past my lips, my voice coming out rough from sleep.
I try to sit up but pain strikes through my skull, causing my vision to blur a faint white color. Clamping my teeth together, I force myself upright anyway, swallowing the pained sound that claws its way up my throat.
I jump off the bed, my heart pounds as I look around for her. My head is throbbing really hard but I do my best not to focus on it.
“She’s crying.” I mutter to myself, every other thing disappearing into the background.
“Ira? Ira,” I rush to her the moment I spot her shivering body on the floor. She's curled in a foetal position, her naked back trembling.
“Ira, come on breathe," I say, lifting her head carefully in my arms. Her gasps are loud and strained, like it's almost impossible for her to draw in oxygen.
"I'm here, I'm here baby.” I mutter, gently kissing her head. My face saddens when I see a tear run down her face and then another.
I carefully wipe it off with my thumb. But my heart breaks when more tears pour out her closed eyes.
Ira doesn't even open her eyes but I know she hears me as her cold hand reaches for the hand touching her face. She squeezes hard, her sobs falling quieter now.
“Baby,” I murmur. “Look at me,”
Her lashes flutter. And slowly, very slowly, her gaze lifts to mine.
The raw fear in her eyes injects my heart with the desperate desire to protect her, to make her feel secure.
Carefully I lift her in my arms, gently walking back to the bed and setting her down.
“Ru,” she whispers, making my chest warm up at the nickname.
“Hey,” I say softly. “I’m right here.”
Her lips part on a shaky inhale. Fresh tears spill over. Before I can say anything else she lunges forward, her arms wrapping around my neck so tightly I feel the tremor in every muscle of her body. I catch her easily, one arm banding around her waist, the other cradling the back of her head.
“I’m sorry,” she chokes out against my throat. “I’m so sorry, Ruel.”
I frown, confused. “What are you…”
“I thought I hurt you.” Her voice cracks. “I didn’t mean to. I don’t know what happened… you weren’t moving, and I…”
She shudders so hard that I feel it in my own chest.
Tightening my hold, I press my mouth to the side of her neck, kissing the frantic pulse there once and then twice, letting my lips linger.
“Shh,” I whisper against her throat, because I need her to hear me. “You didn’t hurt me, I’m fine. You can feel me.” I say, guiding her palm to my chest, right over the steady thud of my heart, and I keep it there. “I’m right here, breathing.”
She makes a small, wounded sound, her hand squeezing softly.
I shift and sit back on my heels so I can pull her fully into my lap, because suddenly I need her closer.
Her cold legs straddle my thighs, and her arms stay locked around my neck like she’s afraid I’ll vanish if she lets go. I settle her weight against me, with one hand splayed wide across her lower back and the other stroking slowly up and down her spine.
“It was a dream,” I tell her in a soft low voice. “Only a dream.”
Ira shakes her head against my shoulder. “No it wasn't, Ru….”
“Alright.” My fingers thread into her hair as I cradle her head. “But look at me now.” I ease her back just enough to meet her eyes again. “I’m fine, I’m breathing, aren’t I? There’s no problem anymore.”
Her gaze searches my face frantically. When her fingertips finally trace my jaw, my cheekbone, and the bridge of my nose, I let her, staying perfectly still and allowing her reassure herself.
“I’m never doing that again,” she whispers sadly.
“Doing what?” I ask.
A fresh sob catches in her throat. “Kissing you like that.”
“Stop.” I press my forehead to hers. “No more apologies. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But…”
“No.” My tone hardens, not enough to scare her but just the right pressure to help her stop spiraling. “Listen to me. You did not hurt me. Whatever you saw and whatever you felt, it wasn’t real. I only fell asleep, I’m clearly not dying. I’m holding you right now.”
She swallows hard and nods, “okay,”
I kiss her temple, and then the corner of her eye until gradually, her trembling eases and her breathing slows, matching mine.
After a while she sighs, the sound small and exhausted as she melts completely against my chest. Her arms loosen, but they don’t release me.
With a smile I brush my lips across her hair. “Better?”
“Hmm,” She nods against my throat.
“Good girl.” I whisper.
Her body responds with a shiver and her fingers flexing against my shoulders. Even now, she still manages to be so cute.
I wait until her heartbeat steadies completely before I speak again.
“Come on.” I say, placing her back on the bed gently. But she suddenly tightens her grip on my hand, and her fingers lock around mine with surprising strength.
I lean down immediately and brush my mouth across her forehead in a slow, lingering kiss.
“I’ll be back,” I tell her softly. “I need to hold a meeting with the warriors.”
She quietly searches my face.
“I’m not leaving you for too long, Ira,” I add. “Just long enough to make sure everything is in place.”
Reluctantly, she lets go.
I kiss her forehead again, firmer this time. “Stay here, I'll be back, I promise.”
She lets out a tiny smile and hugs the sheets.
I force myself to step back, pull on my pants and shirt. When I’m dressed, I turn back to her.
She’s watching me from the bed with her knees drawn up again and her arms wrapped around them.
Goddess, I want to be beside her. But isn't it frightening enough that I'm even considering abandoning the base for her?
This is why I never wanted this bond. But even now, I can't bring myself to hate it anymore. Not when I already feel like she's the best thing that's happened to me.
Fuck, I'm so stupid. But I can't seem to care anymore.