Chapter 36: The Intrusion

CASSIAN’S POV

I saw him before he saw him; it was easy to recognize him.

He stood near the player entrance, his hands were in the pockets of his tailored coat, posture loose; he had the kind of confidence that came from always getting whatever he wanted. His hair was the same as mine, but it was darker now and it was cut sharper. His face was the same too, his jaw was the same and so was the mouth, and the eyes that always judged everything I did.

Luka.

I wanted to turn around and walk to the locker room, I wanted to pretend I didn’t see him. But at that moment, he turned; his eyes meeting mine as his lips curved into his usual condescending smile.

I stood straight, forcing myself to relax and I forced my lips into something I hoped was a smile. My hands were cold and my chest was tight; the win from twenty minutes ago felt like it belonged to someone else.

He pushed off the wall and walked towards me, he moved slowly like he never needed to hurry. I stood still, waiting.

“That was a good game, little bro.”

His voice was the same as always; smooth and easy. That was how he always sounded when he needed something.

“What do you want, Luka?” I asked flatly.

He laughed, the sound scraping against my skin. “I’m hurt; can’t I just support my little brother.”

“You’ve never supported anything that didn’t benefit you.”

He tilted his head, studying me. I wasn’t bothered; I’d been studied my whole life by people who thought they knew him, people like him.

“Fair enough.” He said, shrugging. “Mom wants you to call her because dad’s being an asshole as usual.”

I clenched my teeth.

The usual.

My dad would call to tell me how much of a disappointment I was and my mom would call later to tell me my dad didn’t mean it. The cycle had been running since I was twelve years old.

I nodded. “I’ll call her.”

“Alright, cool.” He said, glancing around; the players were filing out, equipment staff were carrying bags; it was the usual post-game activity. His eyes moved past all of it, in search of something else.

“I’m looking for the captain, Vance is his name right? According to the reports, he’s your mentor.”

My heart stopped for a moment.

I kept my face neutral and my breathing steady. My hands stayed still at my sides, but something cold went down my spine, settling in my stomach.

“Why are you looking for him?”

“No special reason, I just want to see who’s mentoring you.” His eyes slid to me, assessing me. “I’m also curious because you seem different, you seem happier and I want to know if it’s because of him.”

I forced out a laugh. “It’s not because of anyone, I just grew up.”

He watched me blankly.

“Hmmm, maybe.”

The words hung in the air between us and he waited for me to fill the silence, for me to slip up and say something I shouldn’t. This was how it has always been; he’d wait for me to slip up so he could catch me.

Not this time.

He held my gaze for a long moment before pushing off the wall and patting my shoulder with his heavy hand.

“I’ll inform mom that you’ll call.”

“Thanks.”

He walked away and I watched him, his footsteps echoing, I watched his expensive coat disappear through the doors.

I stood frozen, staring at the space where he once stood.

My hands were shaking, my chest was tight and my vision was blurry.

I leaned against the wall, pressing my fist to my chest, trying to stop my spiraling thoughts before it consumed me.

‘…you seem happier and I want to know if it’s because of him..’

He definitely knew something was going on, or at least he suspected. He was always nosy, looking for things I always tried to hide, only to bring it to the light.

I thought about my father, how he was never happy with me; how he always listed the things I’d done wrong. How he would hang up before I could even say anything.

If he found out about Torin and I, he would look at me with disgust and disappointment, he’d probably say something along the lines of ‘I always knew you were a disappointment, you always prove me right.’

I thought about my mother and how she always apologized on my father’s behalf, she never did anything to stop my father, she loved me but not enough to shield me or protect me.

If Luka found out about Torin and I, he would call our father and our father would call the team, and the media. It would turn into a story.

It would turn into a scandal.

I hit my fist on my chest.

The corridor was empty now, the lights still hummed overhead. Somewhere in the arena, doors opened and closed and equipment was being sorted, the night was coming to an end.

I couldn’t move or do anything except stand there prsssed up against the cold concrete as my brother’s voice echoed in my head.

I was happier, for the first in my life, I was genuinely happy and it seemed like it was about to be taken from me.

Everything good was always taken away from me.

I closed my eyes, shivering slightly as the cold concrete seeped through my skin.

I thought about Torin and our time together so far.

I couldn’t lose him, if I lose him, I’d lose myself too.

I was myself around Torin, I didn’t have to perform around Torin, he understood me and cared for me the way I was. I don’t know how I survived without him, and now that he’s in my life, I don’t know what I’d do if I lose him.

I slid down the wall, sitting on the floor with my knees pulled up and my arms wrapped around myself.

It felt like I was twelve again, trying to be invisible enough so no one would notice I was breaking.

I felt helpless.

I wrapped my arms tighter around myself, hoping it would still my shaking body.

It didn’t.