Chapter 34: The Conversation

He showed up an hour after midnight.

I didn’t bother checking the peephole, I knew it was him before I opened the door. I recognized the way his footsteps paused in the hallway, and the way he always knocked; two soft knocks, like he wasn’t sure he should be there.

I opened the door and he was standing in the dim light, his jacket zipped all the way up, hands buried deep in his pocket. His face looked pale under the fluorescent light of the hallway fixture.

He looked like he’d been running; the kind of running that happened in your head when you were trying to outrun your thoughts.

I stepped aside so he could come in, and I shut the door behind us when he was in.

He stood still in the middle of the living room, not moving towards the couch, not taking off his jacket. He just stood there with his back to me as he stared at the floor.

I watched him for a moment, the way his chest rose and fell, the way his mouth opened like he wanted to say something, only for him to close his mouth again.

“Sloane knows a lot about us.” I said.

He turned.

Up close, he looked worse; the dark circles under his eyes were worse, his lips were pressed into a thin line and the sharp edges of his face that usually made him look dangerously charming had softened into something that looked like fear.

“How much does she know?”

I leaned into the couch, putting distance between us. If I stood too close to him, I’d want to reach for him and if I reached for him, I’d never let go.

“She knows enough, about the New York game and the rest.”

His jaw went slack as he took his hands out of his pocket, crossing his arms over his chest like he was holding himself together.

“She’s not so certain if we’ve done things together.” I said. “But she knows something has shifted between us, she’s been reviewing and analyzing all the camera footage.”

His lips parted then closed again.

“How do you know all these?” He asked finally.

“Raffi told me.”

“Did Raffi also tell you what he thinks can be done?”

I moved around the couch, sitting on the arm, as I placed my hands on my thigh to keep them still.

“He thinks we should make a decision before she makes one for us.”

He still didn’t move from his standing position, his face was pale as he vibrated with something I couldn’t name.

“So there are two options.” His voice sounded steady. “We can end this now before anyone of us gets hurt, before it escalates to a scandal.”

The words hit me like a grenade with the pin pulled.

I got up immediately, crossing to meet him; stopping just right in front of him.

“Absolutely not.” I said.

His breath caught. “Tor.”

“That’s not an option for me.”

He stared at me with crossed arms and a tight jaw but his expression shifted; it looked like hope buried underneath all that fear.

His voice cracked. “The other option is for us to face whatever comes next.”

I pulled him into me, his arms stayed crossed between us for a second, acting as a barrier. Then he moved them around my waist, pressing his face into my neck as his body shook.

“I thought you’d choose the first option.” He whispered.

I held him tighter. “I told you I’m here to stay, I’m not running anymore.”

He pulled back to look at me, his eyes were already brimming with tears but his face was steady.

“What would we do when she confronts us?”

“We’ll tell her the truth.”

“That’s it? Just like that?”

I touched his face, running my hand over his jaw, feeling the slight stubble there, he leaned into my touch.

“We’ve been hiding for weeks and lying by omission; we’ve been pretending we’re nothing when we’re something.” I held his gaze. “You once told me you’re tired of pretending, the truth is I’m tired of pretending as well.”

He let out a deep breath he’d been holding.

“Everyone is going to ask questions; the media, our sponsors, our teammates. Brynn will be pissed.”

“I don’t care.”

“You should care.”

I held him even tighter before, relishing the feel of his warm body against mine.

“I care about you and what we have going, I don’t care about anything else anymore. Anyone can say whatever they want.”

He tilted his head to stare at me.

“You’re really set on this?”

I kissed his forehead. “Yes, I am.”

His face scrunched up with worry.

“What if they try to separate us by trading one of us?”

“When we get to that bridge, we’ll cross it. But no matter what, I’m never letting you go.”

He blinked and a tear slipped out.

“You’re not allowed to say things like that, Tor.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll start believing them.”

I kissed him softly, shoving every thought to the back of my mind, all that was in my head right now was the feel of his soft lips against mine.

“Believe them, because they’re true.” I said when we broke apart.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bedroom, and I willingly followed.

——

We didn’t sleep.

We just lay tangled in the sheets, with his head on my chest and my hand in his hair. The apartment was quiet but the hummed with activity outside. The clock on my nightstand blinked numbers I didn’t bother reading.

He traced patterns on my skin, lines, circles, patterns I couldn’t name.

“What if she comes to us tomorrow?”

“Then we’ll tell her tomorrow?”

“And if it blows up?”

“Then it blows up, and we deal with it.”

He was quiet.

“I don’t know if this will end well, not knowing the outcome drives me crazy.”

“It drives me crazy too.” I said, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“No more hiding, yeah?” He asked.

I kissed his chest this night, he made a small sound that sent shivers down my spine.

“No more hiding.” I said.

The whole world would find out about us soon.

And when they did, we’d face it together.