Chapter 9

I was beginning to feel trapped in a monotonous routine. Every day in King Domiano’s palace passed with constant luxury, the attention of the servants who never stopped making sure my needs were met, and the two extraordinary figures, Junigo and Jade, who were always around me, as if they were always watching my movements.

The days as Dean felt surreal, almost like a never-ending dream. I can’t deny that living as a prince here is really comfortable. Everything is provided without me having to work for it. The best food, the most beautiful clothes, attention, and... love. I was caught in a complicated web of feelings, where the love I felt for Junigo and Jade, though confusing, was real.

Sometimes I enjoy this when I’m the one being fought over by the two men I’ve been craving for so long. Mamanya asked me if I remembered that the physique I was using now was someone else’s physique instead of my own physique it again made me feel less confident, because it meant that I was loved because I was someone else and if I used my real identity then I wouldn’t get what I felt now here.

In the midst of this comfort, there was always an odd feeling that I couldn’t ignore. I’m not Dean. I’m Jou Porska, an eighteen-year-old trapped in this prince’s body. I should be looking for a way back to my world, not lulled into the glamour of the palace. There’s guilt lingering in the back of my mind-responsibility I can’t bear, a burden that should fall on Dean, not me. The longer I stay here, the more confused I become about my true purpose.

This illusion makes me want to keep sinking here, but in fact, returning to my original life is a better thing. If it feels painful and full of struggles, but in fact, my little heart sometimes says that returning to my own small house is more comfortable than staying in someone else’s luxurious house.

Sometimes I sit on the balcony of my room, looking at the sky that is not so different from what I used to see in my world. In solitude, I pondered. Should I really go back to my world?

Life here is terrifying, full of intrigue and supernatural forces I don’t understand, but I can’t deny how comfortable it is. No heavy tasks, no pressure. Just a calmness that is sometimes punctuated by fear and confusion. If I stay here, I will live as a prince loved by two great beings. Isn’t that what many people dream of?

It’s rare that anyone can feel what I feel now, or maybe this is just me who can feel it? Stranded in a universe that even only exists in fairy tales is something that is very impossible to be real, but in fact now I am here in the place that I said. A place that maybe if I tell you about it after I get back from here then other people will think I’m crazy.

But on the other hand, I don’t know if living as Dean is the right thing for me. I’m not him, and the longer I’m here, the more obvious the differences between us become. I could feel the pressure of the expectations of the people around me, something I couldn’t fully understand. How could I, a person who knew nothing about this world, be the prince that King Domiano, Junigo, or Jade expected me to be?

Every night, I lay in my luxurious bed, staring at the ceiling that was so unfamiliar, thinking of all the choices that lay ahead of me. I wanted to go back to my simple life, where I was just an ordinary kid who enjoyed art and life without any major pressure. But every time I thought of going home, there was a sense of doubt creeping into my heart. Would I really want to leave all this behind? Love, glamour, power... it’s all so alluring.

However, one thing that keeps haunting me is the fact that I don’t know what Dean’s fate really is. His body is here, but his soul? Where is it? What exactly happened before I was trapped here? There were so many unanswered questions, and the longer I was here, the more questions came up.

One day, as I sat alone in my room, looking at the painting I had just finished, my mind was suddenly filled with flashes of an image I didn’t understand. It was just a glimpse at first, but over time it became clearer. They were... memories, but not mine. The images were unfamiliar, but somehow familiar.

I saw a man-Dean-but his face was filled with deep sadness. I could feel the despair and suffocating pain of the memory, as if I was feeling it myself. Dean’s face was wet with tears, and his voice, although faint, sounded like a voiceless scream. Something was very wrong, but I didn’t know what it was.

I couldn’t tell it as a vivid memory, or maybe it was just representative of the nightmares I always fantasised about? I wasn’t someone who came from a happy life, it could be that Dean’s negative energy matched the negative energy I had, and that made my mind able to represent it.

The flashes of memory came thick and fast, making my head throb. I tried to push those thoughts away, but the harder I tried to forget them, the more vivid the image appeared in my mind. Dean was crying, kneeling somewhere dark, hugging himself as if trying to endure the unbearable pain. But I couldn’t hear his voice, only feel his agony.

“What is this...?” I muttered, holding my head that was throbbing more and more. I could no longer endure the pain that shot through my entire body. This wasn’t just an ordinary memory. It felt so real, as if I was actually there, witnessing Dean’s despair from such a close distance.

I tried to get up from my chair, trying to get some fresh air, but my legs felt weak. Everything around me was spinning, and unfamiliar voices began to echo in my ears. Dean’s cries grew louder, tormenting my mind. I stumble, reaching for the edge of the table, but my body can’t withstand the onslaught of these memories.

Everything went dark. I fall.

My consciousness began to fade away, and all that remained was a darkness that swallowed all sense. So empty, I staggered and there was no strength I had to support myself. I don’t know how long I lay there, but when I started to regain consciousness, the pain in my head was still there. I tried to open my eyes, but my vision was blurry, and my body felt so heavy.

What had just happened? Those memories-those weren’t mine. They were fragments of Dean’s life, but why was I seeing them? What happened to Dean before I was trapped in his body? All those questions were swirling around in my head, adding to the confusion that was already surrounding me from the start.

I lay on the floor of my room, my breathing ragged. Sweat soaked my body, and I felt like I had been through an endless nightmare. But this wasn’t a dream. This was the reality I had to face-the reality that I might never be able to get out of this body without understanding what happened to Dean.

“What exactly are you hiding, Dean?” I whispered weakly, staring at the ceiling of my room that now felt much darker and oppressive.

I really couldn’t maintain my consciousness anymore, my head felt so heavy and everything felt so exhausting and painful. In the world or universe where I come from I also often feel faint due to fatigue from work, it feels not much different from what I feel now but even so I still can’t help it.

Any world always gives me pain. It sounds painful but that’s what I feel now, although there is happiness but I also feel pain.

I don’t know what to do. I’m caught between the desire to return to my world and the fact that I’m getting involved in a life that doesn’t belong to me. And now, with these foreign memories haunting my mind, I knew that this journey would not be easy. There was something bigger than just an arranged marriage with Junigo and Jade. There is a darkness behind all of this, a darkness that I must uncover before I can find a way out.